Constructive Complaining

[Jholts95]

Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to complain/vent / express feelings in a constructive way. I struggle with anxiety and depression and I feel like venting can help me through my feelings. However, I’ve been reading a lot about how complaining and venting is actually not helpful and can bring people around you down too. Any ideas or things that have helped you?

[jkl5500]

That's actually one purpose of this forum - so you can vent to people who have been through it, and understand. I think occasional venting is necessary, but you do run the risk of wearing out the people around you. You already have the right idea. Try to bring up what's bothering you to friends and family in a non-threatening way, and ask for their opinion and advice.

[Jholts95 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you for your advice. I actually just found this forum so I may have to start utilizing it!

[hypercat54]

HI what you need is to learn assertiveness. This is how to get your feelings heard and understood in a non threatening way.

You talk to the person about how their actions make you feel laying no blame. You don't complain about them but you can ask them to stop doing certain behaviours. You must remain calm and in control and refuse to be drawn into any arguments or discussion as this will defeat the object.

Have a look at assertiveness training online.

Another way to let your feelings out safely is to take up some kind of sport or go to the gym or something. Or even pound your pillows as hard as you can. These all release tension and anger etc. x

[Jholts95 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi! I appreciate your advice. I am not a very assertive person so that would definitely be something I would have to work on. Although, being assertive would really only help if it involved a people problem and not a situational problem.

[hypercat54]

Not true. Learning to be assertive affects every area of your life as it lets you be your true self. It also gives you confidence in dealing with every aspect of your life.

It is taking your feelings and emotions seriously and listening to them. By dealing with them in a constructive way you validate yourself. x

[Jholts95 in reply to hypercat54]

Yea, you have a good point! Thank you.