Hi. Was diagnosed with depression by the time I was 12. Severe Anxiety has "only" been consistent over past 10-ish years. My spouse has recently informed me that that are done. Despite being / saying supportive, they have reached their threshold. They want HAPPY. "The me they met & fell in love with 15 years ago." It's through the therapy I encouraged for them (had own depression issues) that they have "progressed" and able to talk to me about LOTS of things that are wrong with me, our marriage, basically erasing any good. Of course, these things are coming to light after telling me they are done, ready to leave, planning on leaving.
I'm being challenged to "get happy" , be happy with me...while bags are being mentally packed. This of course has sent my Anxiety through the roof! I've lost 15+ lbs in 10 days. Coming out of my skin soaking, crying - of course tho just all feeds into my spouse's stand.
Believes it may get better, but for how long?
I was off my meds (another big issue), however, it was the shortest time I've strayed from them.
Spouse doesn't understand that this has been a HUGE wake up call. I know without a doubt on my mind, heart, soul..that I can NEVER stop my meds. If I do, I will lose my family. Spouse says I should do it for me, love myself...well, I love my family, I want to be the best version if me, not only for ME, but for them.
Right now, my spouse gave me 48 hours to show them how life CAN be. That we CAN be happy! (no pressure or anxiety inducing deadlines there!) So, shaking hands, stomach ready to revolt AGAIN...I'm setting about doing the physical things in the house, AND I've signed up here.
To top it all off...my spouse has started an emotional relationship with an old flame. Do I'm also competing with something shiny and new and baggage free...
I love myself enough...but my spouse feels that THEY will be the judge of that. I love my spouse and my family. I deserve happiness. WE deserve happiness. Taking care of aging parents full time has put UNBELIEVABLE pressure on our marriage. We are now a "multigenerational" home. Any problems we have...are under a microscope and we have no privacy...but that along with everything else wrong is being laid at my feet.
I've joined this site, showed my spouse, because there are no local support groups. Besides, I don't share my depression and anxiety with ANYONE. My circle of friends is almost nonexistent now...ironically, my best friend...the one who wants to leave.
Getting more shaky and anxious writing this, and have things to"accomplish and prove myself"...
I'm here, I live in fear...and I'm sharing with a larger group!