had cousin’s kids for a week. Terminally tired

[WinterWren]

I’m so wiped out and exhausted I could cry. I have a cousin who’s a total loser and I ended up taking care of his kids and basically being their guardian. They live in a children’s home most of the time but as a caregiver my husband and I have them on long school weekends and holidays.

We don’t have children of our own but at age 50, two years ago, these two boys were dropped in my lap. They’re wonderful kids - intelligent, well behaved, and surprisingly resilient after what they’ve been through.

I picked them up on Dec 23rd and am returning them to the home tomorrow. We’ve had a nice mix of down time and activities but I am absolutely and completely so spent that I could just fucking cry. I spend most of my days alone painting, hanging with my dogs, laundry, cleaning…and, as most of you know, it takes me forever to do anything.

im just whining, half drunk and looking for some solidarity. I just cannot even articulate this kind of exhaustion. I have severe ADHD and, I suspect, a sprinkling of Asperger’s.

the kids are so wonderful, but I feel so guilty that I’m the problem.

[MTA-]

Firstly, it's not you. Parenting is hard, even for neurotypical people.

Secondly..., look into autism (my understanding is that we don't use the term aspergers anymore; it's kinda problematic. But I am not going to start a flame war chiding you about that. If you relate to the term 'aspergers', then all power to you. The problematic nature of 'aspergers' relates to how its used in society, an individual using it on themselves isn't a big deal). My wife, who's on the spectrum felt that way after a few hours with my 4-year old niece. When she realized she was on the spectrum, and began to unmask, she was better able to get in touch with what caused that extreme exhaustion and why.

And that's what made me want to respond to you... it doesn't feel good or normal to be exhausted to tears by family and kids, but it is perfectly normal.

Sounds like you have the right idea with self-care and communication. Stay on that.

[BlessedLady]

Children are exhausting. even when you are raising them. On top of that having company visit is often exhausting. It will take you a few days, maybe more to get back to your old self

[Hominid711]

How about a support group for parental burnout? This is what it's called after all.I don't have kids and I know I would have trouble coping especially in my 50ies. I'd shamelessly put them in front of telly and give them phones. Depebding on their age obviously teach them how to make their own breakfast, cook eggs and other simple stuff, buy ravioli in tins (we grew up on tins after all), frozen pizza or - if you want them to cook for you - something a but more sophisticated. They can learn how to be decent cooks, clean up after themselves, share chores, make their own beds and keep their rooms tidy, empty and fill dishwasher and washing machine etc etc.

No need to just give.

And make sure you sleep enough including an afternoon nap. You're 2 adults aren't you? So no need to do everything together. Let your other half take them out for the active stuff and you are homely auntie Winterwren 8^)

[NYCmom2]

Kids are exhausting. As a parent I often break out into low key hives before a long weekend or holiday break. COVID lockdown homeschooling in New York City followed by closed summer camp almost did me in.

But here we all are still standing, still showing up. That’s the A+ gold star awesome goal.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for being a consistent and reliable caregiver. Take little breaks to reset (sit outside, quiet solo coffee, 10 minutes in a dark room) when overwhelmed and in full caregiver mode.

I found a course learning to self regulate during stressful moments to be helpful.

[LifeAfterDiagnosis]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You are absolutely not the problem. This is a really hard situation, for anyone. You're kind and compassionate and you're awesome for making sacrifices to love on these displaced kids!

It sounds like your cousin and my brother have a lot in common, and like you, we don't have kids of our own. My parents and my husband and I took turns raising my brother's now 30-year-old son. At 14, this child was flunking school, suicidal, "in love" with some girl he'd never met who lived in another state, and full of rage when we took over. We would lock our bedroom door at night. Things were tense, to say the least.

In addition to working full time, and dealing with my health issues (I also have ASD, SPD, NVLD, DPDR, MDD, GAD, and diabetes), I can't tell you how much worse my resentment for my brother made things for me. I had to practice a lot of grace and forgiveness. 🙄

This kid is now a well-adjusted, hard-working, responsible, wonderful 30-year-old man, who thinks of us as his parents. (We're actually still kinda' shocked how he turned out!) 😲I know not every situation turns out well, but every sacrifice you make with these children will pay off, whether you ever see it, or not.

Let the tears roll! It refreshes the soul! Hang in there, do everything you can to take care of yourself, and have peace knowing that you've made a difference in their lives, no matter how everything turns out. 👍

[Knitting20projects]

Hey, it’s ok. Kids will drain you. I don’t have autism, and I’m exhausted every evening after parenting my 2 wonderful high needs kids. Even 100% neurotypical people feel exhausted! Be kind to yourself