Help

[Seritaj1]

Good night everyone. My name is serita. My husband suffers from aniexty really bad. Tjis is new to me. We have been together for 17 years. Not sure how to handle this.i try my best but most of the time i dont know why i forget he suffers from this. So i would say or do something without thinking and messes it up for him. His anixety goes threw the roof. What do i do to help us? I dont know. I am lost

[seekingthegood]

commitment is key. Your dedication to your husband and your commitment to supporting him is what matters. Even people who suffer with anxiety don't always know how to support others that do as well. Remind your husband often that you're there for him and will always support him and ask what would be the best way to do so.

[Seritaj1 in reply to seekingthegood]

When his anixety starts flareing up he really does say some hurtful things. I dont want to argue and fight so i say nothing. But that makea it worse. If i say something it makes it worse. I dont know what to say or do. I am so lost. All i wamt to do is run and hide sometimes. I am to the point where it makes me feel like i am having anixety.

[seekingthegood in reply to Seritaj1]

Relationships with anxiety can be really difficult. Lashing out is really common and I struggle with it in my relationship as well. The best thing to do I think is maybe suggest that instead of reacting he tries a coping skill to delay a response. My therapist recommended to me if I feel like I'm going to lash out that I name things I see around me in my head in an attempt to distract myself and calm down, for example "red sofa". Also has he seen a therapist? It changed my life. Couple's therapy may also be a good option but therapy can be expensive. Maybe consider talking to your husband about how you've been feeling.

Additionally maybe you could suggest that your husband writes down what he wants to say if he's having an anxiety flare up and then he can review it and decide if he still wants to say it. Odds are this could prevent some hurtful things from being said. I'm here for you and your feelings of fear and hurt are valid. Know that even if you say something that seems to upset him, it really isn't your fault. It's the anxiety's fault. Sometimes I picture mine as a little monster. It's the monster's fault, not yours.