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[ceelovestea]

I was doing so good! I was so happy this past week. The HAPPIEST I have been! It was after that terrible breakup did I realize that I am worth more and I deserve better than that. But now as I type this, I am feeling the opposite. All these depressed feelings are coming back.. everything is. I am here crying. Why do I still care?! Unfortunately he has to pay me back a large amount of money and I feel like he never will pay me back. I am so upset! I had to chat with him today about the money and he was making fun of me. I asked him if he ever loved me, he said he doesn’t know. I asked him questions I already knew the answers to, he still lied. I am tired of all of this. I am so upset. I feel used. No one ever cares for anything except my body. They don’t ever care about my feelings or anything! I hate this I hate this. I’m over this life already! Things were looking up but now I don’t care. I’ve been put on a new medication for my migraines. Those aren’t working so far... I’ve started sleeping with someone because it helps my self esteem and it feels like revenge against the guy because it’s his bff. Now judge me all you want, but at this point I want to end it all I don’t care. I’m just upset. And hurt.

And life is too hard. My parents found out last year about all my mental illnesses when I attempted suicide. My mom mentioned that I look happy recently. That was nice, but then it’s back to the same shit. Them acting like my problems don’t exist. They are a huge part of why I am the way I am- though I’ll never tell them.

When will all this pain stop?!? I just want it to stop.

[chanteuse3342]

I just joined this morning. I am so so sorry you are hurting. I know your pain; I lived it for years and years. I finally started taking Zoloft, and my life has been worlds different. I still have blue days (why else would I be here, right?), but my ups and downs have mellowed. I had to dig deep to find out why my self-esteem was so linked to physical affection. Turns out I was molested as a child. Who knew. So many relationships that were wrong for me. Cara, I am sending out my good energy to you, to comfort you, to keep you safe, to help you heal. You can do this. If I did it, you can. I promise.

[fauxartist]

Do you have anything in writing about how much money this ex- owes you. Do you have small claims court where you are. All I gotta say is..stop talking to them and see what you can do to get your money back. Legal aid may be able to help you with advice., but if the amount is under the small claims court limit, you go in yourself, if it's over legal aide should be able to help you. Stop talking any further to this person for now, they are not going to help you. Your letting them bring you down..don't ....take back your power...you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, except nothing less from now on.