Spouses Response…: Does anyone else... - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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Spouses Response…

AussieADHD profile image
9 Replies

Does anyone else have a spouse/partner that doesn’t get it, and thinks you should just be able to choose to change your behaviour?

Slowly trying to educate them is exhausting…

9 Replies
Old_Owl profile image
Old_Owl

Yep. When I was diagnosed my life made a lot more sense and I had a bit of hope. My wife thinks I'm being hoodwinked by Big Pharma. Everyone gets distracted, people forget or get stuck. She even had me watch some documentary on Netflix on stimulants and the overuse of them.

Threw me for a loop and self doubt. But I knew I needed to move forward.

Now she loves me and I love her. She doing this because she doesn't want me to be hurt. What makes it hard is I still really can't express to her that these things every once and then is with me 24X7, and I've been living my life thinking if I just was a bit better or smarter or just not lazy I could do what everyone else seems to do.

Sorry, might be over sharing, but the short of it is I've resigned myself I'll figure it out as I move forward.

AussieADHD profile image
AussieADHD in reply to Old_Owl

Not oversharing at all, that’s what we do 😂

I totally relate and appreciate you being open, that really helps

lemonspeaks profile image
lemonspeaks

it is exhausting to try and explain it to someone else, especially when you’re still figuring it out yourself.

I gave my partner a few books and podcasts to educate themselves, because I realized I’m needing to learn more about how this is effecting me and I don’t have the energy or expertise to teach someone else yet.

Take all the time you need to grieve, ask yourself questions, and learn more about this. There’s so much that I thought everyone did and has been shocking finding out is an adhd thing. And realizing how much masking I’ve done and hid who I really am because of it. Not sure if you’re dealing with that.

sending you all the magical vibes!!!

AussieADHD profile image
AussieADHD in reply to lemonspeaks

Thanks for sharing. I’m relating so much to your words. Seems to be something I’m doing a lot lately as I find out more about this. Thought I was okay with it at first but it seems like there’s a lot of adjusting to do.

Soooooo many things I thought were “normal” 😊

lemonspeaks profile image
lemonspeaks in reply to AussieADHD

yes totally. I got diagnosed last week and at first it was validating and no big deal, but with each day I’ve started to feel a lot of emotions about it. Someone in this community told me that grief is something people can tend to feel after getting diagnosed and that it can take up to a year to fully accept about yourself. Phew I would say I’m wondering if I agree with them now!

Gettingittogether profile image
Gettingittogether in reply to lemonspeaks

The grief process can take a while. I mean, once we accept the diagnosis, it's like we can now be honest. My brain went back through my life on all the tasks that I struggled with and sorta felt the pain of the struggle--and yet hid it, minimized it at the same time.

I had a job where I did excellent work that took me longer--like 3x longer--than other people doing the work. I was clueless about why I was so often "late." Clueless. And then I get the dang diagnosis. There is definitely grief. But you want to do a lot of reading and then start building up systems and shortcuts to minimize the ADHD.

There is also a lot of shame about the condition. Takes time to let that go.

AussieADHD profile image
AussieADHD in reply to Gettingittogether

I was just always wondering why I couldn’t fix me. No matter how many courses I bought, or how hard I tried, how many Jim Rohn lectures I listened to, nothing would stick. Now I have an answer that doesn’t really change any of that, it just means instead of trying to fix it I need to understand it and, like you said, minimise it.

NYCmom2 profile image
NYCmom2

This 1 hour long ADDitude: ADHD Experts Podcast sums it up nicely:

“ADHD is a Whole-Life, Whole-Body Experience” it’s episode 427 from October 28

The more confident you are with your knowledge and acceptance of yourself the easier it is to navigate other people’s opinions.

AussieADHD profile image
AussieADHD in reply to NYCmom2

Thank you 🙏

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