No drive

Idk what to do with myself. I try sleeping and can't. I don't want to leave my apartment. I'm just wondering when my job will say something to me. Too tired and I'm afraid of actually making it to work and somebody does something to make me angry. Like I hate calling out but I just want to be alone in my apartment. At least I don't have to deal with others and their ignorance on top of my thoughts, fears, worries. The racing thoughts are annoying as hell. 😪

[blackcat64013]

Thanks for your honesty.

I have discovered this lovely article in The Mighty "What I Mean When I Say ‘Mornings Are Hard’ as Someone With a Mental Illness"

themighty.com/2017/06/morni...

The real problem is your sleeping which you need to get under control. No sleep = no energy.

Just this weekend, I saw my doctor who suggested that Temazepam is the way to go (gives you 6 hours rest & you are not too sleepy to go to work - just need to work out the best time to take it for you). Doctor also prescribed a 30 minute walk before going to work.

You can take a "mental health day" off work here and there without feeling guilty.

If you are struggling at work, can I suggest you:-

1. refer yourself to the Employee Assistance Program if there is one for some confidential counseling.

2. schedule a meeting with your manager to discuss your health status and ask for some reasonable accomodations in the workplace

3. read a book called "Working in the Dark" by Fawn Fitter which is about working with a mental illness. Lots of great reviews on Google.

[Hidden]

Wow I could closely relate to the story in the link. These are all great advice. But idk if I am comfortable with co- workers including my manager knowing I'm on meds and suffering from depression and anxiety. Everyone thinks I'm happy, sweet and that I love working. I would hate for my info to get out because them people gossip so much. At times I feel like I'm back in high school and when I separate myself they wonder why. I rather be stuck with the torment of my feelings and thoughts than engage in such acts. I will contact my therapist tomorrow and pick up the book you recommended since I love reading. Thanks again for the advice.

[Bigbread in reply to Hidden]

I hear that. I work in an industry that intensely scrutinizes your background. This has caused me to keep the anxiety I experience under wraps for years. I just signed up for this forum today and purposely Included personal info and my picture as a way to officially give the middle finger to trying to keep my 'deep dark secret' hidden from others. Time to own the anxiety rather than it owning me! I must say, I feel much better. I don't walk in your shoes, so I don't know if coming clean about your anxiety is the right path for you. I can only say that it feels liberating for me. I sincerely hope that you find relief. I feel for you

[Hidden]

I'm not struggling at work but I've outgrown my duties so to speak but it's a good federal job. Hard to get in. But I get tired of witnessing people taking advantage of their position or people being pretentious among other things. But I know regardless of where I go I will experience it. I often think about working from home. So I would rarely have to leave my apartment unless it's for college or a doctors appointment