The Struggle is Real ⚖️

[Hardlookcap]

Friday... I braved the mall. My family needed to do some shopping and after many hours and a lot of pushing, I went. I told myself to say yes and then only concentrate on getting into the truck and not on my scary destination. I had 3 mini panic moments on the hour long drive. When we got to the mall I was shaking like I was shivering. Just concentrated on getting to the door of the store. The split second I walked in ... the world hit me like a ton of bricks and my head rushed, I could feel my eyes being wide, and legs almost gave out. I thought for sure I was going to faint - somehow I didn’t. I almost fainted 3 times throughout shopping and I stumbled backwards and my husband saw. He looked terrified as I caught myself from falling thanks to the stores display. I couldn’t think clear enough to shop but I was present at least. I know I’m dehaydrated and I am not eating anywhere near enough ... been that way for a month now... so I was and am extremely weak.

Diff note: I found an office w a psychiatrist willing to take me on as a new patient even though they are full. I am currently waiting for them to call w appointment info.

Today I feel right on the line between anxiety and panic. If one thing bad happens .. I’m going to have a panic attack. I know myself well enough to be able to identify that to a “T”. Taking it easy for a few days because if I hit panic mode it’ll undo all my progress from the past week.

[Lostjoy]

Good job going to the mall. We have to push ourselves even when we don’t feel like it. It sure isn’t easy.

Did you find any good stuff?

I came back to work today after being off for a month. Today makes one week with no Xanax. I do have some kratom. Mornings seem to be the worst for me. It seems to help settle my nerves so I can start functioning.

[Hardlookcap in reply to Lostjoy]

Thanks. No I couldn’t really look at stuff because my mind was just concentrating on staying in anxiety mode and not getting to panic mode and keeping my balance. My head was real cloudy feeling.

[Lostjoy in reply to Hardlookcap]

Well at least you went. That is a big plus.

There just has to be a way to get rid of this anxiety. I feel like there’s a key to it and we just haven’t figured it out yet.

[Hardlookcap in reply to Lostjoy]

I know, me too. It’s very crippling.

[Windy101]

I think you deserve a great big medal for going to the mall and toughing it out with those symptoms. You are stronger than you realize to go through something like that.

I have had anxiety for years. It shows up in different ways and has changed as I've gotten older. It has gotten easier, thank goodness. One thing I know is to hang on to believing in yourself, no matter what. You did something incredibly difficult, and that says a lot about who you are.

People without anxiety have no idea what we go through at times. Maybe next time a smaller store would be easier and you can buy something special for yourself. You deserve it for your courage and strength!