I'm the mother of 2 special needs children. Both on the autism spectrum, my youngest had needed the most attention over the years. I decided to take college classes at home and be a stay at home mom for my kids and ensure they recieved all of the care and therapies needed.
My youngest 'came out' as transgender female shortly after my ex and I divorced, at age 15. I accepted this and told her after 15 years I may slip and say "he" or "him," but I'd try my best. I even took her shopping for feminine clothes, i felt were tasteful. (With a highly traumatic background, I want my kids to embrace who they are and not have regrets or resentment, fears, anything of the sort)
I had been proud to raise a happy low functioning autistic child who grew into such a high functioning level, she graduated amongst the elite in her class. She was comfortable in herself, even born male.
Her father never accepted the "transgender issue," he also had been absent, even when he was present during the marriage. My kids never had a bond with him. My youngest attempted suicide twice, requiring hospitalization, because of her dad and his new wife giving her a hard time about who she is. This devastated me.
The only time she and I ever had issues is when my health problems (physical & mental) had made it impossible for me to continue with my well paying medical career, and I had to resign, filing for disability. She wanted some pretty expensive items for her birthday that year which I couldnt afford. Dad could. Dad became the better parent.
After asking for help with chores (literally), she called her dad and he took her. I thought this was for a day. I havent seen her since (14 months).
Dad poisoned both my children against me, and for some time, i lost them both. My oldest came home recently to see Dad was lying, and because he realized stories he was told about his childhood, by dad, didn't make sense. (In each, I'm minimally abusive, when I had divorced him for being abusive).
I have no idea what my youngest believes, or if she's still she or he, or what is going on. She emailed just after Christmas saying all that I emailed her about were lies (i.e. Happy Thanksgiving, miss you, wish you were here. This is what's going on at home...). I replied that I was really sorry she felt that way, but I assure her I wouldn't lie to her. One of the things had been a boyfriend I'd been seeing for some time, he really wanted to meet the kids. So I'd sent my youngest a photo of me and my boyfriend together so she could see he wasn't made up, as she claimed. This sparked her to say I was "playing the victim," "toxic," and no longer welcome in her life. I know much of this has to do with influence from her father.
Today is her 20th birthday. Last year, literally, the stress of losing her and not being able to talk to or see my child on her birthday gave me arrhythmias and a condition similar to a heart attack and I was in the hospital for most of the evening.
I do not know what to do today. Ignore her and continue to let her believe what she wants and wait for her to come around lkke my oldest? Email something that will likely never be read due to an email block? I do know i am blocked from the last phone number I was given.
Of course, this one thing, atop a thousand other stressors has had me in bed, unable to eat or sleep all weekend.
Any thoughts appreciated.