New to this, excited for a community

[Moenoen]

Hey guys. So I've been struggling with bipolar depression and anxiety for a long time now. And even now that I'm on meds that help with the mood swings, I still find there's depression lingering. Sometimes I just don't know how to get through it. I want to be happy, and I don't see he point of life without being happy. I don't care so much about the material things or the accomplishment of jobs and stuff. I just want happiness in my life. And I guess I'm joining this because things have been getting a little worse. I'm finding less and less motivation to keep moving forward because that happiness keep being so fleeting. And I have so much to be happy about, but often I just can't get there emotionally. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but my thoughts have been scaring me lately, and I'm tying not to run away to hospitals like I usually do since they don't truly help me. Any advice or tricks you guys use would be awesome. Thank you!

[Batcave]

I don't know about advice or tricks but I can sure let you know that you are NOT ALONE!!

Here is my take, for myself. I have basically thought the words you wrote and my conclusion is that as long as we keep searching for or wanting the happiness we are healthier than broken. Does that make sense? I feel as long as we keep up the fight..wanting happy instead of sinking into the darkness of our diseases then we are tilting the scales in favor of 'whole' than broken. Whatever whole looks like.

I guess what I am saying is from what I read you should give yourself a pat on the back, you seem to still be on the right road to happiness. Being thankful, which I detect in your writing, is a degree of happy.

In a group I attended, we concluded that a good idea was to remember the last time you smiled. Think about it. What were you doing. Where were you. Who were you with. And then, try your best to replicate that. For me it was a movie I had watched. I can forget myself in the stories of movies and I find myself smiling or sometimes crying and it helps.

Stay strong,man. You have it in you, I hear it!!

[Moenoen in reply to Batcave]

I actually really like your perspective. If we know what we are working toward and value, then we're not as broken and hopeless as we think. I needed to hear that, thank you 😊

[blackcat64013]

Hi Moenoen,

Welcome to your forum.

I have realized as someone who has battled depression that often my every day normal is "not so good". When we are better, it's good to write ourselves a plan for what to do to cope when you are struggling. Help is there when you need it and it's immediate.

Knowing that I might be headed back down the path of depression and beating myself up for allowing it to get this bad, I often require a kick start into self care mode. This is where my plan sitting on my fridge comes into play. It tells me what I need to do to stay on top of it.

My #1 item is to send out an SOS - to let my family members AND my mental health professional know that I am struggling.

My #2 is to offer up a truthful answer to family when asked "how are you". At the very least, my answer is "I'm doing okay but not great".

My #3 is asking for the support crucial to getting me where I need to be, whether its appointments or doing self help tasks with me. These items are also on the plan.

After asking for help, the big M word Motivation is the hardest thing to conquer after getting better sleep in my opinion.

[Moenoen in reply to blackcat64013]

I do need to start setting up things in my life that help me through it and are healthy. And be honest with people when I'm down. Thank you!