I am approaching my 50th birthday and have battled with anxiety and depression all my adult life. My first episode happened when I was 16 and whilst my parents refused to accept it - it was just a phase i was going through they said - my GP advised going out with my friends and enjoying myself. Ffs I could barely get out of bed! Since then my black dog came to visit about once every two years or so but nowadays I am lucky to go 6 months without a visit. I am currently on venlafaxine 3x75mg per day but I am not sure if they are working lately, and it doesn't get any easier to cope as I get older! 😭
Well now I drift through life day by day, like a duck on a lake, seemingly gliding serenely through the water, but underneath those legs are going at a hundred miles an hour. The worst thing is the anxiety and the panic when it hits. Then the days I feel so exhausted I just wanna stay in bed all day. My work keeps me going but it is such a struggle to put on the act of being normal while my mind is racing and my head feels like it is going to explode. There is always a way out I know, and when it comes I am so grateful but then the realisation that it WILL come back is always there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being great, I am currently on a 5 after being a 1 for the last few months. I think I may have SAD as this time of year seems to be my worst for depressive episodes. That damn dog is a tenacious little f*$#@r but he won't win...I hope!! Well I have rambled on too much so time I went away for a spot of shuteye but thanks for reading ..... if you got this far🤗