My father

[tomb_raider]

I’ve been trying to restart my relationship with my father now that I’ve moved out far away. It’s been hard, as he doesn’t want to accept that him beating me bloody, stealing my $8,000 college fund for a hot tub and forcing me to sleep in an asbestos infested room is bad parenting on his part. As his daughter I will always love him and look up to him, but I wish he would accept that what he did was out of line and completely wrong.

He’s been nicer now that I’ve moved away. And weirdly helpful when I’ve been confused about what to do for insurance and basic household upkeep. I wish I could get my $8,000 back and get an apology but I know that’s never going to happen.

I’m unsure as to whether it’s worth it to pursue a father-daughter relationship after so much pain and so much time. It’s his birthday today and I wished him a happy birthday, but even that felt faked and wrong. I don’t know what to do.

[kenster1]

hi that's horrible what he put you through it really is.when I lived with my dad/family we argued fought all the time I was known as the baxxxxd child I was mainly a carer for my mum the reason I lived at home till 8 year ago.when she died he made me homeless in mid winter.now I get on great with him and have done pretty much the 8 years ive moved out.now he is really ill and I feel like I may lose him soon and my sons middle name is named after him.im spending more time at his now than on my own.its strange how its worked out sounds similar to yours I hope it has a happy ending for you all.

[Choosejoy]

Hello tomb raider. I am so sorry about your up bringing. I think you are amazing for pursuing a relationship. Take care of yourself first. You've been through a lot.

[akablonded]

Hi, Tomb Raider. What you're father did to you is abuse, on many different levels. Your reaction is one that lots of abuse victims have -- to make the abuser love and respect you. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You can't "make" anyone else do what you want them to. You can really only work on yourself. So, the best outcome you could hope for is one between two adults on an even playing field. Without lots of therapy (that includes your father), it won't happen. If this sounds harsh, it's because it comes from hard-found knowledge, and the realization that, as humans, we look for love, but sometimes the people we turn to can't/won't love us back. If they don't at least respect us, it's a recipe for unhappiness. As to the money, it would depend on whether or not it was legally taken from you. I'm not a lawyer, so I can't comment on it. Take care of yourself, Tomb Raider. (The name you've chosen for yourself shows me that you want to be strong. Sometimes, it's the hardest, most daring thing you can do -- being strong for yourself.)