“Not today and not tomorrow”

[morenews]

I have a rough morning today. Trying to pull myself out of darkness. Somebody close to me said not pleasant things to me last night. And it was not so bad, but it was a trigger to other negative thoughts which I am having today. I am back with dread that I am getting old, that I have health issues. It makes me think that I don’t want to depend on help of others ...physical help. I have problems with my leg, and it seems to me that it is something permanent or will get only worse ... because I am getting older. All those thoughts now pop into my head time to time, and I try not no dwell on them, talk to myself. I love the expression I heard: not today and not tomorrow. And I tell myself that today I am still not bad, and can do things fine, even with leg injury. And what I am afraid of will happen ...but not today and not tomorrow. And today and tomorrow still belongs to me, and I better enjoy it.

But what was said to me last night was exactly about that future ... when I will be weaker and depend on other people. Whoever said that did not know about my struggles right now, and it was enough to throw me into this depressive mood ...

Thank you for letting me vent here, I feel I needed it, I hope I will feel better the rest of the day ... and keep going ...what else can I do.

[AZ1970]

You are doing the right thing: using your thoughts to battle the depression. And you reached out to us. I hope things get easier today. Do something special for yourself.

[morenews in reply to AZ1970]

thank you, yes, i am trying to relax now and do things which usually help me to feel better.

[Dubba61]

That wasn't a very thoughtful comment to make to a person with depression. Morenews. Lots of People live to a 'ripe old age' and never need help, or become dependant. Of course we're all getting Older n slower n have a variety of ailments. (That person was probably expressing what they fear for themselves.) Doesn't mean we are incapable though. Don't dwell on that comment. I hope your today n tomorrow go well. ✌️😉🌻

[morenews in reply to Dubba61]

Thank you so much. Yes my today is better. I hope you are right, and i will be ok ... for years to come... self sufficient regardless of some health issues.

[Dubba61 in reply to morenews]

Yes, thats the spirit. I have health problems too. But, we mustn't give in to them. Best regards 😊✌️🌻

[sunandbutterfly]

I would encourage you to journal your thoughts and feelings. I know that writing these things as prayers often helps me. Also, if you have a counselor, may help to speak to them. Hope that you have a better day today.