I am Nicole and I have been battling PTSD and depression and anxiety for many years but just recently started being nasty and controlling. I ended up jumping to conclusions too much and mess up Every thing with the man i am madly in love with. I took things too far by slapping in the head/face area. He broke up with me and I am so alone and sad and ugly crying bc not bc he left me i am sad but also bc of my action. I have been diagnosed with BPD and this just happened recently. My heart told me one thing but my hand did it's own thing. I didn't want to slap him but I did and I regret it soooo sooo sooo much i can't explain. I have tried pills they don't work. I smoke and feel better and I am not the angry person I was 5 mins ago. It has worked like a charm until his ex called him i heard little details bc she was on speaker and then i got out the car walked away and he came for me to get in I did and then before i even shut the door my hand did what it wanted to do. I was beyond angry. I learned a huge lesson from this and he says this is temporary until we both clear our head and find ourselves doing better in life. Nothing is stopping me from feeling better bc i am surrounded by the house we lived in together. This is the only time I hit him. I felt disrespected. Turns out I over reacted and lost my fiancee. We had plans to get married in a couple months. He says he will never stop loving me and that he needs space. I want to call and text. I can't tho 😭 he is just a friend for the time being but everything i surround myself with is what reminds me of him. He helped me so much i was so happy but i let the anger get to me. My mind doesn't know how to walk through scenerios it just goes from calm to bad thoughts. I am recently learning about DBT. It's hard to do VERY HARD.
Please help me learn how to manage with this heartbreak. I know I am the reason but that's not the only thing that seperated us the slap just made him feel disrespected and he decided we need space. I guess being single and taking a break are the same? Idk anymore