burnout apparently

[Colls47]

anyone ?

I’ve posted before , but tend to then go away and continue existing . Started therapy this week , paying for this one as the nhs therapy and metal health team led me down a yes this is life go live path . Drugged me up and down and told me suicidal thoughts daily are normal .

I’ve had one session of my new therapy , but it seems it is all going to be on zoom , which I’m not sure will work for me . The therapist who is a neuro divergent specialist / lecturer / author , basically said Hey, no shit , your burnt out due to everything last three years . ( can read my story on previous posts ) . Think I can recall two previous times when I’ve been burnt out , but they have always been whe. I got really ill, so of course now, my brain is telling me I’m really ill go seek help . ( I have bloods etc done and all good , and brain scans and more )

How do I get over this burn out . I’m a dad of four , and think all are neuro spicy , even my two step kids . My youngest son is diagnosed ASD ( he is 13 and that is what led me to seeking diagnosis)

He doesn’t stop talking, i mean nevee , and it’s intense and highly intelligent .

My two oldest are step kids since 5 and 7, now 21 /23. One a trainee midwife and the other recently graduated and trying to get into his career but struggling . All live at home. Both my eldest are fairly low , as their lives have turned into a hard to get anywhere adult life ,

My wife , she is without a doubt neuro spicy, but not diagnosed , and I can never tell if she is happy or sad , and keeps her feelings to herself , which makes me so anxious as I never seem to know what’s going on for her or how she is feeling .

I’m out of work for few years , always worked since 15 ( 49 now ) but although I desperately want to be back at work , my body is lacking energy , it aches , my head buzzes with negative thoughts , I have lost any friends I had since marriage , as you do . I made my life my family . But as they all get older , I see that I need more . But I feel done .

Death of parents and two uncles in last few years along with two friends I worked with , one for. Suicide one from a seizure in her bath , loss of job, diagnosed ASD and adhd , and guess a mid life Crisis currently as 50 this year .

How do I get back ? How do I accept what my family are like and make the most of it ?

Most days I wake feeling like I’m losing my mind . Life is beige . My wife is up before me for work and getting on it , and this is strange as it used to be who was up and on it and sorting and working . I’ve lost my pride and my place In life .

My ego says I should be up providing sorting working being with mates , so I feel failed , and scared. It could all be burnout that has thrown me a massive curve ball, but unless I’m certain , my mind goes on with catastrophic thoughts .

If anyone can relate , I’d love to hear .

sorry for long post again .

[MaudQ]

I go through this - don’t really have the perfect solution. I’m working with a therapist right now who specializes in ADHD and she seems to “get it” more than my previous therapists. I’m also 49 and a lot of the burnout advice is hard to apply (simplify, take breaks, rest - ha!) The therapist has me thinking about invisible work: masking, having elaborate calendar and timer set ups so I don’t forget appointments, etc. But I empathize. My husband is the one who gets up first and is the go getter. I was diagnosed with depression and then ADHD after my father died so I totally get how these things spiral out. A book that has helped me is called Your Brain’s Not Broken 2.0. It’s kind of high energy if you’re depressed, but there’s a good section on energy management: what burns us out, what’s restorative as opposed to just procrastinating or avoidant. The things that have helped me are simplifying, routine, trying to avoid masking (even around my family) and doing nice, fun things even if the house isn’t clean or I have a bunch of stuff to do. But it’s a work in progress for sure.

[Colls47 in reply to MaudQ]

Hey. Thank you for the reply . It’s real bad ain’t it . I think that being a guy , the guilt of it is excruciating. Society says man gets up gets on , so that’s a fail in my mind . I will certainly have a look at that book . It certainly does feel

Like my mind is broken . It seems to be constantly trying to figure out what has happened and how to fix it ( like there’s this magic answer ). And if it ain’t doing that , it’s telling me how I’m royally screwed , going to end up alone etc . Grief mixed in with it all , oh, and a good old bit of existential fear thrown in for good measure . Stay strong and be kind to you . Thank you

[AuDHD3245]

Alright? Zoom's alright. I prefer it because my social anxiety, although the therapy I get is by the best people, so should start meeting face to face at some point. Zoom's not a barrier, it's actually more comforting because you dont get distracted by everything in the room or outside etc. There's more focus and concentration on zoom.

There's a massive difference between working hard and doing what you can. If you go through alot, and your head spins doing it, and you equally 'work hard' to do the right thing, you'll burnout. On the other hand, if you compartmentalise your situation (I know that's difficult) and work to the best of your own ability, you'll do alot more. You'll get more and more done, and you'll begin to get better at it. The reason is because you're strong. Your best ability can move mountains. And that's for real. If you start moving one stone at a time from a mountain, eventually you'll move the whole thing. As you move those stones you'll naturally get stronger and stronger, moving bigger stones, and it's all because it's within your ability to do it. If you steam in, flat out, all day everyday, smashing the stone, moving big stones, waking early, going all day and doing 'hard' work, you'll crash.

Strength isnt designed to see how much you can move in one go, and keep going until you die from it. Strength is a life long ability, to live with it.

Work to your own ability, and that's stronger than those who work hard. 'Hard's a negative word, right? Work 'easy', do what you're capable of, and you'll win because you're strong 👍

[Colls47 in reply to AuDHD3245]

Hey, thanks for the share of possitive !!! Your words are true . I’ve been told in like a machine all my life , in work , in sakes, in labour work, go go go , even at the gym. But now after a few years of having to mentally go go go , my minds juts blipped and feels like it’s just burning and buzzing and worrying and stressing and trying to find a way to push on again , to get back to work , to be the best , to be the provider , the support for family . This no doubt is the adhd energy , but and years and years especially at school being told. If not be anything . Trying to prove myself . Always worrying what other people are thinking .

But what you say is true, I just need to un learn my ingrained habits of push push push .

Easier said than done right ? Especially when sitting with those thoughts if negative doom berating me is so so scary . I get so bored doing little aswell. It’s a real push and pull going on in my head . Relax , go do , sit , bored , go do , stop, anxiety , thoughts, go do then 🤯. Thank you though . Wise words 🙏🙏

[emiL1234]

They say an activity you like once a week can completely change your view on life.

Start small, maybe you always wanted to paint, or had a dream forever that is realistic?

Juste one thing once a week.

It will feel like your drive a shitty car that has been cleaned by peofessionals.

Small steps!

[CloudsAreLovely]

Get up, get dressed, make yourself look and feel good. Everyday.!!! Start doing some yoga or even physical therapy type activity.

Eating the right food will help your mood/crappy food will hurt your mood. I promise!!!Drink a few gallons of water a day. Depending on your weight.

If you dont already... start going for a nice walk. Then when you're ready.... join a hikers club on meetup. Nothing like hiking with people with the same goals!

When youre body feels better and the dopamine has a chance to naturally work..... it helps too. Or do whatever makes your heart sing in a group setting.

One other thing I would suggest would be like the calm app or something like it like insight. I just so happen to stumbled on this guru guys videos and some of his videos are really interesting and worth a listen. (Isha) The shorts are cool but his longer speaches are fantastic....a whole different perspective of how to relearn what we think for the better.

Get more sleep. This I really stuggle with. Its only because of what I've been putting in my body.

So I know what I'm suggesting works amazingly its just hard to maintain this at all times if there are hiccups along the way. But, its not istant some of the process takes time. Don't quit.

So If out of all of them always go for the walks and eat good foods then start putting all the other good things that work for you back in ....one at a time. Hope this helps you. Good luck!!!! Let me know.....

I'm a little off. Had a few hiccups

[Colls47 in reply to CloudsAreLovely]

Cheers bro .

I do the walking, daily . I love to cook , and cook good healthy food for family .

I just miss social interaction . Banter . My only real communication now parents gone is my wife and kids , and that’s normally serious deep

Stuff , and I thrive for smiles and fun, and being silly ? If that makes sense ? The class clown at school k was branded ( along with the enigma , Trouble maker etc ) and I miss the fun .

I feel worn . My sucked ache my neck legs back all ache , and it just makes me so sad . Turning 50 this year makes me feel that’s it . So every pain is like SEE, I TOLD YOU .

I do go gym , only once a week currently , was three times a week before Xmas . There’s juts a void . There no buzz . No desire . No YES, excitement .

I feel let down my the nhs and the system , and that doesn’t sit well with my ASD . The meds Drs have me on I’m sure are juts keeping me zombie .

So, I try most of what you said . Does it help ? I’d say yeah , but not enough . It doesn’t last long enough . But I will keep at it !!

I also use the DARE APP , if anyone fancy’s a look . Im not an APP person , but it’s pretty good guys , even the free trial .

Thanks trailblazer20

[Fru1tt3a]

I am in the same position as you. I am recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at 53, I work as a group fitness instructor and I’m a carer. I’m glad my job makes me exercise, as I wouldn’t if I didn’t get paid for it, but I’m so bored with life at the moment. I feel I want to do more but my mind won’t let me. I feel that time is running out and I’m wasting it. I’m on Elvanse 30mg at the moment, but this seems to have brought on my depression as well, so having too much time on my hands isn’t good for my mental health. I just wanted to say that you are stronger than you think you are. You’re still here fighting on day in and day out. It’s not easy living with adhd, especially with a neurospicy family. I have been told to give myself a break and to stop putting so much pressure on myself, as I have been living with misdiagnosed ADHD all my life, with no help whatsoever. Be kind to yourself, which I know is easier said than done, but as the previous commenter said, take small positive steps, one day at a time and don’t treat yourself like shit, because I know we are all guilty of that. Take care x

[Colls47 in reply to Fru1tt3a]

hey , thanks for this . It’s good but not good to know others going through similar . I think having always been in work was what probably kept me mentally Balanced as I was so busy fitting in . I so desperately want to be back in work , but my mind doesn’t want to let me just do a job that is pointless and brings me no happiness . I know we would all love that , but it’s a real deep feeling of I can’t . Maybe my ego . I’m stuck in this burnout fed up want to move forwards but can’t . If there was a road map 1) do this to re coup for this long 2) look for work with this many hours in THIS field after , I’d do it . But there isn’t , and my ASD likes certainty, and my burned out body doesn’t feel it could take more crap in a crap job or failing at something .

Sorry the elvanse has done that to you . For me , they did try me on long Acting and immediate acting stimulants , and they all made me so so so anxious it wasn’t bearable , and also had strong memories of my partying days , which I didn’t like . That was my trip down adhd drugs sadly , and I had such such high hopes of it being that SHINING LIGHT moment .

It’s so sad that anyone should feel this way about life , and yes it’s the adhd , and yes it’s a massive societal part to play , should musts make sure you etc, and when we can’t , we feel like we haven’t met the right measures .

I will try to not be shot to myself , but my brain seems set on telling me daily hourly , how the clock is ticking , how I’ve always been this way although I didn’t realise , and I’m stuck like this till day I die . X

[Mamamichl]

is there a day or two you can put yourself aside from the family? Like go to a hotel or friends house just to hang? Sometimes just a small amount of time away will give you some rejuvenation. If not, go for a daily walk and meditate multiple times a day away from them, even if just 10 minutes at a time.

[Colls47 in reply to Mamamichl]

Hey , hope you doing ok . If I could I would . It’s a bit messy , since losing my parents , I’ve become quite attached to being around family , but it just makes me feel angsty and uncomfortable . It’s crazy crazy . Maybe the ASD pulling one way the adhd the other . The meditating is something I need to do more . I do walk first thing around 7am , and I was gyming , but my energy has suddenly gone very very south . Especially my head . Depression / burnout who knows .

I’ve picked up my healthy eating game , not that we don’t eat unhealthy really . I just want to connect with people . It’s the feeling abandoned and alone that’s excruciating and causing me anxiety and a mental mind .

[Mamamichl in reply to Colls47]

I know that feeling. After disowning my parents and recently being kicked out of a fb family group that had ancestry pics and such, I felt that way hard. I’m reaching out more to my friends, which seems to be doing well. I just have to make sure I have some positive things to say too.

It does make sense that asd and adhd pull socially are polar. I have adhd but I’ve worked in ask therapy (aba) for some time too, which really is interesting. I’m learning in more recent research that they. Oils be the same condition, just shown differently.

It’s a good idea to do the meditating with the kids at times so they can learn those skills too. There are adhd and kid friendly meditations now, surprisingly.