I've had ADHD most of my life and known it... but when I was younger (still in school) I felt like it was more under control. Mostly because I had other responsible people in my life imposing structure on me, supporting me, and making sure I didn't mess up too badly.
Now I'm 30, and I've discovered a passion for education. It runs in my family- my mom, grandmother, and honorary uncle were all teachers. I've been long term subbing and I'm hitting what might be my biggest road bump-- I'm getting overwhelmed constantly by all the sensory input in an elementary classroom.
I've caught myself with my hands flying up to cover my ears a few times, and it's just not a good look. Then there's the emotional cost of dealing with these kids. I love them and I love teaching them, but I wish there was a volume button or that they had more chill. They're second graders and a lot of them have big personalities and emotional needs, and everything happens so much with them.
I want to be a great teacher for them, but lately I've felt so run down and have had panic attacks a couple of times, that I wonder if I can actually manage or if I will burn out before I find my feet and learn the tricks one only learns through experience. I don't know what I would do in that case. I want this badly.
Is anyone around here in a big, overwhelming job like teaching or nursing anything like that? If so, do you have advice? I'm struggling a lot with the whole adulting thing.
Sounds like you are going to need therapy and/or a coach to help you adjust to this situation.
Can you afford therapy, even sensory therapy? Really to survive on a high-pressure job that requires us to endure all kinds of pain and distraction---that takes intense guidance of a professional.
Now you might look around and see if there are any grades (maybe slightly older) with kids who aren't as loud as the grade you're working with. Very practical.
I'm on my state health insurance (they really don't pay educators anything, at least not until I get appointed properly) but yeah, I might want to go for older like 4th or 5th grade. Stuck in 2nd for the last month and a half and will be there for another month minimum.
I do get equine therapy and talk therapy. We're brainstorming strategies to help me deal with the overload. I'm really more afraid of getting burnt out... And jealous that I can't put on the sensory headphones that we have in the classroom for the kids, because I have them at home for the same reason.
My therapist (the one that's not a horse lol) says I need to work on forgiving myself for my limitations and asking for help before I get to the point of a panic attack.
But it's hard- if I get frenzied enough I kind of forget that the option to get help exists. Even if I'm having an attack at home, they go on longer than they should unless Im able to remember that I have Klonopin for this reason.
Thank you for responding, sorry if I ramble.
My therapist (the one that's not a horse lol) says I need to work on forgiving myself for my limitations and asking for help before I get to the point of a panic attack.
But it's hard- if I get frenzied enough I kind of forget that the option to get help exists. Even if I'm having an attack at home, they go on longer than they should unless Im able to remember that I have Klonopin for this reason.
I get you here! In the moment, my body fires up and my brain falls apart and runs away. No clear thinking once my panic is activated. But I have gotten better at this. What I find hard is that in the moment I have to talk to myself in a kind way even though my body and brain are screaming "No, this panic is for real. You're in trouble. You EFFED up! And you can't do anything about it. You're stuck."
The hard part is ignoring those sentences and starting on some good self-talk. When I do that, the body gradually quiets down. But hang in there!