I feel like screaming but nothing comes out, where am I is stuck. How do I just suck it up and deal?

[Peoplepleaser]

Feel like someone is going to run up behind me scare me

People pleaser

Hi everybody I don't know about anybody else but if I'm actually talking about something on the Internet that's usually a sign that something is seriously wrong. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression and on top of that I have an addiction problem but that right now is under control however I don't know if it's from post-traumatic stress disorder or this anxiety I have where I can't speak without stuttering I don't want to leave my home I don't trust anybody around me I feel like a Target on the outside and it's to the point where I'm physically making myself ill. I'm afraid every time I come walking back from the grocery store I have that feeling like somebody's behind me and they're about to run up behind me and bash my head in or something crazy like that. I finally found a doctor and now I'm once again with a new fear and anxiety going to the doctor and meeting them and trying to explain what's going on and not sound like a lunatic. I don't want to be judged by my past and as much as I love hearing people say oh doctors don't judge you I'm sorry but I haven't really met too many that don't. When anything comes up about drug addiction automatically they think you want something for a high. As the day gets moving forward I've just had to find a way to figure out something to do and I thought maybe if I joined a site it would help. I don't have any friends and I have a boyfriend that's very rarely around and we actually live together that's the worst part he does not understand anxiety depression or addiction and therefore I am very lonely. anybody with advice I will welcome it and I am very open-minded and especially if I don't have to look at somebody I can actually pay attention and not worry what they think of me a 40 year old grown woman scared of her own shadow.

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[Hidden]

Whew,,,you have a lot on your mind. Glad you have an appointment with your doctor. As far as your concern about a judgment of you because you are recovering from an addiction, I think if you tell your doctor about that, he/she will be careful not to prescribe anything that would interfere with your sobriety or clean time, and that you will be respected and not judged. I wish you the best in your efforts to deal with your anxiety and maintaining your recovery from your addiction.

[Hidden]

Hi I wouldn't agree that doctors judge you, but I would say they tend to think in stereotypes so if they put you in a box that says 'addict' then they would tend to treat you like that and assume that's what you have come to them about. That's the framework under which they deal with you.

I get the same thing at my doctors. Because it's on my records about my depression etc. then if I go with something else they often assume it's depression related even when it's not. Or that I am exaggerating it and worrying over nothing. I don't have any answers for that I'm afraid.

I hope you manage the get the help you need.

[Peoplepleaser in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, I guess I miss used the word "judge", its more of categorized so, I'm going to the doctor appointment for only the ailments I'm having problems with. I will talk about medical issue like if I go to dentist I talk about teeth not foot pain. Thanks for the feedback!!!

[erraticthoughts7 in reply to Peoplepleaser]

I do not believe that you misused the word at all. Stereotype is a belief that an individual is part of a certain group based on characteristics. If judging were not going on, we would all be receiving the same level of treatment while at the doctor`s office and we clearly know that is not the case.