Hello folks. My name is Melanie. I can't say what a relief it is to have found a community for this after feeling so alone and misunderstood for as long as I have. Before I get too ahead of myself though, I'll start with some background info.
I was recently officially diagnosed (at 33) with ADD Inattentive, but I strongly suspected that I had it for some time before that, in part because my mother and multiple of my siblings have it in one form or another as well. I'm my mom's only girl, so I suppose that mine went undiagnosed because it presented so differently from my brothers, as seems to be common in women (and people assigned female at birth). That it presents differently was probably also part of what kept me from being able to see it in myself for so long.
I've felt...different and 'not quite right' for all of my adulthood. I experienced difficulties in workplaces that others seemed to handle with ease that I envied but didn't understand, have gotten angry in situations others were able to brush off, felt bothered by tedium and monotony far more quickly and strongly than others in ways that left me feeling inadequate. More often than not, attempting to explain how I felt and what I experienced was met with accusations of being lazy, undisciplined, needing to try harder, or (we all love this one) that everyone experiences these feelings so why was it so hard for me to handle them when everyone else could? It wasn't always said aloud, but it was always the feeling I was left with, as well as shame and some upset at not feeling understood. Despite that though, I somehow convinced myself that perhaps I didn't have a problem that I needed help with. I felt so capable outside of the difficulties I faced, functional even if it wasn't at the same level as other people. It didn't help either that I've lead a reactive life rather than a pro-active one and have had partners that were far less functional than I was in very different ways. It wasn't until I came to a point that I could start to live pro-actively (the last 5-ish years) but wasn't able to that I began to see that maybe I did need help. That despite how capable I felt, I couldn't manage myself and my symptoms through sheer force of will, because it wasn't working. It hadn't been working. I started looking into ADHD since I knew my brothers had it, into how it can present differently based on type and gender, and finally started to see that it was very likely that I did in fact have it too. I wasn't upset to find out, but relieved. That answer alone wasn't enough though. I thought it might be, that since I knew that I'd somehow be able to manage myself better on my own, but it didn't work. I got on Medicaid insurance in September this year, got lucky and was paired with a therapist relatively quickly, was able to get a diagnosis, and started Strattera in early October. I'm still feeling out how it will affect me long-term, but so far I've felt far closer to what I suspect neurotypical is like. It's easier to focus, to hold information in my mind and remember things, my thoughts come more cohesively and less jumbled, I'm not as prone to anger (though I do still have trouble with it.) Every journey begins somewhere, right?
That was more than I initially intended, but hey, thanks for reading my novella 😅 I'm glad to be here and I look forward to learning with/from you all as well as doing what I can to help in turn.
Extreme difficulty getting started after waking up
Newly diagnosed, scared, need encouragement
Brain Fog
