Vacation anxiety

[Lilimay]

So this may sound a bit silly but is it normal for a spouse or significant other to go on vacation with family without taking their partner?, I'm going on vacation for a week with just my mom and sister for her graduation gift and my partner is really upset about it saying that he'd never do that to me like what I'm doing is a bad thing and its sending my anxiety through the roof.

[Rafiki11]

It is normal for some couples. It’s not okay for other couples.

I would be fine with my spouse going on vacation for a week without me once a year or so.

My spouse would probably agree with your partner to an extent. He would not want me to be gone without him on vacation for a week.

We have different attachment styles. I’m an avoidant; he’s an anxious. Avoidant attachers are a bit closed off and fine with some physical distance sometimes. Anxious attachers are a bit clingy and their “attention cup” never quite fills up.

Do you and your significant other have a romantic vacation planned?

Does your mom have a pattern of excluding your significant other or is this a girls trip that husbands probably wouldn’t enjoy much?

[Lilimay in reply to Rafiki11]

Its a one time thing for my sisters graduation she wanted it to be a girls trip; but no my mom usually includes both me and my partner in all activities and trips; however I am planning a romantic trip for just me and my spouse after this but when I told him what was planned for us or try to discuss a trip for just the 2 of us it didn't seem to make things any better. Idk if maybe it was because I had almost left him for other more serious reasons about a month ago we have been working on patching that up but this trip has been planned for almost 6mths prior and alot of money and planning has gone into it; I did offer to cancel going but he said it would make things worse.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Lilimay]

If you’ve been planning this trip for 6 months and he’s known all along, definitely don’t cancel the trip!!

[Rafiki11 in reply to Lilimay]

I was looking at some of your past posts. How many times in a week does your SO use guilt and anger on you? You don’t have to tell me. Just think about it.

It looks like to me he might be setting you up to fail. Maybe he “lets” you do something he doesn’t approve of so he can hold it over your head later?

[Lilimay in reply to Rafiki11]

Ty I am going to definitely have to pay attention to this

[FearIsALiar]

It’s completely normal! Don’t feel ashamed for it

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

That is normal. I do things with my mom snd sibling all the time. It sounds like he has insecurities in himself and his own self worth. Tell him he’s welcome to go somewhere without you and that you are secure enough in yourself to be able to stay home.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Timing us key. He obviously has trust issues since you’re not in a good place as of yet. A little more understandable that he has insecurities.

[endofheartache1290]

Is it normal yes. Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop having your own independence. However, as I don't know the full situation, perhaps your partner likes traveling with you and is upset because they felt it was something you both would do together. I am not certain what the context is but this is why communication is so important. Expectations for two people can be drastically different and if they are not discussed they can and often do lead to problems. I would ask them why they are so upset about you going on vacation and if it happens to be for something stupid then figure out how to work and move past it or figure out what both of your expectations are.

[Blueruth]

Normal and common. Would he really want to be on a girls vacation?

[pam4him]

I'm sorry he's not more supportive of your time with family. Perhaps help him find something to do while you're gone. Some type of guys getaway with a couple of his friends. It is healthy for couples to have time away from each other. It may be trite, but distance often makes the heart grow fonder. Set a time to talk with him each day, maybe when you first get up. Try to balance the conversation by asking what he's been doing, then sharing one or two things from your day. Tell him you're enjoying your time, AND you are looking forward to being home with him soon. Hopefully this will lessen his angst and your anxiety. Prayers for peace.