Hi I'm Madi

[Dessaily]

I am a seeking suicidal tendencies and severe depression help.. The days seem harder as I progress.. But I'm doing it for my loved ones

[Agora1]

Madi, I'm glad you reached out to us but it is always in your best interest to seek the advice of a professional. Suicidal tendencies and severe depression need to be addressed by psychiatrist who can keep you safe as well as giving you the help you need through medication and therapy. Of course we are always here to support you. You are never alone and you need to know you can reach out to us anytime if you need to talk.

I hope you will get help as soon as possible for yourself as well as your loved ones.

Keeping you safe is our utmost concern. Please keep us updated Madi. We care. xx

[TaraRae in reply to Agora1]

Oh you are in a place I know too well. That selfish place where all we see is how much better the world would be without us in it. I've tried to off myself so many times I've lost count. I can only give you some advice I've learned on this journey called life.

I say it's a selfish place as I just recently watched a very loved, close family member of 30 years old take her own life. I watched the people that loved her mourn her, me included, and saw that EVERYONE SAID "if she only told me. Why didn't she reach out?" She was caught in a very sad, selfish place believing her life was worthless. I know, I've been there. She, as I did numerous times before, didn't think about the impact her life had on those that loved her, how life would be once she was gone. As she was an only child her Mother feels like she lost that title of Mom. The community lost a great woman, DJ and her fiancé lost the prospect of becoming married to the love of his life.

Try to ask for help. I know how hard it is, that may sound stupid but if you feel worthless and hopeless I'm positive that you can find a suicide hotline, a friend ANYONE to talk to. Pain comes and goes, this feeling needs to not be acted upon it needs to be brought up in conversation. I have a great therapist that is more than a therapist she's a friend. 5 years ago was my last attempt and I ended up in a psych ward. I asked my family member, the one that's Daughter just took her life, if she thought I belonged there. I expected her to say no. Instead she shocked me saying, "YES! I mean you can't see that your kids love you? You didn't see what happened after you did what you did to yourself but I DID! Those kids, your Mother, ME, we all were so crazy in pain. The thought of losing you was horrible. If you can't see that you matter, you are loved then YES!!!! 1000X'S YES YOU NEED HELP!"

I will never forget that, I thought I was gonna ease the burden of those I loved by taking me out if the equation of life. In retrospect, I never saw how selfish that was. I never saw anything the "right way". Over the past 5 years I've learned that all I knew was fear and pain. Please reach out to someone. Please ask for help. As I've been trying to end my life since I was a pre-teen I can't say that it's easy but life is SO GOOD! PLEASE CONTACT SOMEONE,ANYONE! YOUR LIFE IS WORTH A LOT! PLEASE REACH OUT!!

[Stilltrying_ in reply to TaraRae]

Beautiful and heartfelt reply TaraRae. x

[TaraRae in reply to Stilltrying_]

Stilltrying,

I love your psuedo-name! That is all any of us can do is try. I feel for Maddie, I lived a life of 50 years being physically, mentally abused. I looked for the easy way out, allowed Dr's to try and stamp a label on me and give me the magic pill to make me better. Wow! I was looking for something that NO ONE could give me! I needed to look inward, at me! It was scary, still is a lot of times. I've found out that I HOLD THE KEY TO MY HAPPINESS! I HAVE ALLOWED SOME TERRIBLE PEOPLE, DR'S AND SO CALLED THERAPISTS into my life, allowed THEM to dictate who I was. I really feel for this person as I've lived it, have only begun the changes for 4 years! I'm still terminally ill but have an appointment with the pancreatic transplant team next month. Therefore, I have hope! I try to set boundaries, start off each day with gratitude and positivity. I AM LIVING MY LIFE ON MY TERMS!

I believe in the power of positivity and prayer. I'm sending Maddie powerful, positive energy and love. Live is always the answer. Reaching out is always the answer. Just know that this feeling WILL PASS, we all get this feeling but most let it pass on through. Please Maddie reach out, let this pass. I guarantee that there are MANY PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU! BELIEVE IN YOU! JUST TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH AND REACH OUT FOR HELP!

Tara

[Dessaily in reply to TaraRae]

Tara you are an inspiration. I hope and wish the best for you and your family. You're right I am afraid of letting a stranger in but i know if i dont. It takes one more episode to take me. I've been living life one step at a time and looking at the big picture. Im eager to get help but afraid of failing. I am and want to be better.. I have reached out to my friends and family to help if possible. But i still feel alone..

[TaraRae in reply to Dessaily]

Hi Dessaily,

It is scary. If you don't connect with the 1st therapist then keep looking. I've fired quite a few. Idk if it's allowed to give personal info on here but I will try to send you a message. Believe me, I have been in your shoes and fight to not wear them daily. If I knew where you lived I could call my therapist, she makes house calls, to see if she could recommend someone. Sometimes family members don't get it. It's ok, they are afraid as much as you are. That's why a therapist or a friend that holds no deep roots in your life may help you more? PLEASE KEEP RESPONDING AND TEXTING!! YOU MATTER TO ME!

Tara

[Dessaily]

Thank you guys. Your simple act of care is a stepping stone for me. I am in the process of findung a therapist to help me.

[TaraRae in reply to Dessaily]

Oh THANK YOU! YOU have been on my mind ALL DAY! I'm so HAPPY YOU ARE HERE! YOU made my day! You are worth so much! Reach back anytime! Xoxo

Tara

[dayatatime2]

Hey! How are you doing with finding a therapist? I've been in the place you are in now and it has been over 15 years now since then... keep on pressing on to get help. There is hope!

[Indigo-ivy]

Hi Madi,

How are you feeling today ?

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that you have come to the right site for support and friendships ..

I'm here for you as a friend if you ever need to chat..

sending you lots of peace & love ✌🏼❤️

[Dessaily]

Thank you beautiful people. Its alot harder than I thought. Im having to result in a psychiatrist in my insurance network but its a mind trap navigating to Get basic answers. I got some numbers I'm gunna call to get assistance. I live in Washington State so any advice is welcome I ooce and appreciate you guys showing me support. That alone is inspiring the best me