I'm new to the website. My therapist suggested I find and online community to try to connect with because I feel alone and my friends and family don't understand what I deal with daily. I've also managed to isolate myself and push most people out of my life. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and bi polar for most of my life but with in the past year its been worse and more extreme than before. My family has always be dysfunctional and I've had my share of family drama. I've been more irritable, angry, sad, and feeling lost lately. I'm exhausted from trying to come off "normal" and trying to be a functioning member of society. Some days I don't feel anything at all and that's scary. I self harm as a way to release anger, hurt, etc... and to make me feel something on the days when I have nothing. My family told me they didn't know how much they could take of my mood swings and emotional shutdowns; they said its too hard on them so I agreed to go back to get meds. I use to be able to control everything pretty well with diet, exercise, routine/organization, journaling, etc...but I lost control this time and I can't get myself back to a balanced healthy state. I hate that I hurt the people around me and I have no control over it. I'm disappointed with myself every time I'm not strong enough to control my moods-I'm weak and pathetic. If I could be happy I would. If I could get out of bed and enjoy the things I use to enjoy I would. Telling me to "keep my chin up" or "everyone has bad days" sets me off more so it's better I just avoid people. I don't know what will trigger me some times. But being alone isn't any better some days. It just gives me time to think and worry about everything and it begins all over again. I have so much going right for me; I just want to be able to enjoy it and not sabotage myself. I want to believe I deserve it and I'm worth it instead of feeling miserable everyday. It's a constant battle with myself everyday. I just want it to end.
alone and tired...: I'm new to the... - Anxiety and Depre...
alone and tired...
I totally know how you feel. I am going through the same thing. I've been trying to get my moods back under control, but lately it's just impossible to feel like myself. It's hard to understand for loved ones who don't go through this. People don't realize that just because you look fine on the outside, doesn't mean you are fine.
Do you take medication or see a counselor/therapist? I highly recommend it if not. Talk to your doctor first as always but you don't have to deal with this on your own. There are professional resources out there to help.
Feel free to send me an email if you ever want to vent. You're not alone. We can all get through this together
Thank you for the support and kind words.
I am on meds and seeing a therapist.
I've been through the same patch as yours lately after got fired from my last job and stuck at home. I think the key word to force you to get out of bed firstly is just "don't blame yourself and live your misery at its fullest, don't try to fix or change your mood. Allow yourself to be down."
After that, you'll find a way to struggle your troubles in your own way, I'm sure of it. I know what you've been going through and your post made me cry and felt I'm not alone. Just hang in there.
Take care.
Thank you for the support and listening to me..
Losing a job can be very hard. May I ask your age level? I liked what you had to say about going through your feelings. May I make a suggestion? I too have anxiety /depression but find brightness as well. You are right - it is so important to be authentic. Perhaps when you are ready- you won;t be stuck at home, and you can even volunteer or find other work that will be a better fit. Please feel comfortable to share.
Hi! I'm 30 and losing a job really hasn't helped to decrease my symptoms at all. It feels like I'm having anxiety attacks more deeply and can't help myself to get through my destructive thoughts, most of the time, I'm not even able to leave home. Everything outside; crowd, noises, communicating with others, even breathe properly and heading back home in one piece appears me like impossible issues to achieve. I feel dizzy, a huge pressure around my head, urge to throw out immediately and just like I'm in a real nightmare, can't define if it's reality or I'm just making them up (as I know, I'm not pshycotic; doctors say it's just called depersonalization, is about my level of anxiety).
And physical effects are making it even worse but I know, it's just meant to be. I'm passing through a really tough phase and my brain just doesn't know how to react or handle it. It's just like a crazy, drunk monkey and first (and maybe only) thing to do is calm it down or just let it be as crazy as it want to be. It might be necessary before settle down and clarify my perspective. But really really hard, especially physical effects can be really difficult to take.
I'm trying to get another job now. In fact, I have an interview for tomorrow, hope everything will go well.
For your suggestion request, I can say meditation helps a lot. Know it's a bit harder when you're overwhelmed, anxious and covered by all sort of panic disorder but it still helps. Just don't give it up for at least one month, do it regularly. I strongly recommend that. I'm just the most loosy and laziest person that I've met and if I did that, everybody could 
Thanks for your reply and interest.
Good luck with your job interview. Did you have anxiety like this before you lost your job? It sounds like you are trying to get back on the horse so to speak. You are a young person, and sometimes it is easier to get another job when you are young. Hey, I can be lazy too- I am a prograstinator big time. Let me know how it goes.
Hi again. Think it went well but I'm not so sure. They ll contact me later.
After I lost my job, things s gone crazier, you're right coz there re such a plenty of time to think about and nothing distracting me. But I hope that passage will come to an end soon. What bothers me is "am I gonna live like this forever?" It's like nothing s going on or growing in my life, I'm just stuck into tiny little circle and can't go out of it. that thought really harms and needs to be answered mindfully.
Thanks a lot take care.
I can relate, and have been there. You're right- when there is more time to think - it's like a deep well , and you are also right that the thoughts are what really control negative and positive cognitions. It's hard.
I am sorry you are going through this. Please get some more professional help now if you are harming yourself. You are a worthy person, and deserve to get to the root of the problem, and get the treatment you need.
I like your post. I too am going through some of this as well. I believe age is also a factor. I am an older person, and I think back. The younger one is, the easier change can be - well sometimes at least with the career Pull yourself together- I like the curtain analogy- sometimes people just want to help- so they do not know what else to say. Here's an example- I have university degrees- however when I happened to share that I have a certain type of learning disability- people were stunned!
Well, the uni degrees were received many moons ago- but careers were bumpy. I thank you though. You are right- I think that challenges of being older are in a separate category. I love it when a young person says," You can always do this or that." Really???? You're forty years younger. When I went to school, the word LD was not even on the horizon.Anyway, sorry about your health. I would like to hear from you.
Well, maybe it's partly applicable- but somehow it's not the same. I am available in the pm as well.
I know how you feel. Please get in to see a psychiatrist right away. Meds are a great way to stabilize your mood. I'm going thru a life changing (Hard time) now and my meds are way off, but I'm seeing a psychiatrist and trying to get the meds right. It has taken a year so far to get the right meds but that's because I had a bad psychitrist. I'm changing now and have an appt this morning with a new guy. Just remember that meds take time to start to work so don't give up the hope!! Your life will change if you keep on the right meds. and sometimes they need to be adjusted. So talk to your Psychiatrist to ensure you are at the right levels of meds. Keep in mind that when you start antidepressents, some of them cause suicidal ideations but that goes away. Make a promise to your self & family/friends that you won't do anything to harm yourself. Always know that it will get better!!
I know how annoying it is when people say "just cheer up" or "it's just a bad day", the truth is most people don't understand what happens inside of a mind of a depressed/anxious person. They want you to feel better, but they just don't know how serious the problem is because they've never experienced anything like that themselves. So, I'm not going to say any of these annoying phrases, instead, I will say that you are very welcome to this community and we will try to help you out if we can. We all have similar problems here, we know how you feel. It's good that you're seeing a therapist, let us know how the therapy goes and if the meds are giving you any results.
You are so right- about people possibly not experiencing trauma- or are they also hiding it and we don't always know?
Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement. Reading the posts are helpful, it's an odd comforting feeling knowing I'm not the only one. I just feel hopeless like this is me; this is my life. Managing the ups and downs and never living and enjoying life. I do feeel good some days and I i try to hold on to those moments as long as I can. Thanks again everyone.
That is so good that you have good moments to hang on to. I wanted to say, I have experienced isolation, depression and anxiety, and it can be ongoing. but I also hang on to the good moments as well.
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