Caregiver need care

[EBAM2017]

I discovers my own disorders when trying to support 2 of my daughters with their disorders. My youngest have recently being diagnosed with GAD and Major Deppresion Disorder. I found out I have always suffered from ADHD and depression symptoms began to appear. I live in a community (country) with no support systems available. All new ideas and information are of great value to me.

[BonnieSue]

Isn't it interesting how we learn about ourselves through our children? We tend to be moms 1st above all. Looking back, did you experience much rejection due to hyperactivity in the classroom? It's often that ADHD kids have way too much activity to settle down in the classroom to "fit in" with the other kids and the teachers' expectations. And another problem is that an ADHD kid often appears to never make eye contact with the teacher and the teacher assumes the child isn't paying attention and therefore not learning anything. But that turns out to be a false assumption. The child is learning without the expected eye contact.

All of this and so much more can lead to depression. The ADHD child doesn't fit into the "average" child image and can feel isolated and rejected from all of the other kids. Or singled out as a "troubled" child. A disciplinary problem. Or any of several negative roles in the classroom and neighborhood.

ADHD is an impulse disorder above all other things and impulsive behavior is problem behavior. Acting before thinking is a recipe for trouble at any time of life.

Having said all of the above, it isn't any surprise that living with such a challenge in life might bring you some depression is it? You can get discouraged or simply worn out! And if you consider your children's diagnoses it wouldn't be surprising that you have similar diagnoses. These things are hereditary!

If you want to talk more I'm available here. Now that you and your children have identified some of your problems it should be easier to deal with them and compensate for them. That's the good news. I wish all of you a bright, healthy and happy future.

[EBAM2017 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you for your prompt response. I understand a lot of things now. I can justify so many of my own behaviors. At the same time, I am going through a strange period. It is a mix between understanding, acceptance, even a dose of self pity and feeling extremely tired. Major issues are impulsiveness, never being able to set limits, sleeping through a complete night and routine. Routine has been a nightmare for me. The struggle to sit down 3 meals a day was a heroic activity for myself. I always felt that the world was completely crazy for having a routine. Oh, an endless list! I confess I feel proud of myself as well for having the strength to do so many things. I have to learn and teach now...

[BonnieSue in reply to EBAM2017]

Funny, for the most part my kids said they did better with a routine than without. But it was still a struggle. Definitely. And the same holds true as adults. But the fact that 2 out of 3 were on meds for ADHD until high school had something to do with it. And then 1 of them has always needed meds and will always need them his whole life changes things for him...he's one that says he needs structure more than lack of structured days. You, I assume, never were on meds, which makes a huge difference. Meds determined whether my kids could be educated or not. A very simple decision.

[EBAM2017 in reply to BonnieSue]

I can not agree more my kids need the routine, they love it. I am the problem, I am the one struggling to setting it up and following it. I started on medications a few weeks ago and I am noticing the difference already. I need limits, I need space, there is so much to work on. I started to feel tired and sleep better. The down side: I am more aware of my mess and I want to clean it up. I guess that is a new beginning. At the moment I feel lonely because I feel the urge to change. I need to work on patience and structure. Meanwhile my 12 year old will benefit from the structure. She is very demanding and that makes me more tired. Maybe with time my tiredness will dissipate and I will feel positive and smile more often. I try to convince myself that although I did not have treatment at a young age, there is still hope for achieving things I dreamt about. I will see... If you have tips on how you deal with the day to day I will appreciate it.