Sense to knocking...

[Jvaughan0]

“There might be some sense to your knocking,” the Footman went on, without attending to her, “if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were *inside,* you might knock and I could let you out, you know.” - Lewis Caroll

I think medical professionals are Footmen; and I am a confused Alice, wondering why my knowledge of prostate cancer can be so Gogglianly broad while remaining mudpuddling shallow. Last week I began my third round with prostate cancer beginnng in 2014. I gave up the gland, radiated its ghost; and still, thanks to G9, I am looking at four PSMA avid nodes shining bright-- three on the right side and one on the left. I don't know what I was expecting my MO to say this week, but what he offered with a six month Lupron injection and a consultation with a RO. I was full of questions smeared with words I can't pronounce and treatment possibilities I dimly understand. That masked man showed up an hour behind schedule giving me an understandable look-- you be the patient and I will be the specialist. "...but what about ADT add-ons, PSA flare, shorter dose Lupron, SIB, number of radiation treatments, coordination of services, living arrangements, other medical conditions unearthed by PET/CT ..." There are syntactic limits to questions when the listener's area of expertise has a sound, but mysterious celibral higher ground empowered by a conservative, sharply focused leverage. The accepted asked and answered reply of "see you in six months" and the masked man trailed by his student observer vanished, replaced by another masked man "Ok... which hip"... as a red scanning laser acknowledged my existence. At least, no "hurt like hell" lump of eligard this time; "that is why we don't use it. Ice it and it should be fine." The day after, I am sitting on a cold hip that hurts like hell, waiting for male hormones to drain from me and for the cancer (still hard to say cancer) to go to sleep. The specialist, who I do respect, did say six months. Six months to address all those unanswered questions, six months of life, six months to seek answers, find a deeper faith and hope there are other six months to keep knocking on the door.

[Lyubov]

Wishing you the very best outcome!

[Jvaughan0 in reply to Lyubov]

That wish flows back to you.

[greatjohn]

Prostate cancer is definitely a journey....with lots of twists and turns and difficult mountains to cross. Wishing you luck on the journey...we both started in 2014. I'm at a really rough spot...and don't know "nuttin'"Since we're quoting...I'll quote Miss Emily..."because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me"

gJohn

[Jvaughan0 in reply to greatjohn]

Emily may have never meant for that poem to be published. It was printed after her death. Some think it even may have been unfinished. Still it lives on. Every time you post here, you guide me more than you will ever know.

[Schwah in reply to greatjohn]

What did you decide to do John on dr Onik’s plan? Still contemplating. Tough choices. Sorry Brutha…

Schwah

[greatjohn in reply to Schwah]

I’m arranging to meet in person and decide. It’s a tough decision.

[Lyubov in reply to greatjohn]

You help me deal with what my long-suffering husband is going through.

[Hidden]

That's really, really good prose. Good luck in six months. Hopefully pelvic radiation can solve it or at least give you a decent shot.

[Jvaughan0 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks

[larry_dammit]

Don’t believe the 6 months there warrior, the human body is a wonderful machine. No one knows when our last hand of cards will be dealt. Never give up 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[Jvaughan0 in reply to larry_dammit]

Unfortunately, dealing with providers, hospitals and insurance companies aren't so wonderful. Outward empathy can be suppressed along with the disease and replaced with a seeming indifference. Glowing personalities don't indicate the level of treatment or care, but individual mental health does require a degree of wholistic acknowledgement. I don't see myself as a warrior or a victim-- just someone playing the hand that was dealt. It is so easy to timestamp and fixate on percentages with this disease. Neither are productive in my mind. We all run for our lives often at the same time we run from our lives.

[Hidden in reply to Jvaughan0]

Head for the exits! 😂😂👏🏼👏🏼 I relate to everything you say . Over 6 yrs in .

[Jvaughan0 in reply to Hidden]

You have to return to your seat. This drama has many acts. That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. --Whitman.

[Hidden in reply to Jvaughan0]

Thanks JvaughanO! I m strapped in ahead of the falls. Keep rowing 🚣‍♂️

[MateoBeach]

The specialist explained: ’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!”

[Jvaughan0 in reply to MateoBeach]

Carroll would smile, but a specialist might scratch his/her head.

[Hidden in reply to Jvaughan0]

🧐

[Hidden in reply to MateoBeach]

“ Mimsy”? I googled it? Vagina? “ frumias” ? Dam you’re good. I’m getting a higher education now. Bandersnatch 😂😂👏🏼👏🏼

[j-o-h-n]

Can't write prose

or snort white powder up my nose

and still waiting to find the answer

on how to cure our fucking cancer.

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Wednesday 10/06/2021 1:07 PM DST

[Hidden in reply to j-o-h-n]

You are a poet

and don't know it.

[TFBUNDY]

Nicely put...