Should I tell my family about my ADHD?

[Salah_09]

Hey All,

Only one of my elder sibling knows about my ADHD and the rest of the family don't.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD officially and even prescribed the medication although haven't bought it.

I was asking how to bring this up to your loved ones? There is so much stigma especially in our family with regards to mental health. How has your experience been?

[Gettingittogether]

So how old are you?

I was in my 40s when I got diagnosed and I told two of my brothers. One immediately got diagnosed himself. Another (with the most severe case) couldn't get himself together enough to get diagnosed.

One way to go about this is to do it without thinking. In other words, instead of thinking and calculating and hoping, just go about your life and one day you may feel like telling them.

Now let's be blunt: families often (maybe usually!) totally disappoint when people disclose. Are you ready for that kind of rejection of your condition? And let's be blunt again: is yours the kind of family that is going to go out of its way to really stretch themselves and try to comfort you and respond to you about this condition? ... and show curiosity? For most families, the answer is "no."

So if there is no upside of telling them, why tell them? Has anyone ever discussed ADHD or suggested that they had some ADHD traits?

[Salah_09 in reply to Gettingittogether]

I'm 26 years old and yes in my family accept for some of my siblings there is no concept of mental health and would be kinda awkward. The only concern I had is using medication and not informing them cos I am living with them atm.

[Oldgrumponabike in reply to Salah_09]

What meds you use are nobody's business. If you are taking amphetamine you should keep them secure anyway.

[STEM_Dad]

It really depends on your family and what your relationship is like with them.

You can expect that there would be some misunderstanding.

-----

Here's how it went for me, when I got diagnosed at 45:

*My wife was not very accepting of my diagnosis while we were still married. Now that we are divorced, she accepts my diagnosis. (I see ADHD traits in all 4 of our kids, but I think she would fight me on getting them assessed. The older 2 kids are adults, so it's really up to them. She homeschools the younger 2.)

* My parents and kids are accepting of my diagnosis.

* My brother's accept my diagnosis, but were awkward at first.

-----

By how you described your family's stigma of mental health issues, it may not be easy to bring up, and it may be even harder for them to accept.

Perhaps broach the subject but talking about your struggles, and how persistent they have been for you. If you're taking medication and you're experiencing improvement, then that's something else that might be worth talking about.

But if you don't feel comfortable talking to them about having ADHD, then maybe you don't have to. You're part of the family with them, with or without the diagnosis.

I know that it feels good to be understood, but keep in mind that ADHD doesn't define you...and it only partially describes you. You are a unique individual, with a unique personality, gifts, talents, and experiences...in addition to having ADHD.

Be yourself. If your family loves and accepts you for being you, then that's what really matters. (If they can also be accepting of the fact that you have ADHD, then that's icing on the cake.)

[ADHDinCa]

I think if your family is not as understanding about mental health issues, don't say anything or be vague if you have to. I was pretty quiet about it at first but now I am more open about it with the hopes of getting rid of the stigma. That said, my husband knows about my ADHD and agrees that I have it, however he had a bad experience with anti-depressants and is skeptical about medications. Occasionally he will weaponize this and use it against me if we have a fight, saying the the medication has "changed me." The truth is that it has changed me and reduced my anxiety, so that I am more bold about advocating for myself and pushing back when needed. When he doesn't like this he blames the medication. It sounds like your family might do this too, if they know about it. However, they may also notice that you are calmer and more "pulled together" and that may be the time to tell them that you are taking some medication to help.

[breadandcircuses]

Although there is a certain amount of temptation to tell everyone I know, I'm being really judicious about this. My mother is a malignant narcissist - haven't told her - she'd just use it as an excuse to berate me about how hard she tried with me and I was too [fill in the perjorative] to take care of myself, etc.

I have broken with friends in the past who couldn't deal with my mental health issues (this isn't my first rodeo). If your family is likely to be negative and weird if you disclose, I wouldn't. It's not really any of their business and it sounds like there's no upside. Good luck! Families are tough.

[LuisBarcelona]

The diagnosis for me was a relief more than a label. We always had the traits and some of your family members might have them too. I agree that we are much more than intense, fast and that we lose attention easily and we have our whole life to discover it, feel useful and enjoy it. Hugs

[Lilybel]

chances are that your family already knows there is something going on with you and maybe be glad to know what it is so they can begin to understand some behaviors!

I knew my daughter had something different when she was 5 years old but she was 20 before offficial diagnosis and she gots some meds to help her ! We now know how to help her better 😊

[STEM_Dad in reply to Lilybel]

As it was with your daughter, that's how it was with my parents and me. They always knew that I was different. (But then again, various other conditions run through our family tree...from dyslexia, to anxiety and depression, to even bipolar disorder. So, there's some acceptance of mental health disorders in the family, but it has taken decades for the broader family to be more accepting.)

However, the OP says that in their family there is a stigma of mental health disorders. That can be a significant barrier to opening up, as it was for my parents' generation of the family for so long.

(My mom majored in psychology in college, though she only completed an Associates degree, but I think her interest is what helped my parents be more accepting sooner than the rest of the family.)

[Oldgrumponabike]

You should only tell your family if you feel safe in doing so. Oftentimes those of us with ADHD as adults have some unresolved trauma lurking in our past and having a family conversation as such can really stir the pot. If you feel emotionally safe and that is something you wish to do, then by all means! Just keep in mind that you are obligated to no one as far as telling. It is entirely your choice.