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Gender Identity


I have been struggling with figuring out who I am for some time now. I was born a female and comfortable with my biological traits however I don’t feel that way all the time. I feel masculine and feminine at the same time. Yet I lean more towards my gender being that of a female. After a long time of speculation and trying to find the right terms I am proud to officially FULLY come out..

I am a bisexual androgynous demigirl.

12 Replies

Hi Madysen,

I am going to say something unpopular here. And I don't want to upset you. I realize you are suffering. My belief is this:

Gender is as gender is. You're biologically female, that's it. Depending on your age you're a girl or a woman. That's fixed.

But, how you live your life is not - that is up to you. Yes. Society has gender stereotypes and you may not want to be or feel like a stereotypical woman, whatever that is. That's perfectly fine and nothing new.

Part of growing up is discovering the unique person each of us is, loving and accepting ourselves as we are, and getting on with the basics of life. Keeping in mind of course, it can all take a lifetime.

If you asked me, which you didn't, this gender confusion thing is a nutty fad that's making some people, like doctors, very very very rich.

There's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly fine. You're just feeling, experiencing, and discovering what it means to be authentically you.

Instill compassion for self, others and situations, no judging and no labeling.

Be happy and enjoy your life! Much love on your journey!


Hello Madysen019!

I’m so glad you’re here! Do you suffer from depression/anxiety? I’m happy for you that you’ve figured out who and what you want to be. It really doesn’t matter as long as you’re goal is to be a loving, caring and kind person! Kindness wins out! By the way, what’s a demigirl? Wishing you the best!!

Madysen019 in reply to Hidden

I do. I have General Anxiety, depression and bipolar 2. Demigender is some one who identifies more towards a specific gender in my case female. However I also identify as being in between therefore the androgyny party of it.

Speaking of which back in college I wrote an assignment regarding sex and gender. ( I was always a supporter for diversity)

Darling asserting your own individuality is the key to your own happiness. At the end of the day when you feel comfortable within your own skin that is what truly matters.

Wish you well

I'm new around here, but wanted to say I'm excited for you as you discover who you are. You are in such an interesting phase in life. A hard phase, but a hopeful phase. You have so much of life ahead of you. You'll decide what your priorities are, how you want to help society, what brings you joy, etc. The weird part is all of it can be in flux as you age. You'll settle into yourself the next few years, then you'll keep finding strength in yourself that you never knew you had as you experience what life throws at you. Who you are will grow and grow and that's exactly as it should be.

I think it's great that you are aware of what "fits" for you in terms of gender identity and sexuality. I do feel that the majority who are (being honest ) heterosexual in their behaviour and orientation and who identify without thinking about it too much as either male or female cannot understand what it is like to not quite "fit" your gender or not quite "fit" heteronormative rules. So WELL DONE YOU!!!

For some reason I am VERY interested in this topic and watch a lot on You tube. There is Rain Dove the model who is quite inspirational I think and much other stuff to watch. I find it very interesting for example that some lesbians feel that they are male and actually physically transition where some are happy "in the middle" somewhere. It's all so personal and so much down to individual genes and circumstances.

Personally I identify as female definately and lesbian though I don't fit the "mould" of a lesbian in that I look "straight". Basically I think i am in a priviledged position compared to many of my friends. Many of my lesbian friends are masculine in appearance and can experience homophobia because of this. It's not fair of me really but I CAN hide in a heterosexual society with only my closest friends knowing. Also it's a bit more complicated for me because although I am lesbian I actually feel in my case that this lesbian identity was strongly moulded by having a narcissistic mother. I honestly don't think I was born lesbian, i think she indoctrinated me to be scared of men and see any association with a male as a "trap" that I didn't want to fall into. However I think some people are born lesbian or gay and there are many who are imbetween .

It's very brave of you to face all of this and to know yourself and hopefully also love yourself for who you are . ( I can be more of a coward) xxxxxxxx

I do agree with IChoose that gender is biological and (for most people) you are male or female based on genetics. I am a female. That said, when I was growing up in the 70's I was considered a "tom-boy". I preferred the rough and tumble, hung out with the neighborhood boys, climbed the trees, played football, etc. Honestly, back then this was considered normal - no one tried to make me into being a boy and, as I got older, I have embraced my femininity and am very happy with who I am. If I was growing up now and didn't have the beliefs about God that I do now I could see myself advice - be who you were made to be!

IChoose in reply to MomLeslieM

Hi Mom, I will share this article with you and anyone else who wants to read it. I love the image of the butterfly that emerged with damaged wings. I sincerely believe our young people are emerging from the present culture with varieties of damaged wings, most significantly their very identities as human persons, gender being such a central core of that. In my youth I seriously questioned all gender stereotypes. That questioning was and is good and part of being human. Like you, I can't imagine what an "expert" would label me today. That's what I think is toxic. Note to the reader, this is a religious article:

MomLeslieM in reply to IChoose

Yes IChoose, the butterfly analogy is a great one! Thank you for sharing!

I thank you all for your comments of support and some I see of what I interpret as concern. However I have been feeling this way for a long time. 5 years to be exact. I feel feminine and masculine but don’t want fall into a specific gender all together. I am aware I a female biological. Yet, I am not fully one nor do I wish to be the opposite gender. I am in the middle. Also known as genderqueer. Androgynous is the best way I can describe how I feel. Somewhere in between Feminine and masculine is where I stand. I hope this helps clear up any confusion as to what I was saying.

IChoose in reply to Madysen019

I wanted to thank you for your candor and perhaps the thick skin you are developing. I have been observing transgender or gender questioning people around me and have never been able to engage them in an analytical conversation. You are the first - so thank you! My first reply to you was how I imagined I would talk to my son or daughter, if I had one, who had told me what you began this thread with. I have been feeling lately in society I must be tolerant but I can't communicate, ask questions. So, thank you for being able to handle all that appeared on this thread, and all my best to you on your life's journey.

As you learn more about who you are and what makes you happy I would be careful to label yourself so specifically. Be the best human you can be.

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