After three years of chronic depression, severe anxiety and total anhedonia my emphysema symptoms are getting worse by the day. I do not seek a lot of medical intervention because it's better to die quickly than to prolong life with this sort of disease. The symptoms indicate a closeness to death and I consider that to be the best alternative to living my life. I long lost the ability to experience purpose, joy, comfort, pleasure, drama, love, meaning or depth and find this is the best outcome. Emphysema is uncomfortable but without intervention it can kill quickly. I have chosen that route and have no regrets for smoking all those years. Given the state of the world I consider myself lucky to leave this life sooner instead of later. Smoking tobacco has been the single greatest salve during these empty years.