Judgement or concern?

[Mrsgray27]

Hi, first time posting so I'll give a little back story. (27 married for 5 years 2 kids 5&6)

Suffered with depression from young age and psychosis but after having my kids (2 in 12months at aged 20) I really suffered. I suspect PPP but never got help, was on various medication for 4 years. Breakdown just under 2 years ago. 4 days in mhu. 6 weeks daily home visits. Diagnosed with recurrent depressive disorder. Personally I think bipolar or borderline personality.

I stopped all medication in June as I don't like feeling drugged up and emotionless. Although I hate to admit, I do feel I need meds to keep me stable but the right meds not just the GPS throwing anti-ds at me.

So that said I can admit I've struggled with parenting and do get stressed out. I'm doing a lot better now. I've learnt coping strategies, i recognize triggers, mood slips. Etc. Kids are older as well now.

So anyway my husband and I are planning to relocate from UK to Australia. My husband is going out in march to try to find a job start.( His a welder so will need to do weld tests) and just get a feel for the place.

Its the first time I will have to parent alone.

So my husbands family are now saying they are concerned about my mental health. And its pissed me off. My husband has obviously broached the subject with me and made out they are concerned but I can imagine the kind of comments that have been made. As they are rude and snipy to my face or just ignore me. I hear things all the time. I have pulled back from them.

My husband was not concerned about my ability to look after our children for 8 -12weeks before he told his family yesterday!

I have no family. Just them for "support" and I don't know if its them saying I'm incapable or that they really are concerned that I wouldn't ask for help if I was struggling.

I am a stay at home mum. I home school my 5 year old due to bullying waiting for a place in another school. I do everything for my children and I try so hard. If you didn't know me you would never think I suffer with my brain. I feel like this has been a big hit to my confidence and I feel even less like reaching out to them!

I just feel like I will always be judged and made to feel like an incapable mother. I'm not perfect. I know that. It will be hard I'm fully aware.

Just sick of always being slagged off and then smiles to my face! Always another motive. Like they are all waiting for me to fail.

[kinikia95 ADAA Volunteer]

I don't know the people involved but the best way may be to believe they are just concerned due to your past struggles and not being judgemental. Maybe a little bit of both since judgement is an unfortunate human quality, but hopefully their main objective is concern for the children, which is a good thing. Perhaps since you have to deal with them anyway you could give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that they are concerned.

We all struggle with parenting and get stressed out. Even those without diagnosed mental illnesses. If anyone says they don't, I believe they are not being honest. I have yet to meet the perfect parent. I don't have the answers but we are here to support you. You sound like a very caring involved parent and in the end that's what really matters.

[Marquis784]

Hello again!

I just responded to your recent post and then saw this one. You really do have a lot going on. As suggested it's probably best to accept the support realizing that they most likely have the best intentions. Sometimes my mom says things that are so insensitive that I could cry. I have chosen to reframe it and realize that she really does love me and wants the best but doesn't have the words to express it properly. It can be difficult to not feel like people are judging you.

As you indicated yourself, you did feel better on the medications. That is what is important to keep in mind. During a difficult time, do what works. Now is not the time to make major changes like stopping meds and stuff. I understand the side effects of some of the meds aren't so great but overall they can be more tolerable than these overwhelming feelings.

You have a medical condition that requires treatment and is just as legitimate as high blood pressure or diabetes. You owe no one an explanation for doing what's best for your health.

I advise you contact your physician to get your mood stabilized especially if you have a plan to move soon! You want to ensure your medical care is okay before a journey to another country and their health care system.

Hugs!