Why me

Im the 3 child of five. Im the first to finish high school without being able to read to good. The first to go to college put a roof over my head and a car done all that with no help and still can't read good or spell Lol. At the age 13 or 14 my mom give me up to state because of her use of drugs. My dad was a rolling stone. So i really didnt see to much if him at all. B4 my mom give me up i had to grow up quickly because i had to take care of my sisters brother nieces and nephews. At time i slow down in school and made money the hard way i was a little OG i made sure food in house family clean and in school. I have seen and done some things that i am a shame about. For 3 to 4 years in state care in and out of home of people that use u made me learn the law quick to because my own care giver. I set goals for my self and reach them it all went down heal outer i had my first and only child with a dude that was 7yrs older the me knowing this dude will give me the family i never had and build i was 22 at time and i f***big time . Now its being 14 to 15 years with the same dude. I have lost my hope my health pace of mind and my life. Im like a gost. I go to work every day at 2am until im done i pull 8 to 14 hrs a day . Its like im nub. I make sure everybody help but me . I very upset a my self for one living with a deadly illness 2. I listening to my other half that didnt know anything about life family or the big one CREDIT. DONT GET ME WRONG i have love for this dude and know what he can do that plus he is my only support i got. Eveyday i ask y me i wake up everyday early be4 i need to get up from maybe 2hrs of sleep. Im always in pain mind always running. Sometime i do without eatting. Now i have to move out home i call home for 6 yrs. I cant get my meds that help me. Stay alive longer that make me sick every time i take it until i pay 156 . So that out of my budget do to paying to fix my credit score to try to buy a house. As you can see i feel like i have the world on my shoulders and one of the lake or oceans is leaking all over me and its very hard to get dry

[cmeanonymous]

1. You are a college graduate! That is amazing! Especially as the person taking care of all the other kids. What you’ve done is amazing.

2. You can get help with reading and it doesn’t cost anything. Go to your library and ask if they know of any adult reading programs. They should be able to help you.

3. What does your health care look like? Can you see a therapist? Your insurance program can help you look for one. You may even be able to talk to the doctor about a payment plan. I hope you can get help. That’s been my saving grace.

[Hidden in reply to cmeanonymous]

Thanks yes im very proud of my self but her come from someone that i dont know put a smile upon my face thank. Im good on the reading can't read very good but i can ready. Here in small city you have to lay down on your back have more then one kid never finish high school to get any help from government. I see 4 different doc most of them listen until they learn i have a deadly illness now they just want to give me drugs that i wont take. I hate pills if i know or feel like i wont work my body rejects them. I HATE PILL i had a big surgery done on my stomach last year due to not able to eat or drink for ayear do meds that help me with my illness come find out it was the meds was killing off faster then the illness was.

Im good it just dealing with life when you i already gave up on my self but i have push though it with a smile on my face because i not doing it for me its to see my little king smile and when its my time to go he be well taken care of. I hope and pray i can make a great life for him. Its hurt and very stressful when i dont have a clue of my next step or happen