Pregnant, tired, very little motivation...

[DirtyBoots]

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year and a half ago, and am halfway through my first pregnancy. I've struggled with motivation before I became pregnant, but it's worse now that fatigue is in the equation. My husband and I have had to buy disposable plates and silverware because I'm often too tired to do any chores at all. My husband on the other hand also has ADHD, but he is more able than I am to do unpleasant tasks when he is tired and stressed. His advice is to think about the results of the important tasks that I need to do, but I don't think that's enough for me. I just hate doing any kind of work right now.

Also, I feel really badly that my husband is making so many sacrifices for me, before pregnancy and now, and I always have a hard time doing the same for him. Like, when I don't wash the dishes that he needs to cook for us, he washes whatever he needs without complaining. I make so many mistakes, and forget very important conversations, and yet he bears with me, despite feeling disrespected. I feel like a terrible wife, and often I contribute to his stress, and sometimes I worry that I'm going to remain stuck in this pattern and we're going to become an old, bitter couple. Anyone have any advice for getting unstuck in this regard?

[BlessedLady]

You will have your baby in your arms before you know it. For most women, the first trimester has the most exhaustion. Most women feel better and have more energy in their second and third trimester. Talk with your OB. You should be able to resume your ADHD medication after you give birth. If you breastfeed, it will be longer..

[DirtyBoots in reply to BlessedLady]

I have actually never been on ADHD medication and am unwilling to start midway through pregnancy. My energy levels have been fluctuating, but I seem to get tired very easily. I spoke with a therapist several months ago about other ADHD symptoms, mostly to come up with strategies to keep me organized and help me focus once I've started a task. I'm just having the hardest time finding the willpower to do important household tasks. If I had money and didn't live far away from just about everything (I live in a rural area), I would hire a cleaner. I think I should speak with my therapist again, because I hate feeling like a lazy slob while my husband practically busts his butt every day for us. I've heard a little bit about cognitive behavioral therapy. I wonder if that's what I need right now.

[BlessedLady in reply to DirtyBoots]

Keep in mind the way you feel right now has a lot to do with your pregnancy. Pregnancy affects the way we perceive everything. Most women feel, including those with ADHD, better when they are in their second and third trimester than they do when they are not pregnant. It has to do with hormones. Have you discussed the way you feel with your OB? They deal with this every day. I understand having ADHD makes it worse in the first trimester. But remember much of what you are feeling now is related more to your pregnancy than your ADHD. You would probably do better seeing a Psychologist than a counselor or coach. They have far more education and training.

[DirtyBoots in reply to BlessedLady]

I'm in my second trimester, and am thinking of contacting my therapist. I will talk to my OB at my next appointment. I have more clarity than I did during my first trimester, so I think my hormones are more stable. It's just that I often don't feel like doing anything.

[BlessedLady in reply to DirtyBoots]

It will get better. Be kind to yourself. Raising children is the hardest job there is and the most meaningful and rewarding. It is a 365 days a year, 24/7 job. Having ADHD makes is more difficult but not less meaningful and rewarding. Good Luck

[MaudQ]

I was so tired when I was pregnant. It’s a lot of work to carry a baby and hormones can enhance ADHD symptoms. You might also be depressed. I would definitely push with your PCP and OB to get you referred to the right treatment. Seeing a therapist could really help too because the chores and guilt are probably snowballing and a therapist can help you address that part. Just make sure that the therapist understands ADHD. See if any chores can be delegated to someone else - or eliminated entirely. Paper plates are the way to go! No shame and it’s good to get into the habit of making your life as easy as possible before the baby comes. Starting a relationship with a therapist now is also good because your hormones will change again after your have the baby. If your symptoms continue or get worse, you might want to consider medication after the baby comes (formula is a blessing in these circumstances). But pregnancy and having a newborn is exhausting! Give yourself some credit for the work your body is doing. And congratulations on the pregnancy - and on having an awesome husband 😊

[DirtyBoots in reply to MaudQ]

Thanks for the kind words! My energy level is on the rise now, and I have a renewed desire to straighten up my house, though I understand that I need to pace myself. I feel closer to my prepregnancy self, but of course I am still growing a new person. In fact, the baby is going to grow like crazy soon.My husband is awesome indeed 🥰 He surprised me by bringing home a Time Timer the other day, which is helping me to visualize time. It made washing dishes more bearable, and I expect it to help me stay focused on individual tasks.