I feel like a terrible parent, need your opinion.

[MrsKlco]

Hello,

I have two sons, 8 and 10. They are great, most of the time--just being honest!! Anyway, when I was laid off for Covid I dove into projects that my hubby and I have needed and wanted done for a long time. I am the visionary, mastermind, and fix-it-person in our house. I'm, serious! If it was up to my hubby we'd still have shag carpet, wall board everywhere, and green/brown countertops. Goodness don't make me describe the rest....ugg.

To my question, when off work, I bought paint to paint our 1970's stone up half way arround the house with ceader planks on top that were painted DARRRK BROWN!! house exterior. It took me, with a little help form others, two weeks to paint the outside. It looks terrific. But then I heard my 10y/o telling his friend that I don't even talk to him or make him lunches because I am so FIXATED on my project. Heck most time, when I'm "in the zone", I forget to go to the bathroom or eat. BTW I honestly lost 20lbs!! nice diet plan? ummm no So I feel terrible because I was in the middle of remodeling my camper. Because if you thought my son's comment stopped me, you'd be wrong.

Am I a terrible Mom? If my hubby is working on things the kids are with him and they never leave his side. With me they come and go and I don't pressure them to stay if they don't want to. My camper looks amazing and the floor is not sagging and stinking any more.

I love how my mind works, I am who I am...my kids will survive right?

Thank you,

Renee

[26gladys]

No, you’re not a horrible mom! With adhd, sometimes, we get so fixated with a project, that we forget about everything else. I personally, will get stuck doing something all day that I’ll forget to eat or Get other tasks done. Maybe, set a timer so you can monitor how much you’re spending on your projects.

[MrsKlco in reply to 26gladys]

I appreciate that... thank you. I'll keep that in mind for my next project. So many to do weee!!

[quiteasmile]

I know how it feels to get into the mode and not want to stop. However, for the sake of your young children, I would set a timer (Alexa has been a godsend) that signals time to make lunch WITH your kids and all sit down to talk while enjoying your meal. This way everyone can get some of your attention, your kids get a meal, and then you can go back to your project guilt free!

[iWasSunshine]

Hi MrsKlco,

It doesn't sound to me like you're a bad parent - I'm sure all of us felt like we didn't get enough attention from our parents when we were growing up, but I think that's because, on some level, kids are really selfish haha

On the other hand, it's really important to give our children quality time even if we have to purposefully plan it. I have been so wrapped up in trying to figure out treatment for my ADHD (I was recently diagnosed, so this is a BIG deal) that I haven't been giving my oldest daughter the quality time she needs and she told me today that she really wanted to spend more time doing fun things together.

So, I made a point to ask her what she wanted to do and then just DO IT! I have a tendency to "change her mind" so that we do something that I'd like to do rather than doing what she wants (definitely working on that!) which cheapens the quality of the time.

Quiteasmile had a great idea to make lunch time your time with your kids, that way the relationships are nourished as well as the bodies! (That way you have more energy for your projects because you're not skipping lunch and the kiddos leave the table feeling loved and satisfied.)

So, all that to say, your kids love you and spending time with them is time well spent

(Cool projects, btw!! I admire your ability to take on big projects and get them done!)

[MrsKlco]

Thank you very much for the support, ideas and empathy. Please keep in touch