My Introduction And Story

[Robert214]

Here goes nothing :/

My name is Robby and I am 28 years old. I have been struggling with depression for probably 8 years now, maybe longer. I am not sure when my anxiety started but i would wager at least 6 or 7 years. I have not been formally diagnosed with either but I fit all the symptoms and have had a few anxiety attacks within the past year. I have always been aware of when I become depressed, it tends to come and go depending on what is going on in my life. The anxiety on the other hand i was not aware I had until the beginning of this year. It became apparent when my last relationship began to fall apart. My girlfriend of almost three years has suffered with depression for a long time, abandonment issues, childhood sexual trauma as well as being raped as an adult by a former boyfriend. She was doing very well for about the first year and a half we were together. I blame myself a lot for her sinking back into her depression. I was really stressed out and started drinking more then I should have been which was a major issue with her. It made her more distant to me which made me more frustrated with her. I would quit drinking for a while but it didn't always seem like she appreciated my efforts. I started asking her to see a therapist for her personal issues and told her that I wanted to get counseling for our relationship issues as well. I didn't want to push the issue but I would bring it up from time to time and was looking at therapists that I thought might be good for us. It never happened.. The last three months we were together (she left me in April) I began to notice a change in her behavior. I could tell she was keeping things from me and lying to me about it. I began to suspect she was cheating on me, all the signs were there. It was around this time my anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks, it was overwhelming and seemingly unstoppable. My depression also got much worse.. I believe i also suffer from something called Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)which seems to be the underlying cause of my anxiety. The week prior to her kicking me out (we had discussed it) was total hell for me, I couldn't go to work i don't think I ate more then twice, crying uncontrollably...you all know the symptoms.. I was pretty bad off for about 3 weeks after the break up and then things started to get better. I had what I describe as an epiphany. I realized that I was in control of my emotions and state of mind. It allowed me to cut out basically all of the bad emotions and effectively "turn off" my depression and anxiety. Unfortunately I was not able to do the same with the (DPD). While it did get better I found myself craving some form of romantic relationship with other women and started dating again. In the days leading up to and these two days since what would have been three years for us i have regressed back into the depression. I recently moved 130 miles away from everyone I know and have been fine while at work or out in public, but whenever I am alone with my thoughts I hit such horrible lows.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it is a long post. There is so much more to this journey but I think this is enough for now

[jewlz17]

Hey Robby we all here for one reason or another. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. It's not easy to be open about these thing and I understand what your going thru but just know your not alone. The journey to get better not easy but you making the effort I'm sorry you going thru this though. Hope things get better for you.

[laurenmc-1993]

hi robbie

thanks for sharing your story, know that we are all here for you and if you need to talk just send a message. Ive found that I can breathe a little easier knowing support is a few buttons away xx

[andrun123]

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds to me like you are really grieving the loss of your relationship, which has sparked this new low you are feeling. Special days like anniversaries and birthdays can bring those feeling on so quickly it's like being hit by a truck. Moving away can add to that as well - it can be quite lonely at times to be in a brand new place. Grieving is natural and the process may take a little while, but that part will get easier.

However, you have been experiencing this depression on and off for years. Have you sought any type of counseling for yourself? I don't like to push any kind of treatment on to anyone but will just say that counseling has helped me the most with my depression and anxiety. I also take medication, but simply sharing and being honest about how I feel with my counselor helps. Finding someone you feel comfortable with is important. He/she can give you new insights into reasons for your anxiety and ways to cope when you are home and depression strikes.

I wish the best for you. Be strong. If you need anything, feel free to chat -- you're not alone!!

-A

[Hidden]

Courage and bravery to share your story. Now get help on the outside. Stop drinking with AA. They can help in many ways on living a better life in every way. I have been in and out for 20 years. Four months ago I suffered terrible anxiety and through every resource AA suggested: people places things change everything. I am finally seeing positive change