Feeling Helpless!!!!

[Crys72987]

For as long as I can remember when I was younger, about 7, 8 or , 9 I've felt extremely overwhelmed all day, everyday. From the time I got on the bus in the morning until the time I got off the bus I worried and felt nervous. I've always been quiet, an extreme overthinker, always worrying about what people thought of me and feeling like everyone was staring at me and talking about me. I'm 30 now and I still feel the exact same way, although it's different in a way b/c I'm an adult now and I have a daughter that has to deal with me being this way. A couple of years ago I researched how ive been feeling all of my life and I'm pretty sure it's social anxiety and depression. It's really exhausting and it takes alot just to get up and go to work everyday, it's like I have to switch my brain to auto pilot just to get through the day interacting with kids and adults. I worry if I'm going to say the wrong thing, I worry about if I'm being judged, I just worry about everything and working with kids is stressful enough as it is. My anxiety kept me from going to prom, it keeps me from trying to get a better job, it interferes with my relationship bc I'm so self conscious and I ruin experiences bc I feel judged by him even though he's not judging me at all. Anyone else feel this way or remember feeling the same way as a child or throughout life????

[Me2121]

All the time.. being sick to my stomach/throwing up has always been my #1 symptom! I’ve been to the ER countless times for being nauseous and not being able to eat because of GAD. Use to be everyday before school it would start as a kid.. sucks, even now.

[Agora1]

Hi Crys72987, I do remember feeling like that when I was quite young. I had a fairy tale childhood but it wasn't without feeling anxious all the time. It wasn't until I became an adult and had years of therapy to figure it out myself where it stemmed from. My mother was a perfectionist. She expected and got this perfect little girl who never disappointed her or embarrassed her in social situations. I was dressed like a prized doll with curls and ribbons. I was taught to sing and dance at a young age. (I hardly remember but the tapes proved that I did)

I was loved, don't get me wrong, but it was instilling in me at the time that I couldn't be myself. It too followed me through the beginning of my adulthood. Always very aware how I presented myself in public made me very anxious. I wasn't prepared to think for myself and make decisions for myself for fear my mother wouldn't approve.

We all have different reasons for being the way we are when we reach adulthood which most of the time goes back to our childhood. It wasn't until I attended a class on self esteem and self confidence did I realize I needed to be who I was and not who my mother wanted me to be.

Things can and will change if we want it bad enough. I have now found a place where I am comfortable with myself and with life. And with that, I left Anxiety long behind. xx

Good Luck Crys, I support you in going forward. It's your life

[gogogirl]

Yes, this minute.

[gkskfangs]

i definitely understand where you're coming from. and don't worry, you're not alone. i also worry about a lot of things and it's crazy. i rethink of every conversation i had and wonder if i offended anyone. i say sorry a lot too. i feel like everyone around me is judging me, and i can't help it at all. my boyfriend, family and friends are not emotionally supportive at all. it wasn't until recently that i looked up about depression and anxiety and that had me trace back to those previous years i spent 'feeling down in the dumps' and kind of get what i've been going through. but i'm not diagnosed yet so i'm not sure either.

i know i'm in no place to say this, since i couldn't even improve myself. but, take me as an outsider now, you'll have to be kind to yourself, and tell yourself more often "it's okay". it's okay, that others don't get you because they don't understand and have never been in our place. it'll only frustrate yourself if you try to wonder why you are different than them.

hope things get better soon for you, we're here if you need to talk more on how you're feeling. hugsxx