Defensive and losing my family

[porcupin]

I was dx in my 40's. I have been trying to deal with my ADHD but not being able to. I am defensive either from ADHD or learned behavior. I am unable to communicate with my family. I feel I have a blank and never know what to do. I am a disappoint to my kids and husband . I work as a nurse in ER and thrive. The rest of my life is a disaster. I feel alone there is no help. I have been put on meds and my focus is better but I cannot control my angry responses. I feel my whole family is against me . I have never felt so alone . What kind of help have you found to be effective?

[BlessedLady]

You need to see a Psychologist. A Psychologist can help you understand your behavior. A Psychologist can also help you change the way you respond to things. But, it is vital that you accept that this takes time and hard work on your part. It will not happen quickly. You might have to see several Psychologists before you find one that is the right fit for you.

You could see a counselor instead of a Psychologist. The reason I suggested a Psychologist first is because they have far more education, training and experience than counselors.

[porcupin in reply to BlessedLady]

Thank you

[Wasted71years]

virtual support groups such as those hosted by ADDA allow you to share experiences and hear what works for those who deal with similar challenges.

[STEM_Dad]

In addition to individual counseling and group support (both of which are excellent suggestions), your family might benefit from family counseling.

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Sometimes, it is a form of Imposter Syndrome which makes us feel like a disappointment to our own family.

You all just might need help from a counselor to be able to express your feelings of unconditional love and acceptance.

Some families do use sarcasm and dark humor more than you might find in other families. This might just be a shared family trait.

(My own family is origin was very sarcastic when I was in my early teens, but we all realized that the sarcasm was hurting each other, because we're all a bunch of sensitive souls. We thought we were funny, because we were joking like a sitcom family, but it took a wakeup call in the form interpersonal relationship books to help us rebuild our family dynamic to be more positive. It worked, and now we can joke again like before, but realize how not to cross the line into hurtful territory again.)

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I know that I have felt like a disappointment many times, but my family has assured me that they love and appreciate me in spite of my shortcomings.

I know that I have made it clearly known to each of my family members that I love and appreciate each and every one of them, just as they are.

[Knitting20projects]

I strongly recommend individual & family therapy, if possible. You may need some help with emotion management/regulation and with your family members you can work together on healing behavior patterns & hurt feelings & work on building new patterns, hopefully. It’s a big personal time commitment.