I am constantly worry. Feels like I am always on edge. Something bad is going to happen so I have to prepare for the worse. Can't let my guard down. Whenever I am doing something new or meeting someone new I make myself sick with worry up until it is over with.
Lost in my own mind. Sometimes feel like I am the only one on this earth. Can go hours without talking but my mind will be going a million miles a mintue. Cant turn off my brain
Whenever I am out in public I know someone is going to start shooting. I have vivid images in my head of my husband and baby being shot in front of me. There brains are everywhere and my intense feeling of loneliness that I will never see them again. I hardly ever die in these scenarios. Death would be to easy.
Sometimes it feels like I am not myself. Like theres Haley and I am looking at myself from the outside in. I see her talking, eating, living but thats not me. I dont feel like we are the same people. Thats when the thoughts stop. When I dissassociate myself with her. She's weak. She doesn't deserve her husband or baby. I feel like I am going insane. She doesn't deserve to live. I feel such a strong desire to live but also a strong desire to give up. Please help me. I am trapped in my mind.
Numb. That's the best way to describe it. Sometimes I feel so numb but anxious at the same time. How can that be possible? It's so hard for me to be honest with how I am feeling when it confuses me so bad. I feel horrible. My upper back hurts so bad from all the tension. I can't make love with my husband because I can not relax. I can not escape my thoughts. I don't feel in control of my own emotions. They have a mind of there own and I am just here for the ride.
I am so tired of living this way.