close the distance: Is drifting apart... - Anxiety and Depre...

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close the distance


Is drifting apart / very little or no physical contact / life as roommates a common stage of married life? Cuz that's what I'm going through and it sucks!

I don't know how to make my husband hear what I'm saying. I'm not interested in growing old with a roommate! I'm about done with being rejected all the time, every time I bring up a fun thing to try together or offer to take a little extra time off to spend with him.

Worst of all, I miss the sense of intimacy and closeness that simple physical contact fosters. I'm not overly demonstrative but I do appreciate the little gestures: holding hands, a kiss now and then, a hug hello or goodbye. Not much of any of that going on up in here, for almost two years now.

When I try to broach the subject, I get stonewalled. So frustrating! And so tired of being lonely in my own house!

How we went from being best friends to being almost strangers in the space of 16 years is beyond me. I want my husband back.

There is no overt animosity or abuse. We function as a family and manage the daily logistics but there's no spark left.

Any ideas? How does anyone else cope with this stuff? He won't do couples counseling or therapy, I already tried that approach during another low time in our relationship.

2 Replies

I’ve seen that pattern in couples so I don’t think it’s uncommon but I’m sure it feels very distressing. Why is he not willing to work on the marriage? That is cause for concern that he doesn’t see that there is a problem. You may need therapy on your own to sort things out.

My heart just aches for you. I can hear the sadness and hopelessness in your post. Thank you for reaching out and trying to get ideas. I’m really sad to see he’s not interested in counseling or therapy. Would that be something you would consider on your own? Individual counseling that done a world of good in my life for some different reasons. Have you ever heard of the Love Dare Challenge? It’s a 40 day long challenge that gives you a daily challenge to do for or to your spouse with no recirpercation expected from them. I have heard many stories from people that it has rekindled love again in the relationship. It may help. I’m really hoping and praying that your relationship can get that spark back.

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