Life is difficult enough. The stress and demand of work. Trying to do your job well and being a productive employee. The demands of being a spouse. To love in good times and bad. Being supportive. The importance of being a parent. To support and teach your children right from wrong. Protect and provide them a better life than you had.
Now add suffering from anxiety and depression. Your family and friends will provide support and encouragement, but for me and after 20 plus years it wears on them and that's understandable. They find it difficult to understand why it's so hard for you to cope with things that most people deal with on a daily basis. It turns them off and you can feel them pulling away. It'd be easier to have a medical disease that a doctor can diagnose and prescribe a standard treatment for.
And I get that. Who wants to be around someone who appears miserable and appears to have a negative outlook on life. The thing they don't understand is that someone who suffers from these ailments is that the more they are isolated, the worse their condition gets.
I have been on a multitude of medications to try and manage my disease. I've seen several different therapists each with their own approach to help me function. I have worked to change my circumstances and the things that are most anxiety provoking.
I have never felt worse and more confused. My anxiety is constant and there is no respite. The things that I love to do or watch provide no distraction. The best way I can describe it is as if my brain is on overload. Constantly searching for the negative as if it's trying to protect me. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of trying and find myself withdrawing more each day.
Now please don't take this as plea for help. I'm not looking for sympathy. I' been holding this in for a while and I just needed somewhere to unload my feelings. The best thing about this forum is I know I won't be judged. There are people who'll understand and people who've overcome.
If you read this thank you. I hope and pray you're in a better place mentally or on track to getting better. If not, take solace that you are not alone. And that sometimes, hope is all we have.
Written by
sshawn
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Hi sshawn, None of us are looking for sympathy but rather understanding. Unfortunately, the average person can't understand something they can't see as well as being chronic. I stopped long ago in trying to explain my anxiety disorder. It's impossible as well as frustrating when seeing the look on other's faces. When I wrote you 6 months ago, I was honest in laying all my cards out in front of you. Hospitalization, medication, therapy and going from one method to another in finding the key to unlocking anxiety from my life.
As I mentioned then, it took time. It took 30 years of my life that I'll never get back but I learned so much about myself during that time. Because of anxiety, I am a stronger person, I believe in myself, I know my self worth and no one could ever take that away from me. I am stronger than anxiety. I went through everything you are experiencing right now. I walked the walk and talked the talk. I never felt hopeless no matter how bad things got and they did get bad.
I truly believed that I would someday walk out of this anxiety and fear and the sun would shine again. If people didn't understand that was okay. I needed to take care of myself. Maybe I have fewer people around me now, but the ones I do have are a positive reinforcement to my life.
It's bittersweet to see you back on the forum sshawn. I had hoped you might have found your way but I'm glad that you've reached out to us once more. We are the strength behind you. The ones who are struggling are there to comfort you and those of us who have made it through and found the rainbow, understand and care. As for myself, my goal now is to pass it forward. You are never alone. Keep coming back and take away advice and suggestions that others have tried.
You are on "overload" right now and you need to sort it out and take one issue at a time to address. It's the only way sshawn. It will give you time to breathe in between finding the answers. They're out there for you and everyone of us. We're behind you, in numbers there is strength. It will all work out. Agora1
I haven’t been committed to this forum as I should because life is hectic and complicated. I can appreciate what you’ve been through and am always glad to hear from people who have come out for the better. Thank you for the feedback and kind words.
I totally get everything you wrote. I have suffered with anxiety, depression, PTSD and ADD most of my life. I feel like I constantly have to put on a front to stay upbeat so I don't turn people off but I still find that they don't stick around. What you said about the more isolated you become the worse the anxiety and depression become. I definitely find that and my therapist is always trying to get me to do more with people. Recently at work I had to move my room back to an old one I had used. The plus to the move is that I don't get distracted by people so I can accomplish more at work. The downside is that I am totally isolated from everyone now. No one is going to make the trip down to my room unless they absolutely have to. So all day I am only with kids (I am a special education teacher) or I am alone. Then I go home at the end of the day to an empty home because I am single. At least I have the dog and cat. Thanks for sharing. It is nice to see someone who totally understands what I have been feeling.
It's impossible if they don't know just like how I don't know how diabetes feels. Thank you for posting this is something I have been struggling with myself. I have bad insomnia that makes my depression and anxiety worse. I also have constant suicidal repetitive thoughts. It's really hard to explain to doctors that I think about milling myself at least once an hour but really need sleeping pills. Most doctors don't want to give a "suicidal" person sleeping pills. I " " suicidal because I think about it a lot but rationally know I'll never do it.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry for what you are going through and hope only the best for you. Maybe one day you and I can look back on this for the better.
I too have been dealing with the same feelings for 20 plus years. I have become terrified of fear. I don’t want to be afraid. I often think of self harm at least daily, but have learned that this is just a neural pathway, one in which is just a repetitive thought. I have learned to just label these thoughts as just thoughts, I don’t give them any power, which has taken away the fear of the thought. I learned that these thoughts are only be generated out of fear. The root of this issue,for me is in very sensitive and my feelings are often hurt. It’s thought to admit as a middle aged man,married with children in a successful career. I have come to terms with this fact and it has been very helpful. I haven’t learned how to express these feeling without being angry and blaming others,but hey I’m hopeful this day will come also. So for me it’s about finding that soft spot within and accepting it for what it truly is.
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Agora1
How do you meet people if you are really shy? Curious. 
People who understand are so precious 
How do you find the motivation to do the things you need to do?
How do you tackle loneliness?
How do you cope with your own insecurities?
