Hey All,
The stages of finding out about our ADHD can be one heck of a journey.
I'm 27 years of age so I still have to undergo this journey and it is just the start. But I thought to kinda summarize the stages based on my armature opinion and life circumstances.
Stage 1: Totally unaware that we have an issue. Going through life with rock bottom self-esteem, self-loathing and blaming. Believing the judgements and the opinions of others about ourselves such as being lazy, careless, clumsy, slow, unmotivated. There may also be a bit of trauma at this stage, people with ADHD are far likely to get impacted by traumatic events than others. Also keeping in mind that we have twice as many negative thoughts than others so it is not surprising that people with ADHD may have some past trauma (complex or acute). Years of self-loathing and the negative messages makes us view ourselves as failures. This is also the stage when one gets addicted to various things as a way to release all the internal stress and medicate feelings of worthlessness.
Stage 2: We become aware that there is 'something' holding us back but don't have the experience or self-awareness or the help of others to point us in the right direction. This stage may even last for years as one begins this journey of self-development, becoming a self-help junkie, reading all the books out there etc. in hope of getting rid of their addiction, reducing their social anxiety or just books to make one feel confident in hope that it has the magic 'pill' to help us live a great life and move forward. But there are a lot of difficulties in this stages, falling down from time to time, changing books, courses, mentors, therapists etc. Always having this hope that something will help 'one day'.
Stage 3: The big discovery that maybe it is 'ADHD' and this neurological disorder that needs attention. This stage is filled with shock when one gets diagnosed officially by a psychiatrist or even told by a psychologist. There is anger, resentment, frustration and just that feeling of shock. Knowing that our whole lives we had been living with this and none of it was our fault. One starts to look back at all the negative comments others have made towards them and the negative opinion they have held about themselves. Everything starts to make sense and it can be a very difficult stage considering all the complex emotions that come up. I struggled in this stage a lot.
Stage 4: Treatment - this stage is all about looking forward and doing something about our situation. It can involve medication, therapy, coaching or a combination of everything. This stage can also be frustrating finding the right treatment, coming across medication which produce horrible side effects, reverting to natural remedies (exercise, supplements), then changing minds and considering medication. It can be very confusing to know what exactly works for us and our expectations. This stage can take a long time involving hours of research of the right medication, 'titrating', frequently visiting psychiatrist and discussing the options. Not to mention how costly it can be at times and also dealing with all the backlash when friends/family/partner don't support you.
Stage 5: I don't know if I am even at this stage yet but it's about moving forward. Yes our ADHD is a thing but it shouldn't be our sole identity we are so much more. This stage I truly believe is about accepting ourselves for who we are. Acknowledging that whatever happened was meant to happen and we couldn't of done any better. It is about looking forward to the future and living the life that we always wanted to. Being true to our values and principles. Healing all our past emotional wounds with this new self-awareness, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones and building our self-esteem. One cannot reach this stage if they don't go through the previous ones. So every stage in this journey is so worth it.
What is worse then living life blaming ourselves for everything not knowing that our ADHD contributed big time and that we are not lazy or unmotivated people. This journey of diagnosis is such a big blessing. It helps us move forward.
Recently diagnosed with ADHD at 35
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