Anxiety and Depression Support
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Can I be having flashbacks ?

Lately I've been very emotional. Last year on November 22nd, I had what I call a near death experience. I had such a bad panic attack it left me traumatized. This past week all I keep thinking is there's something wrong with me or I'm gonna stop breathing or fall over dead. I'm having weird thoughts. And I'm paranoid. Example a good friend of mines son, who is my age (24) just was found dead a few days ago. And me right away I get fixiated on that . Like oh my god what if that happens to me , what if I ever tried to hurt myself. I don't wanna die , I'm scared etc. thankfully I'm on Prozac just started about a week ago again so I hope it helps me at least control these weird thoughts. I'm kinda embarrassed to talk to people about all this because I'm afraid of being judged like I'm crazy . I went to a shrink before and I didn't like her she kept looking at me like I'm a nut job. I have bad anxiety and it makes me somewhat depressed. I travel 120 miles a day round trip to work and that's really getting to me sitting at a desk all day, I change jobs in less than two weeks thank god I found one closer. It's like if I'm with a group of people I'm fine , but I can't sit . I need my mind constantly occupied. What helps you guys ?? Sorry for ranting .

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My panic attacks had the same exact theme. I would always feel like I would die any minute from some stupid irrational reasons, and my mind would go ballistic (especially if I was alone or felt isolated). After that I'd get really bad agoraphobia and feel horrible until the next one sparked. After finally seeing a psychiatrist, he put me on Zoloft 50mg (which is an SSRI just like Prozac). About 3 weeks after being on the Zoloft, my panic attacks became much less frequent and severe. A couple weeks after that, and my panic attacks were almost non-existent! I really hope that Prozac works just as well for you cause I know how shitty panic attacks feel.

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I have had this type of severe anxiety and panic in the past. I was sure that I was losing my mind. I felt very paranoid and I was afraid that the thoughts I was having were the beginnings of severe mental illness. It wasn't. I was ok. I got through it with the help of Paxil and therapy. I really recommend you tell your doctor. There may be something s/he could give you to take until the Prozac begins to work. Also, I encourage you to see a therapist. You can trust them. I know that it may seem like you can't right now. I've been there. I felt like if I told anyone they would have me committed. It doesn't happen that way unless they think you are in serious danger of hurting yourself. Even then, s/he would begin with encouraging you to seek a higher level of treatment. I am currently in grad school to become a counselor and I have learned a lot. What you are describing does not sound suicidal. You are just in the throes of a serious anxiety attack. Talking to someone who can help you find ways to work through this would be helpful to you.

In the meantime, take a mental inventory of the positive things in your life. You are starting a new job. Your drive won't be so long. You may even have time to get in some exercise, like a walk or run, now that you are working closer to home. You were smart enough to realize you were in need of help and went to the doctor. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. Think about the friends and family you have. Do something you enjoy. Tell someone you are close to that you are having a hard time with your anxiety. Little by little, these things will begin to help.

When I was at my worst, I started a journal where I made myself write down two positive things that happened during the day. Something as simple as "I talked to my friend today" or "the man in line at the grocery store was polite." Even those little things helped. I think it was also that I gave myself an assignment. I was essentially doing cognitive-behavioral therapy on myself and didn't even know it!

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. You will get through this.

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