(This issue I’m currently in Is a complex one and this post is a long read /may be a bit jumbled around)
I’m currently 24 years old and my brother is 27. We were both adopted at birth from separate birth parents to a very loving, amazing and supportive family. Throughout the last 4 years or so his behavior/demeanor, diet, social skills, drive and outlook on life has progressively gotten worse, and recently has made myself and my parents more and more concerned for him and his physical and mental health.
My brother is a very smart and intelligent person, who is extreamly savvy with technology. After learning to code after he graduated college, he has worked as a developer at the same company for the last few years, making great money, however doesn’t seem to show any enthusiasm for the company or the people he works with, nor has he once been relunctant to speak to my family about any detail of work. He gets to work at about 7am or so, and leaves at about 3:30/4pm (the earliest he can) to come home to the den he has created for himself in the basement of my parents home (see paragraph below).
Though I’ve moved across the country for work and to experience a new area of life and my career, he has remained living at my parents home. In the middle of his college experience ~2009, his girlfriend of many years ended things with him-this devastated him - yet he never really opened up to any of us about this. Since then also, his social circle has shrunk greatly, he used to have a handful of friends of many different dynamics and interests he would hangout with, but lately he really only communicates with 2-3 people and usually just through the internet and gaming. Additionally over these last handful of years my brother has rarely been to communicating with me ans my parents and rarely ever offers ant respect or gratitude their way-usually having headphones in on the computer-anything, he’ll grunt or offer and 1-2 word response to anything they try to say or any effort to start a casual conversation and build a bridge with him.
After building a computer about four years ago, he created an area for himself in the house’s basement with multiple computer screens, tons of cans of dip (chewing tobacco) and bottles full of dip spit, in addition to tons of trash scattered around and many plates from meals he has eaten down there. In other words it’s a mess. Every day he spends the entire days away down there in front of those screens, playing video games and watching movies /shows. Lately, he has mainly been playing violent shooting-centric video games like “counter-strike.”
In addition to living in front of computer monitors, gaming, dipping and eating tons of junk food and microwaved food, over the last handful of years he’s struggled to constantly maintain a hobby/activity to release his stress and stay active, which has brought us grave concern for him as he seeks to find an identity. He goes from being into one thing/hobby to dropping it/any ambition for it completely and they seem to be getting less and less active: One year he was very into cycling, purchasing a bike and clothes etc. then last year, he was really into golf and even purchased a country club membership, then this last winter he became quite into curling. While these mentioned activities he’s been into have actually been active and fun for him, the “new thing” he got into has raised alarm for me and my parents.
While my parents were traveling last month for an extended amount, I had come back to visit some friends and attend a wedding and stayed at home. There he showed me his newest purchase...an AR-15...that moment I saw it my heart stopped and I immediately became worried for his and my parents safety. When my parents got back and I had gone back to work, they soon discovered the AR and his pistol and immediately made him sell the guns back (my father has ALWAYS had a no gun in their house rule) and show the receipt of this transaction-which he did. Though he relayed that he used it strictly for shooting ranges and relieving stress, I am now constantly very worried about his and my parents safety.
Overall, because of thIs and the culmination of a these other different factors I’ve laid out and things progressing how they have in the past 4-5 years, I and my parents are extremely concerned for his current state of mental health and feel that he is becoming volatile and depressed.
My parents and I have recently chatted about this all, and have now become all on the same page with understanding this complex issue and the importance on getting him the right help ASAP. We realize it’s a complex issue and want to build a bridge in helping him find his life again.
Looking forward, we think it will be worthwhile that I and my parent see a counselor/professional to discuss this and hear their thoughts on how to approach this issue, but I wanted to share this with the community here to hear any thoughts or ways forward you may have.
If you have any thoughts PLEASE let me know or if you have any questions for additional details that may be needed, let me know.
Thank you so much for reading and helping.