I was doing so good! I was so happy this past week. The HAPPIEST I have been! It was after that terrible breakup did I realize that I am worth more and I deserve better than that. But now as I type this, I am feeling the opposite. All these depressed feelings are coming back.. everything is. I am here crying. Why do I still care?! Unfortunately he has to pay me back a large amount of money and I feel like he never will pay me back. I am so upset! I had to chat with him today about the money and he was making fun of me. I asked him if he ever loved me, he said he doesn’t know. I asked him questions I already knew the answers to, he still lied. I am tired of all of this. I am so upset. I feel used. No one ever cares for anything except my body. They don’t ever care about my feelings or anything! I hate this I hate this. I’m over this life already! Things were looking up but now I don’t care. I’ve been put on a new medication for my migraines. Those aren’t working so far... I’ve started sleeping with someone because it helps my self esteem and it feels like revenge against the guy because it’s his bff. Now judge me all you want, but at this point I want to end it all I don’t care. I’m just upset. And hurt.
And life is too hard. My parents found out last year about all my mental illnesses when I attempted suicide. My mom mentioned that I look happy recently. That was nice, but then it’s back to the same shit. Them acting like my problems don’t exist. They are a huge part of why I am the way I am- though I’ll never tell them.
When will all this pain stop?!? I just want it to stop.