He came into my life at one its most difficult moments. In early 2017, after two months of what I thought was some kind of bad flu, I had been diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer with a PSA of 463.
I arrived at a local support group one evening, almost shaking with fear. I probably looked like a deer caught in the headlights because I was. After introducing myself, I learned that I wasn’t the only one in the room with such a grim prognosis. There was one other man there who was also diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. He had a whopping 5006 PSA! The group facilitator introduced me to Charles.
Suddenly, for the first time time since my diagnosis I didn’t feel so completely alone. After the meeting was over, he came over and handed me a small note with his email address on it so I could contact him. Below the address was a reminder: PSA 5006. I chuckled when I saw that, feeling a little better that mine was “only” 463.
That was the first of many support groups we would attend together, usually meeting beforehand for lunch or dinner to share whatever was going on with our lives at the time. Many times, those meetings were more valuable to me than the support groups we attended afterward. Sometimes I would come over to his house and spend time with him and his wonderful wife Wanda.
Charles was like an older brother to me, he helped me understand and brought calm into the frightening and uncertain world of advanced prostate cancer treatment. His knowledge helped guide me through some of the treatment decisions I had to make along the way. I learned from him that having stage 4 prostate cancer was not the death sentence that I had thought it was. The success of his treatment provided me with hope and stability as I navigated through my own.
Unfortunately, his body was also attacked by another cancer, stage 4 melanoma. Now he would “have to ride two horses”. I watched as he managed fighting two deadly cancers simultaneously while still maintaining a positive attitude. Not willing to give up, he took some difficult treatments along the way. By that time, Covid had limited the support groups we could attend and Charles’ disease was progressing.
When it was time for Charles to go into hospice, he took that in stride too, realizing it was the best care for him at that time. I continued calling or visiting him and Wanda at his home until his passing.
I miss you now, great friend. I hope you know how much of a difference you made in my life.
I hope it helped you and was a good emotional release. It certainly conveyed how important he was to you. I always tell my loved ones to not hold back when they want to cry. Let it flow.
In my 3.5 years on this site, I have been a reader not a poster. I have rarely had other men on this site befriend me on instant messenger. However, Charles and I did have a continuing conversation. He was warm and sympathetic to me even though it was readily apparent that he was further down the road then I was. He was a good man and I will miss him.
What a great tribute to your friend and fellow PC sufferer. How wonderful that you were able to share your journeys and gain strength from each other. I have to say we also gain valuable knowledge and support from your posts, so thank you. G&J
This is sad news. I looked forward to his well written posts that I found very educational. Thank you for this wonderful tribute. I'm sure he and Wanda appreciated your friendship.
Thanks Gregg. I appreciated his posts as I appreciate this one. A fitting tribute, nicely said. May he rest in peace. We are losing far too many these days.
I’m sorry to hear the sad news about Charles. Thank you for letting us know. I cried as I read your post as it was so heartfelt. Charles was an amazing man. Even with all he was going through I received a few private messages when he was in hospice care. Although my wonderful husband is doing fairly well (undetectable PSA since March, 2021) we both know hospice care will be something he will most likely need sometime in the future. One of the messages Charles wrote to me was what I could do as a loving wife of a fellow PC warrior when the time comes to make things easier. Even in the worst circumstance he took the time to write such a kind and detailed message to me. It’s a message that means so much to me and my husband, Steve (Stevana on this site). My heart breaks for what his wife Wanda must be going through. Please let her know how much Charles meant to us on this site. Saying prayers for her, their family and his friends, like you, who loved him. 🙏💕
Count me in as one of the many people Charles helped. I first met him at a PCRI conference in Los Angeles, when he announced to an advanced metastatic support group that he had a PSA higher than 5000, I thought I must meet this man. We became friends, had several dinners together, I met his wife Wanda, and we corresponded over the years. I knew Charles was failing and in hospice but this still came as a shock. So very sad!
The first person that we wrote mesage to ask experience on Hearthunlokked was Ctarleton. He shared his insights to answer our questions. I sometimes still re-read his messages. I knew he was in hospice but just silently followed his information. Now he is gone, I have no chance to tell him how grateful I am for his encouragement in my father’s battle with PC. My condolences to his family
My deepest heartfelt condolences out to you brother Gregg and Wanda as well. It’s so sad to hear of another brother’s time coming to an end. Charles sounds like he was such a great guy.
gregg57, I wish with all my heart there was something I could say to take away your pain. Take the time you need to mourn his loss. There is no rule book.
0oh Gregg..... it never hurts any less when we lose someone dear to our hearts here but sometimes it hurts more😢. Charles will be very missed. My most sincere sympathy to You, Wanda and all who dearly cared for and loved Charles. A great loss to our family group and a great loss to the world😢😢😢😢.Most sincere,
A lovely remembrance of him, thanks. It brought up all my suppressed memories of all the men in my support groups who have died. In over 10 years of support groups, there have been far too many. I think I will in the future follow your lead and write a few words in tribute to them, hoping there will be very few. It is important not to forget. Thanks.
Wanda told me she wasn't sure if Charles had the chance to tell me he wanted me to write something for this forum. He didn't tell me directly, but I knew.
Thanks Gregg for your sad but heartfelt post. As Charles was your mentor, you now carry on his legacy with your posts here that help others. My sympathies to his family, to you and all his friends here.
You need to pickup the torch that Charles left burning Gregg and move forward like he would have wanted you to. It's your turn. Someone has to attempt to fill his shoes here.
I have to mirror Greggs post as I had the same experiences with Charles. As a neube in 2018 and at my first local support group meeting he quickly reached out to me so I could learn that my 1303 PSA wasn't so bad after all and that instead of not being around for the end of 2018 as predicted by my first oncologist that standing before me was living proof I had a chance at a bit more time.A frightened neube couldn't have asked for more. Learning how to share with a bunch of new friends is the best medicine and Charles was the best advocate about the possibilities available.
What a beautiful Tribute to charles and his legacy. I have lost two fellow warriors not on this forum, that I spent a significant amount of time with. One in a clinical trial, and another in a care facility for radiation. And ironically he lived in the same small town I lived in. Its very difficult gregg, especially when we know our fate will be similar, and to watch them suffer. Although it sounds like he was loved, and to me that means he lives on. Take care.
I concur with all who wrote before me. A wonderful tribute. I followed Charles on here as well since my husband's diagnosis in 2017 stage 4 and PSA 677. He helped so many here- those he messaged and those he helped through his comments and posts. What a loss for his family, friends and this community. But what a blessing he seems to have given so many. His words on this site will continue to help others.
Beautiful tribute to your friend.He seems to have been a blessing to so many.Rare quality only a few have.Prayers for his family and all the men who have lost a fellow warrior.
Gregg sorry to hear of Charles passing. Condolences to his family and friends. I am grateful too know that Charles is wrapped in our lords arms and suffering no more.
Thank you for sharing and condolences for your loss! It's an all too often sobering reminder of how frail our station in life really is, regardless of illness or injury which only compounds these thoughts. Again, so sorry for your loss!
It is sad to read of yet another person's passing. Hope Charles rests in peace now. A lovely tribute from you. Since my husband's diagnosis in the summer of 2020, I have read with sadness of a few passings and have to remind myself that a lot more men are doing well. Difficult to avoid a sense of fear when reading about the suffering of some. Sending you and Charles's family a prayer from me. 🙏
Greg I don't want to sound too mushy but you always rise to the occasion here, come to the plate in your posts and replies. One of the hardest things you had to type out here and you are again so present of mind that you gave us a beautiful insight into who Charles was in person. I truly feel for you at this time to lose him as a friend indeed.
You Gregg I have paid attention to way back when I snuck in here to look around before actually joining. Your PSA somewhat high and like me chemo initially. In short I am a little ways behind you and currently hoping the Zytiga I started 5 months ago has a long run.
Charles of course I latched onto right away and always kept an eye on here and followed him closely he with his 5000 PSA and me with my 1621 PSA.
I am sad as we all are and really now knowing him so well amplifies the sadness.....
I felt this comradery with him that we were fighting the cancer together and this feeling that he was a veteran sucessful fighter against the cancer and that gave me the feeling of safety somehow, even though it was really imagined on my part. I realize now that I kind of "hid behind" Charles from the cancer in a sense. Now that's been stripped away and it makes me feel more vulnerable.
You two were very close. You had a living, breathing, physically present brother there with you and sure enough this makes it that much more difficult to witness his passing. I feel for you. I know that vulnerable feeling from just the brothers and their spouses here when the end comes.I can or maybe can't imagine how strong that feeling would be in your shoes considering your personal relationship with him
I don't remember exactly when I joined malecare here but I started poking around here around May of 2020.
The positive journeys of brothers like Charles and yourself brought me out of the panic that my wife and family would see my end in a matter of a year or so. That a longer survival is very possible.
I still have hope and stay positive for a long journey for myself (and all of us) but at some point in the passing of those I followed since being here I saw correlations and worse yet timelines of the path this can take and it was a realization that put a lump in my throat. I have learned to not let my mind go there (once was enough) but again with your in person relationship with Charles it has to be that much more traumatic.
I hope you have understanding people with you to help you be everything from consoled to distracted. Granddaughter for one thing...right?
I am blessed with an 6 year old granddaughter and a 4 year old grandson.
Again, another star blinks silently into existence in the evening sky, brightly lighting the way for those of us who will follow.
Sincere condolences - each time we lose a member here, or elsewhere in our lives, it is a stark reminder of our fragile limited humanity, and to cherish those we hold dear while they are here.
The only true death is when you are forgotten. This site ensures that will not happen easily.
I hope no one objects to my reprinting a partial post from Charles.
Hospice Notes 12/27/21
I took my first lowest starter dose of Hospice-prescribed Lorazepam, the commonly used anti-anxiety medication that can "take the edge off" of these medical, mental, emotional issues as they may start drifting too close the dysfunctional deep end of the pool.
I hope it all starts working out better soon. The sadness, suffering, minor setbacks in the interactions are difficult. I feel bad. It gets so crazy, and it's no fun feeling like I'm collecting the assorted rags and other costuming bits to put together a full Ogre costume one of these unsuspected weekday evenings.
Charles
What a nice man. I once had the opportunity to speak with Charles. We both shared the same maladies, Pca and Melanoma. May he finally rest in peace and end the suffering which he had to endure fighting the devil. He is with the angels and watching his loving wife and all the members of his family and his friends. He undoubtedly read all of the moving tributes to him from our members, especially from his wonderful friend gregg57. So sad.
You both sound like great friends who supported each other thru trying times. Nothing better than that. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you the best in your fight going forward.
Two things about Charles - He had the same last name as my professor of military science when I was a cadet, and everytime I read something from him, or corresponded with him, I always thought to myself, wow, that guy is really smart and well spoken. I'm glad that his life was in such a place that he could take his demise with grace and composure, but it's still upsetting to hear of his loss. What bothers me most on this site is when someone seems to be doing pretty well, with a low psa, and then they go downhill quickly for a couple of years. I suppose that some people go faster and some go slower. Sad when we lose someone quickly 😔
Your post sums his life up. He was someone that unselfishly helped others with the knowledge he gained from his own experience and his emotional support despite his own illness.
It isn't often that we meet people in this life who will unselfishly help others when they have their own challenges.
What a wonderful tribute to your great friend. How wonderful to be able to know this man so personally. I'm so sorry for your loss and appreciate you taking the time to write this. Sending hugs and wishing you comfort.
Gregg - I went through public school with Charles in Midwest City, Oklahoma. He was always an intelligent, solid citizen type guy. I hade many classes with him. I am sorry for your loss.
I manage a administer a website for our graduation class of 1966. I try to post as many obituaries of our classmates as possible on this site. I have not found one for Charles so I have taken the liberty to post the message you have here. It is a wonderful and well written tribute. Thank you for being his friend.
By the way, his younger brother Paul passed away just a week ago. Paul was a top drawer person as well.
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