What Up? I'm KC

[Z239]

I'm not helluh articulate. I write every day in Medium about what's up with me.

Basically I have depression, anxiety, and probably other things.

My health ain't well. So is my mentality.

Everything starts from how I think and yo... Things either get negative or hyped up.

I just wanna sleep and eat well.

I have a resting bitch face but when I'm encountered I smile automatically.

Other times I just do the sup nod and that's it if the person's first impression was not cool.

As in I don't tolerate things that have gone overboard.

I don't let people slide as much anymore but I'm also lenient.

I write a lot. Damn.

Yeah introducing myself is hard.

I am 23 and Asian. I found out I'm Chinese and Spanish but I have only known I'm Filipino.

My past was just straight up shit but people saw me as a fun person. They have seen me cry but they would brush it off like it never happened.

I was always smiling and making fun of myself in purpose and other times I have no idea.

At least someone laughed.

But other times... As days went by.. I gave no fucks about my grades and how I pushed away people. Or tried to. No matter how mean I was saying stuff people still liked me... I don't get it.

That was great but how about now?

I only have a few people on my side and maybe two or three people sticking by me the most.

I don't end shit well so

Bananas

[fauxartist]

Welcome Z239, glad your putting your feelings out there and letting everyone here get to know you. Sometimes being young and trying to understand how to just get along in life is hard enough, cause your just getting started, most your age don't really have any great plans laid out yet for their future, that's normal...sounds like you put yourself out there socially, that's good...but also maybe have a bit of emotional mood swings while dealing with people, like you said your friends seem to understand that about you, that's good. Are you in any therapy to help you cope with your depression, anxiety, that's a lot to be dealing with too. Keep sharing.

[Z239 in reply to fauxartist]

I am waiting to know who is my therapist. I'll get notice next week or second week. But I did tell the person in phone that I'd like someone who is strong enough to keep up with me. I cry a lot after bottling things up.

I only have less than 10 friends. Circle is smaller than when I was in schools.

I didn't wanna get caught up with people who kept bringing me down.

I still feel like shit at home but in helping with chores and paying back rent. I'm also the one that's taking care of student loan. Student forgiveness. Since my first college shut down... I dropped out of second college.

I thought I was gonna die after dropping out but I started working.

I've worked in more than 5 jobs.

I want to get rid of my judgmental side of me...

[fauxartist in reply to Z239]

good to hear your going to therapy soon, then you will be able to start working on your self improvement goals, your very smart to do this in your life now, I waited many years too long to get started and wasted years of my life being un-happy. Just remember that the therapist is there to help you, and if you don't feel your getting what you need, you get another one...don't give up, your doing this for you. Keep sharing, that also helps I found....glad your hear.

[Z239 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much