unspoken words

[sosplz]

for the past few months whenever I get in bed I just lay there. I think about everything that went wrong, all the stupid things I did and all the people that probably hate me now. Then I think wouldn't it be better If I just died? I already feel the constant need to disappear and be alone. Wouldn't it be better then living a numb life where anxiety controls me like a puppet. Then I feel extremely guilty for thinking about this because I have an amazing family and the best friends I could ask for. Yet I still feel like there is no escape . I think about this for 30 minutes to an hour until I fall asleep. My mom just thinks I'm highly anxious and unenthusiastic at times but how could I tell her how I really feel if I can't even manage to say it out loud. The longer I keep it in the worst it gets.

[erin_c]

So sorry you are feeling this way. Have you tried journaling? Maybe you can journal out the negative thoughts. And then make a gratitude list and end by focusing on the good things in your life. The things we focus on get larger. Personally I'm trying to choose to tell myself good thoughts and not focus too much on the negative but I know that's really hard when physically we are just wired with depression and sadness. sometimes that feeling is overwhelming and I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. It helps me to get my mind off it, maybe watch a TV show or something before bed. I recently discovered a podcast called "the hilarious world of depression" ...I recommend it!

[sosplz in reply to erin_c]

Thanks, ya I'll definitely try it