Work Update :-(

So, I ended up breaking down and was sent home from work on Friday. :-( This has not been the first time that I broke down at a work place (especially, at this particular job for that matter). :-( I was told to not come in to work on Monday, but rather to wait for a call. I'm in big trouble now and have to really look for another job. :-( My husband is upset and I really don't know what to do. Can I be fired for having multiple mental breakdowns at work? If so, can I collect unemployment?

I have had plenty of issues holding a job in the past. The thing with me is that I take things way too personal from other employees to the point that I break down in unacceptable ways. :-( These negative things that other employees do and say build up inside me to the point that I can't take it anymore and I eventually explode by crying uncontrollably at the work place and I am unable to address my feelings with the other employees who I feel harmed by properly.

I was prescribed medication to control my stress level and these crying spell, in additiin to what I take on a daily basis. My psychiatrist told me to take this medication every day also until I could get the uncontrollable crying and unbearable stress/anxiety under control. Unfortunately, the site director and HR confronted me about this because they noticed me spacing out. So, I stopped taking it at work before going to work. It seems that I can't win.

I dread the phone call later on today by my employer. No matter what, I need a fresh start and I really can't get involved with drama from other employees at the work place anymore for my sanity's sake. I would greatly appreciate any advice on this matter. Thanks

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  • I have had the same experiences but, I've always left the job before being let go by my employer. You should be able to collect unemployment if they fire you. Help this helps.

  • Thanks for your reply to my post SMRJ. Even though I will be able to collect unemployment benefits, being let go is just another hit to my self esteem and doesn't look good to other employers. I think I am just going to tell them when they call that I am going to explore other options. I applied to 20 jobs yesterday through indeed.com. I really need a fresh start and advice on how to not get involved in work drama and to not let the drama and the words/actions from toxic people control me. I can't keep jumping from one job to the next. It's a vicious cycle. :-(

  • Yes, that's true I've had that self esteem issue too. I hope all works out for the best for you.

  • I understand about self esteem, and mistakes and other issues, and I am an " old dog"

  • I have a lot of self esteem issues. I know that working at the head start program had more cons than pros. I really felt ostracized. Even so, I am starting all over again. I have a new therapist who really needs to help me cope with these issues, no job as of now, a new PCP who I don't see until later on this month and my psychiatrist who I see next week. I am also in a predicament money wise again.

  • Remember any job contains some drama because there are people there. Are you a younger person- is it possible that you are interested in another field all together?

  • I love working with young children, but I think that working in a head start program is not for me anymore. I have been applying to jobs working in daycare centers.

  • What are you good at? what do you enjoy? have you any crazy bright ideas that just might work? I'd like to see ya make them happen and some get funding to start your own little business venture that provides and thrives along with yourself and your family. I've been bullied at work in the past and ended up very ill and on the sick for a long time, Ive just found my confidence and bit of zest for life back recently so Im gonna go make things better out there, build my community and create a charitable organisation that really helps people, groups, new business and the environment 2. I care too much n I cant stop it but i can do things about and so that i will.

    Do what you can lass, Im sure it'll be really cool ;xD

  • You words are very inspiring DE_MAGICAl. :-) I too have a passion for helping those who need it the most, especially working with children and I truly want to make a difference in their lives. :-)

  • Thankyou Kakee83, Im sure you will make a big difference. I'll never forget my first teacher Mrs Smith, a very delicate lady real sweet and kind, I was quite ill with asthma as a child so her patience and understanding made her an outstanding teacher who we all loved. Then there was also a certain cleaning lady at the hospital i got to see often as a regular patient over the years and felt proctective vibes from. Quite strange how certain people never leave you, n its was a cleaner not a nurse gave me the most comfort. So whatever you do, it matters ;xD

  • Did your zest come from lifestyle changes, etc or medication?

  • It actually came from being diagnosed with NF1 neurofibromatosis its a genetic condition ive had all my life but finally understanding why Ive struggled in certain aspects of my life and knowing I could have had it much worse, has helped me make certain changes to my life, bit by bit, little by little. For my diet it was cutting out alchol and meat, for my social media connections i joined different groups with people who understand my struggles, then for person growth and wellbeing i started practicing mindfulness and taking time to meditate and for my fellow humans being positive for others the best way I can, sending healing positive vibes out to those in need. Making plans and having ideas for things i would like to do, but not feeling bad If I don't manage to accomplish them (believe there's another me in a parallel universe somewhere who did manage the task ;xD)

    Lots of different changes that have happened over the last few years, and also admitting at times i need help and can't do it all alone, which a good friend who came into my life and helped me make the changes and shown me better ways to go about things.

    Lots of things really that all interconnect, finding time to appreciate music and arts and nature getting out for a walk in local parks, lots of small steps in the right direction and sharing this with others to try help make the world a better place for us all.

    Hope you can find some ideas in there to help you along Mypoodle1122

    Be good 2 ureself, ure awesome, dont ya know ;xD

  • I do not believe you can collect unemployment if you are fired. I believe that it is for people who are laid off due to budgets etc. Is there any way to take a medical leave?

  • I actually found another job right away working with infants. :-) It's as a teacher in a Montessori school working with young children. The pay is better and even though it's only my third day on the job, I am happier there. :-)

  • Congratulations.

  • Thanks for your support. How did you end up getting through your issues/ negative experiences​ in the workplace​, SMRJ?

  • I would go part time or leave the job completely before being let go..Sometimes I'll have netting with my supervisor to express my issues before they got out of hand also.

  • Hi I don't know what country you are in but my advice is if they are willing to keep your job open is to say yes. But tell them you need some time off and you will be going to see your doctor. If in the UK you can self certificate for 7 days then you will need a sick note.

    No employer will sack you for having multiple breakdowns but they can for not being at work and fulfilling your work contract. If you have been at the job for less than 2 years then they can say you don't fit in etc. and let you go. If over 2 years then you have full rights and they have to justify dismissing you.

    Do your employers know about your anxiety/depression? If not tell them. They then have a legal duty to see what they can do to help you stay at work. They should be making reasonable adjustments for you such as having more breaks, more sick leave, even moving you to a different job if they are able to. Bear in mind though that reasonable adjustments are subject to business needs. They should also be sending you to occupational health.

    If you do decide to leave or they dismiss you then you might or might not be able to get unemployment benefit. If you have paid enough National Insurance Contributions over the last 2/3 tax years then you will get contribution based benefit which isn't means tested. If not then it would be income based benefit and means tested ie they look at all the income coming into your household and you might not get it. Sometimes being fired or leaving your job voluntarily you might be turned down for JSA.

    It is always best if you leave a job through illness to see your doctor and claim ESA. For this you would need a sick/fit note. The same rules re claiming any benefit would still apply though and you still might not get any money.

  • sorry lilaclil...new to this site and I think I posted this reply under the wrong person! I believe I fixed it...

  • No worries.

  • If you are in the USA, and not under a union contract, then I believe you are an at will employee. You are still responsible for your behavior on the job, and to know the techical duties.

  • This is very true, gogogirl. That's why I quit when I did. I already had a lot of strikes against me.

  • I live in the USA lilaclil. Unfortunately, I was disciplined too many times even though they knew that I have depression/anxiety. I was forced to tell them. I ended up quitting, because they were not helping me at all even though they knew of my conditions. Even though I know that quitting was the better solution, I still need a job. Hopefully, I get another one and could actually keep it.

  • I hope that you are able to tell your psych about the meds, healthand a possible need for adjustment, and also get to see a doctor ( if you have not already ) to see if there are additional medical conditions that kick this in. I am not in a health field, but I have heard of people having vitamin and thyroid shortages that cause some distress.

  • I just left a message for my psychiatrist. I have an appointment with her later on this month. I also have an appointment with a new primary later on this month.

  • Well that is great. I also hope that your husband is supportive as well. Not going through this alone is very important as we all know.

  • Hi,

    I can completely relate to the issues you are having. I went through many, many jobs due to anxiety. I was always able to leave my workplace before falling apart emotionally, so my employers never really knew what was going on.

    My question for you is: do you feel like you have found your ideal profession? The only thing that worked for me was finding a job/profession that I was really good at, enjoyed more than anything else I ever did, and never questioned my abilities when I was at it. When this happened, even if someone said something to me about performance, I didn't crumble because I knew I was in the right place. Don't get me wrong...I still have mini panic attacks when my supervisor or someone else questions something I did at work (even if it isn't negative!), but they are much less severe and invasive.

    I battled this crippling anxiety for the better part of 35 years before finally doing better, so it can happen. Hang in there.

  • I always wondered how people say "I had". What stops OCD, MDD, Anxiety? I don't know how I obtained these disorders and the psych says (like alcoholism, you never really get over it). I guess I'm asking Ras20 HOW she recovered? Is there hope that one day we won't need this cocktail of pills to function. I think that's what draws me to this group. I know what the terminologies are, most of the meds, but what is really the key? I think I would rather go through alcoholism again rather then have a host of mental issues. At least, I would control it, not it controlling me. Does this make sense? Plus I apologize for butting right in your conversation. I obviously have an impulse control issue too.

  • Thank you very much for sharing, your experiences with mental health issues, MyPoodle 1122. We all pretty much seem to be in the same boat and it's comforting to know that we could share our experiences with one another. :-)

  • Thanks for your support, Ras 20. I definitely enjoy working with young children more than anything and I am good at it. :-)

  • Is that what you are doing now?

  • I am unsure as to what country you reside, however, there are human rights laws in place which employers must abide by, particularly discrimination.

    You should get documentation from your psychiatrist asap. Explain to your psychiatrist the situation regarding your medication andits effects.

    Call Human Rights and explain the situation. Your employer has to accommodate you.

    Accommodation is a two way process. You need to be able to demonstrate your efforts and so does the employer.

    When your employer asked you about the "spacing out", did you explain to them the situation? If so, it is HR's responsibility to investigate further and determine what accommodations are required. If no such action was taken you may have a case for wrongful dismissal (if you do in fact have your employment terminated as a result of this recent event).

    Have you tried cognitive therapy?

    It can be helpful!

  • Thanks for your reply and information, Mosaicofmothers. I ended up quitting the job, but I will remember this information for when I am ready to return to the work force.

  • I space out and make mistakes then can't believe I did them later on! Then I get angry at myself. Perhaps you have to get to the ROOT of this problem in addition to whatever you have been recommended. Perhaps you could set up a meeting with HR. and inform them about mh issues? Why do you take matters personally, and do you do this in your personal life also? I hope you also have a counselor and primary care physician also to rule out any nuerological, physical issues?

  • I definitely need to get to the root of the problem and for once tackle it head on. I have done this sort of thing in my personal life in the past. I see my new therapist on Saturday. I only saw her once before. I also am seeing a new primary at the end of this month.

    Thanks for the advice and for sharing gogogirl.

  • Thank you for sharing also. Please let me know how you are doing if that is okay.

  • Thank you for sharing this, I am currently in the same position, nice to know we are not alone ❤️

  • You're welcome, prm88. I stayed at that job as long as I could. Even so, I really don't know what I am going to do for money. :-(

  • Have you worked with kids before for pay? I am assuming you have the degrees to do so? I hope that you are able to get documentation from your psych. Perhaps ( if you have not done so already) you could try substituting? It's not great money , but it's something. You say you do not know what you will do for money, yet ( I know this is personal) you have a husband who is upset. I know it is very hard these days on one income, but I am assuming that he works? Finances can be very stressful- even when one is OLDER. I know that. Sorry you are going through this. I can relate because I have been there. I hope that you have other people in your life who are supportive as well ( Parents, siblings, friends? ) And we on this site are here as well. Also, I know this too- working with kids and having to put on a happy face can be very stressful as well. You might also ( if you have not before) look up the National Alliance on Mental Illness website, and see if they have a chapter in your area.

  • My husband is indeed the soul bread winner as of now. I lost another job before this one in October of 2015 and many others before that. Unfortunately, it's a vicious cycle and I don't know how to break out of this pattern. I really can't keep a job and I am mad at myself for this.

  • At least your husband is working, so you guys have money coming in. I do not know what your training level is, but have you thought about maybe being a paraprofessional? You would have a salary, benefits, holidays etc. . You sound like an intelligent person who has just gone through a rough ride.

  • Yes, it is good that he my husband is working, at least. I have a bachelor of arts in Liberal Studies with an area of concentration in Early Childhood Education. I have 18 credit hours in early childhood education courses to be exact. I love working with the infants-2 year olds. I love my job at the head start program. Unfortunately, I quit that because I had enough of the drama with the employees over there and I felt all alone. I want a job working in a daycare/preschool working with the same age group. Thanks for your kind words and advice gogogirl.

  • If you have a bachelors, you probably are also good in math. Maybe I am mistaken, but isn't this this a rather low paying job? You could probably get a MS or MA and be a pre school or K teacher with benefits. At least you found something you liked. As far as quitting because of drama, and having a pattern in the past - it is courageous that you are addressing this. Thank you for your reply. I managed to escape college math- not on purpose but it just worked out that way. If this field privately is low paying- maybe that is part of the drama/anxiety spilling onto the workplace? As for me, hey I do some work but I am still figuring out what I want to do "when I grow up" kind of thing! You know how some people know what they want to do when they are kids- I did not have a vision. Maybe it's immaturity, or procrastination( yes, I did have a career for some years but it was not a great fit) Maybe I had too much "fun." Huh???? I do not like that part of myself. Now, I force myself to do things , and feel like any "fun" has to be earned, and I carry that guilt and hardness over to different parts of my life. I am not a real person.

  • You are most definitely not alone, gogogirl. *Hugs* You have good advice and are very supportive. :-) You are very intelligent and knowledgeable also. I would love to be a preschool teacher. As a matter of fact, I just found out that I have enough credits in education classes to be one! I always wanted to work with children, but unfortunately my career choices said otherwise and yes, you are right; they were low paying jobs working with other employees that were only in these jobs as a last resort, that added to my stress level. Now, I finally definitely know that working with young children is my calling. I just have to work on the issues of keeping the job and not let other employees get to me to the point that I can't take it anymore. You are right though, every job has negative people and drama. It's not too late to do what you want gogogirl.

    I was pretty bummed out today, but your posts lifted my spirits. Thanks for that. It's nice to know that someone can relate and cares :-)

  • That means a lot.

  • Career wise I am still figuring it out, and yes, I do do some work. Thank you for your posts also, and best to you.

  • SMS1961

    Hi.....Job anxiety. Some of our situations are the same. I worked for 23 years at the same company. For some reason I had a nervous breakdown. I guess that's what you call it. They allowed me 6 weeks with pay. My Husband took me immediately to my psychiatrist. They gave me a seductive to stop crying. The weren't any psych beds open in this huge city ..... so I came home and went to bed. What I know for sure is that my job didn't cause my breakdown. We still don't know what caused it but along with it came MDD, Anxiety, already have OCD since childhood, panic attacks and agoraphobia. I don't use the phone either. Okay, where am I going with this? 😄 I think I just want to comfort you by saying that no one at your funeral will talk about your profession. I think you need a good shrink and a good therapy group (while you still have insurance). I learned more about mental illness in group than anywhere. I was sorry to have to stop. Please, whatever you decide to do will be helpful. You will hate it at first, the medicine, and the "label" mental patient. Before long you won't care ....... you will only care about feeling better.

  • Thanks for sharing your experiences with mental health issues and your advice, SMS1961. :-) Thankfully, I have been seeing a great psychiactric since 2015. As far as the therapist goes, I am in search for a better one. I tried group therapy, but it didn't work out. I think it was because we were at different places in our recovery.

  • I think it's great that you found a support group. What type of work do you do? I do not do medicine, but I take some herbs ( 5 htp) and gaba) which seem to help. Also, see a counselor but with work conflicts will be seeing her gain after a month in about two weeks. I understand traumas are 100 per cent responsible for a breakdown of some sort, and sometimes people hold a lot in.

  • I was a new Assistant Project Manager for a large construction company. No I have not done the herb therapy. My ex-husband did ...... part ofte reason he is an ex. He is a very intelligent person and I'm glad they worked for him but herbs are expensive and the more he pushed me, the worse the checkbook (and me) got. I hope they work for you. Please keep me posted. Haven't had a drink for 5 years. Not because I don't want one. Alcohol was killing my liver. It was showing signs of cirrhosis. My husband and I both stopped that day. It's still hard for me when we go home to NO. Everyone starts cocktails at five, wine with dinner and champagne with dessert. Not everyone we know does it that way but my husbands family are very formal and his entire family has been raised that way. I never had a drink until I was 30. Busy having babies. Then met this husband and suddenly my world changes from Drive-through' S to the finest restaurants in NO. I secretly think that the change in lifestyle exacerbated my problems. Keep in touch. XXOX

  • You are definitely in a better place now, Mypoodle1122. :-)

  • The strange thing for me is "where" is my anxiety coming from? I had a great job that paid over the norm. A good reputation at work. If something couldn't be figured out, they always said "take it to Sherri". A wonderful husband and in-laws. No debt. Great house on the water. ....... And I have a nervous breakdown. Like you, uncontrollable crying, guilt merely because it was happening. Anxiety confuses me. I have mental issues in my family (I think I told everyone earlier that my father took his own life). My shrink says that mental illness can be genetic. I understand depression because I usually am. Again why? OCD which is definitely genetic. Both of my grown children have always had it. Panic Attacks I understand - again because I get them - lord knows where the agoraphobia comes from. I would give anything NOT to take all these chemicals. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I went ahead and resigned basically to save face. As far as the pill for this, and a pill for that goes, I can't seem to find an antidepressant that works. Effexor helped the most but my hair started falling out and my liver enzymes shot up. I'm trying Lexapro now. I hope I live through the side affects. They are horrible. Anyone tried combos that worked?

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