Introductions

[DruidHeart]

Hello folks. My name is Melanie. I can't say what a relief it is to have found a community for this after feeling so alone and misunderstood for as long as I have. Before I get too ahead of myself though, I'll start with some background info.

I was recently officially diagnosed (at 33) with ADD Inattentive, but I strongly suspected that I had it for some time before that, in part because my mother and multiple of my siblings have it in one form or another as well. I'm my mom's only girl, so I suppose that mine went undiagnosed because it presented so differently from my brothers, as seems to be common in women (and people assigned female at birth). That it presents differently was probably also part of what kept me from being able to see it in myself for so long.

I've felt...different and 'not quite right' for all of my adulthood. I experienced difficulties in workplaces that others seemed to handle with ease that I envied but didn't understand, have gotten angry in situations others were able to brush off, felt bothered by tedium and monotony far more quickly and strongly than others in ways that left me feeling inadequate. More often than not, attempting to explain how I felt and what I experienced was met with accusations of being lazy, undisciplined, needing to try harder, or (we all love this one) that everyone experiences these feelings so why was it so hard for me to handle them when everyone else could? It wasn't always said aloud, but it was always the feeling I was left with, as well as shame and some upset at not feeling understood. Despite that though, I somehow convinced myself that perhaps I didn't have a problem that I needed help with. I felt so capable outside of the difficulties I faced, functional even if it wasn't at the same level as other people. It didn't help either that I've lead a reactive life rather than a pro-active one and have had partners that were far less functional than I was in very different ways. It wasn't until I came to a point that I could start to live pro-actively (the last 5-ish years) but wasn't able to that I began to see that maybe I did need help. That despite how capable I felt, I couldn't manage myself and my symptoms through sheer force of will, because it wasn't working. It hadn't been working. I started looking into ADHD since I knew my brothers had it, into how it can present differently based on type and gender, and finally started to see that it was very likely that I did in fact have it too. I wasn't upset to find out, but relieved. That answer alone wasn't enough though. I thought it might be, that since I knew that I'd somehow be able to manage myself better on my own, but it didn't work. I got on Medicaid insurance in September this year, got lucky and was paired with a therapist relatively quickly, was able to get a diagnosis, and started Strattera in early October. I'm still feeling out how it will affect me long-term, but so far I've felt far closer to what I suspect neurotypical is like. It's easier to focus, to hold information in my mind and remember things, my thoughts come more cohesively and less jumbled, I'm not as prone to anger (though I do still have trouble with it.) Every journey begins somewhere, right?

That was more than I initially intended, but hey, thanks for reading my novella 😅 I'm glad to be here and I look forward to learning with/from you all as well as doing what I can to help in turn.

[MaudQ]

Welcome!!

[DruidHeart in reply to MaudQ]

Thank you ^ ^ I'm glad to be here.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the community, Melanie! We're glad to have you join!

I'm glad that you were able to finally get a diagnosis and start treatment for your ADHD.

(No worries about the length of your introduction. You had a lot that you needed to say! Many of us here, myself included, get a bit long-winded.)

I also have Inattentive ADHD and am on Strattera (generic) for it. It sounds like your experience with this particular medication is about as helpful as my own. (It doesn't work as well for all people with ADHD, but it's been life-changing for me!)

[DruidHeart in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thank you, and I'm glad to be here. Getting my diagnosis and starting treatment came so much later than I'd have liked, but I was glad to have it and be able to move forward on a better trajectory. I try not to dwell on things I can't change and, even if it doesn't feel like it, I'm still young enough to achieve a better future for myself.

Yes, I feel like my medication has really helped so far and it's such a relief. I'm glad that it works well for you too! =] I know I still have a way to go, habits to (re)form, etc., but it's a start and a nice change. My partner hasn't noticed improvement like I have, but we have different perspectives and he doesn't share my experience so I can't expect him to in the same ways or in the same time.

[STEM_Dad in reply to DruidHeart]

I'm glad the meds are working.

I was still married when I got diagnosed. Prior to my diagnosis, when my wife saw that I was researching adult ADHD, she laughed and said authoritatively, "You don't have ADHD?"

I got diagnosed soon after, and a second opinion confirming it the very next week. (Two professionals saying that I definitely have ADHD, vs. my wife who frequently pointed out my forgetfulness and distractibility didn't think it was possible. She finally acknowledged it about a year later, shortly before she filed for divorce; her reason for leaving had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.)

It can take time for others to see the change in you. It's so much easier to see the change from the inside.

I know that one of the first things that improved for me was that the perpetual brain fog I lived with daily totally went away. It took only a few days, after I was on the right meds. That's not something that other people could see, but it was what I had experienced all the time as long as I could remember. Eventually, other people started to see that I was less forgetful and more attentive. (Mainly, it was just my kids and the one work friend that I worked with the most after my diagnosis that really noticed.)

[DruidHeart in reply to STEM_Dad]

I'm sorry that your (former) wife reacted that way =/ Sadly it isn't uncommon. Even before I was diagnosed, I remember hearing a couple of people say that ADHD didn't exist in adults and being offended by it. Partially, perhaps, because I feared that if that were true, then it was true that all the struggle I faced really was my fault and that I was due to being undisciplined, lazy, etc.

My brain fog disappearing was one of the first things to change for me as well. It happened so quickly that I was concerned it was just a placebo effect. I had realized before medication that I frequently felt foggy, disconnected, and spacey, but not the extent of it. Almost all of the most difficult to handle symptoms I felt went away or were far more easily manageable than before and it's been such a relief. I just hope that it happened in time and I'm able to improve quickly enough to save my relationship with my fiance.

[STEM_Dad in reply to DruidHeart]

I hope for the best for you, and that your fiance comes around.

While I was focused on being married to her the rest of our lives, and that my parents and grandparents modeled s to stability. I know that my ex-wife came from a family of origin in which relationship problems were the rule, rather than the exception. (Lots of breakups and divorces, infidelity, not to mention all the substance use, and the worst part was the abuse that stemmed from all of that. There's a reason she doesn't talk to her family very much.)

So, in retrospect, I should have been mentally prepared for the possibility of divorce someday.

...

She doesn't disbelieve in adult ADHD. I think that she was of the mindset that because I don't have any Hyperactive-Impulsive traits, then there's no way that I have ADHD.

(Just like how she always insisted that our eldest daughter couldn't possibly have ADHD, because she only had hyperactivity as a kid, but never had attention issues. But our daughter told me last year that her doctor said that she might have ADHD. He was only looking at her medical history, and realized that she's very impulsive, which is why she's so injury prone.)

If people aren't open to learning about ADHD, how it has different presentations and variations in severity, then they won't likely be open to accepting it.

.....

I'm 98% certain that my eldest daughter has the Hyperactive-Impulsive presentation. I'm 100% certain that my older son has the Inattentive presentation, because he's just like me in traits and severity; his fiancee, who has both ADHD and autistic diagnoses since childhood, is also sure he has ADHD. (The older kids are 30 and 21, so it's on them to get an evaluation.)

It's my younger kids (11 year old son and almost-9 year old daughter) whom I'm more concerned about.

I've seen both Hyperactive-Impulsive and Inattentive traits in my son (more of the former than the latter), but his most telling traits are his emotional dysregulation. (His mom says "he's just sensitive". Well, my parents told everyone when I was young that I was "sensitive"...and I have ADHD.)

My youngest daughter seems to have Inattentive traits, which mostly show up in her losing interest in one thing and moving on to something else, but forgetting to clean up the first thing. (Her distraction and forgetfulness definitely remind me of myself at that age.)

Their mom didn't tell me when their teacher conferences are. (They're today.) And she seemed to get a little irritated when I said that I wished that I could be there. (But I'm still without a car.) Either its for the reason that she says (that the meetings are basically pointless, that the teachers will just tell her what she already knows), or I suspect she thinks that I'll bring up my suspicion that the kids have ADHD.

(I haven't actually told her my suspicions, but my kids know that I have ADHD, and they notice that they have some of the same issues with attention. THEY bring it up, not ME.)

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

The kids are in their first year of public school, after being homeschooled for years. The reports I hear are that they are doing extremely well. My concern is that it will not stay that way, maybe when they get used to school and it's not so interesting anymore, or when they hit junior high.

[NorthWildling]

Welcome!

[DruidHeart in reply to NorthWildling]

Thank you! ^ ^

[Mamamichl]

Thank you for your post. I could have written this myself. I didn’t find the first medication helpful, so I was never able to take it consistently and just moved to a new insurance so starting over. I applaud you in your efforts and progress.

[DruidHeart in reply to Mamamichl]

It seems that a lot of us share similar experiences despite the differences in details, but it's both of those things that allow us to connect and grow with and from each other. It feels good to not feel quite so alone anymore. The medication journey can be a rough one. It's unfortunate that the first one that you tried didn't work, but I hope that you continue trying to find one that does. Don't get discouraged 💚 And thank you for your support =]

[Fayerweather]

Welcome! So glad your diagnosis and medication have been smooth so far. I'm also on Strattera and really love it. Very few side effects, and I find concentrating easier, and my anxiety has lessened up a lot. Hope it continues to help you!

[DruidHeart in reply to Fayerweather]

Thank you ^ ^ I feel lucky that the first medication I was put on has done well for me. As long as I eat with it, it doesn't make me nauseous or shaky. Only made that mistake once, lol. I've noticed those same changes, as well as being able to hold information better, think more cohesively, and I don't get distracted quite as easily. When I do, I can snap out of it more easily and quickly than before. Such relief. I hope it continues to help you as well!

[curlydachshunds]

Straterra only made me vomit but I learned years later that I was taking it in the morning when it should be taken at night.

[DruidHeart in reply to curlydachshunds]

Ah, that's an unfortunate experience to have with any medication =/ If I don't eat with it I'll get really nauseous and shaky. Have you found another one that works better for you?