Whiteboards, post-its, timers, oh my - what is your bridge to change from unstructured to structured time with an adult diagnosis?

[43creatures]

Hello community - I have been just winging it for many decades of adulthood and just making sure the important things got handled, and of course the exciting things, writing what I needed to get done on a scrap of paper, but now I'd like to keep my room clean and have time/energy for creative endeavours. That is going to take more planning and organization to get more out of my day, no problem. Now I have made my first system to manage my day and my projects, making sure its modular and will allow me to start slow and scale up, and I even changed my morning routine successfully for a couple weeks now, yay! For the most part though, I just stare at my whiteboard and behaviour remains unchanged. This isn't unexpected, after a lifetime of similar failed plans I gave up decades ago, embraced the chaos, and found just winging it worked pretty OK and I could just live with my piles. With this later in life diagnosis I'm very game to give it another shot working with better tools to get more out of the life I want - I just ordered a timer! With decades of unstructured time after work - and work always involving an obligation to others and the repercussion of income, I don't have much training on how to trick my brain into doing things at home that are pre-cursers to gratification and not gratifying themselves. I've also never voluntarily requested more accountability in my life and that sounds scary, and I'm trying to move away from using stress and anxiety as motivators. I don't expect there's magic to it, everyone is different, and it's mostly perspiration, but I'm curious what tools or rituals other people do to bridge that divide over and over again, everyday (or mostly everyday).

[PinkPanda23]

Welcome! 67 here, diagnosed at 54, unable to tolerate 9 ADHD meds tried so far. You've really described my situation in the best words! I was always "high-functioning" by doing well in school and later at work, but my personal life was a mess. Deadline driven, connection to a survival paycheck, always taking double the energy and effort to produce enough to look "analytical and organized, with great customer service skills" in the workplace, but unfocused, unmotivated, anxious and depressed at home because I couldn't seem to meet "normal" standards. Why couldn't I do at home what I did at work and school? Because I used it all up there trying to fit my square self into the outside world round hole.

I recognize your enthusiasm. We are nothing if not hopeful, curious, willing to to try new things. I find that true change that becomes my new normal is difficult over any long term. The key, for me, is to devise things that play to my dopamine hits. For example, I get a little thrill every time I get ready to leave the house and realize I can actually leave because my keys are where they belong, securely clipped to my purse. I know I will have gas in my car because I've learned to fill up when it gets below half full, every time. I know my bills will be paid on time because I set up auto-pay for everything possible. I play games with myself, challenging myself to see if I can get X done in 15 minutes since I did it last time in 20 minutes. Those artificial successes/wins give me dopamine hits that motivate me to go for more. Critical here: I compete with MYSELF. It does not work for me to mentally compare myself to others, so I try not to go there. I push myself to my own improvements. It feels good, I do a little more. It feels bad, I stop that tactic.

I'm interested to hear what the others will tell you. There are mad clever folks here that will be very helpful, and most of all, kind, in their dealings with each other. Good luck!

[43creatures in reply to PinkPanda23]

Ive been considering getting some workbooks and tools made for kids, since I'm basically having to do the parenting for an ADHD kid I never got from my parents/school. How knew this is how I would spend my early 50s - lol.

[PinkPanda23 in reply to 43creatures]

I mentioned this to my therapist, who said to go for it because it could help and certainly won't hurt. Let me know if you find any you like.

[NotAChevy]

hey! I’ve added over 20 posts now on what’s worked for me. Pls check them out and let me know if they help.

[TorMaleADHD]

Hi, I can relate. Also diagnosed in my 50's. I have tried so many different methods of keeping track of my to do lists - and I mean everything. I'm good at organizing and making lists. I'm just not good at "starting" the task. I struggle to get motivated to start. I have great intentions, but then decide to do something else. Then, when I piss everyone off because I haven't completed my tasks, I feel horrible. Creating more anxiety and stress in my life - I don't get it. By not starting the task, I make the situation worse. I just don't understand it.

So, I can relate to your challenges. I've signed up for (virtual) ADHD Coaching through an organization called possibilitiesclinic.com. Hopefully I'll have some positive feedback to share in a couple months.