ANXIETY BACK! Home from vacation!!

What a GREAT VACATION!! No anxiety or depression & I felt so calm & relaxed - it was wonderful! BEING AWAY FROM HOME actually felt GREAT! This is actually an unexpected thing for me to say, considering that I often struggle & I MAKE MYSELF go out here in my hometown. Also, I struggled to pack & even get out of town, but once I was there I FELT BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS! The ENTIRE TIME I was on vacation, I didn't once wake up with ANXIETY & that feeling of "an elephant sitting on my chest!" Well - I woke up at home this morning & it WAS HORRIBLE!

I felt almost like I was "safe" there! Safe from JUDGMENTS & people that I have know in the town since I was 12 years old. It's a small town & I can't go anywhere without running into someone I know. I just don't want to be involved with the people that I used to be around & I don't feel like I "fit in" anywhere here.

It's not that "I care what others think of me," but I just don't like living in this town. Everyone knows everyone else's business & even at the age of 44 the drama & gossip is RIDICULOUS, so that's just another reason I stay away from people. I can't deal with the bullshit. I have 3 close friends here, but I hardly ever see them because 2 are single moms & work all of the time and the other is hard to keep up with too.

I KNOW my anxiety has A LOT to do with my "environment" & the fact that I have been living with my parents for so long since I can't go back to work yet. Both my therapist & my psychiatrist have told me several times in the past that part of my anxiety is "situational anxiety!" I hate to even say this, because my mom is an amazing mom & has always been!! She has been so supportive throughout my life in dealing with my anxiety & depression. She took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself in 2012-2015 (over-medicated, weaning off medications & having seizures) & she still helps me through the seizures & is here for me in any way she can be. BUT - My mother creates A LOT of unnecessary stress! She is just very overwhelming & stressed out so much herself that it stresses me even more. She is a very "negative" person, her "opinion" is always right, she always criticizes me, there are times that she gets so frustrated with my anxiety & depression that she calls me psycho" or says things like "she's just crazy!" I know she doesn't understand my anxiety or depression or how it truly makes me feel when she says things like this, but it hurts me a lot. I have tried to talk to her about it & her response is always the same - "You are just looking for something to be DRAMATIC about!" She treats my dad the same way - she talks down on him all of the time, is very judgmental of him, criticizes every move he makes! I have talked to my dad about how the way she acts sometimes effects me & the how the things she says hurts me & he 110% agrees that she is only making me worse - multiplying my anxiety & stress level by 100!!!

But, I can't afford a place of my own with the little bit amount of disability check I get each month. With that being said, I have to find SOMETHING to do to make money so I can get my own place, but the thought of going back to work is just not feasible right now. I am working on some ideas of things I can do to start a small business - like "pet sitting."

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why cant you go back to the resort area you were at and try to get a job in one of the hotels or shops, you could have a calm and peaceful life and be at the beach every day. maybe even get an apt for free if you get a job in the hotel. i know where you were and its so laid back there.

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It's funny that you said that, because my career is in property management. I managed apartment complexes for over 18 years. I started in the industry right out of college as a leasing consultant & moved my way up to a Regional Property Manager. I was responsible for 2,700 apartments in N. Carolina, S. Carolina & Georgia. So - I HAVE THE EXPERIENCE!!

The thing is - property management is A LOT more STRESSFUL than people think it is!!! Dealing with corporate all day, reports sent to corporate office all day long, A LOT OF NAGGING regardless if you are doing your job EXACTLY how you are supposed to! I was working 12 hour days (traveling 4) & working on the weekends the majority of the time. I honestly did not realize how miserable I was working in the apartment industry until I had to stop working. Having not worked in so many years has given me A LOT of time to think. I will never go back to apartment management again.

BUT - Resort Management, from what I have heard is so much more laid back!! I am going to give that some thought & research some jobs, salary, living expenses, etc. in that area. Then - I will approach my doctor to see if he will release me to work!

THANK FOR THE ADVICE!!!

WOW!!! THAT WOULD BE A DREAM COME TRUE!

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so glad i could help!!! i would love to live at siesta key beach, the beach the shells the friendly people. good luck

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Siesta Key is right next to Long Boat Key where we stay. Love the white sand, blue water & walking on the beach looking for seashells!!