I am new to this portal. I have found out that my husband was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, was on Ritalin but stopped due to not feeling well.
Lately, my husband’s ADHD symptoms have been worse, it wasn’t an issue until this last month and It has been difficult to cope. He does not want to go back on medication because he doesn’t feel like he needs it. We were best friends, now I just feel like he is emotionally distant. Just wanted some support, as I think my young son (almost 4) also have the same symptoms so I feel very overwhelmed
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He had mentioned he does not have a problem. I have only brought it up recently because of my concern for my son’s symptoms. It’s very hard to approach him lately as he has been putting more effort to his friends or is tired. He did mention that he is willing to see a doctor though. I just don’t want to keep approaching him like I am nagging. I am just worried about him
I completely understand. I am a school counselor and what I’ve noticed is many of my high school students who had a negative experience with medication as a young child are VERY against getting back on medication even though it would be life saving for them. I wasn’t formally diagnosed until after my daughter who was 5 at the time was diagnosed (she’s my mini me so I knew I had to have it too). Starting treatment at the age of 29 was the best decision I could have ever made. I would say get your son help first... and maybe that will make your husband more open to talk about it. Men react much differently when talking about mental health as opposed to women. They are also a lot less likely to seek treatment.
Thank you. I didn’t know it was an issues until my mother in law recently mentioned to me that my father in law and my brothers in law have a form of ADHD. And now after learning about it, I noticed my son’s symptoms. Now that I think of it, I didn’t realize he had symptoms while we we were dating either that or I was just in denial. I just accepted all his quirks as I love him.
I was thinking that too it would be good to get my son treatment first. I was just worried of the side effects.
I’m very Type A, so it really distresses me that I feel loss of control. I guess now that his symptoms are persistently affecting my life recently. I just miss my husband.
🙋🏻♀️ I feel you on the Type A, that’s me plus ADHD... 🤦🏻♀️ My poor husband. Just know that no marriage is perfect. This is a bump. As soon as you are able to effectively communicate your feelings and your husband is open to listening, it’ll get better. As a Type A I know you want this resolved like NOW... but be patient. Since my daughters diagnosis I have researched and learned so much about ADHD and my husband was more open to talking about it and learning about it because of my daughter.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate the time you took to speak to me. I feel more optimistic and will not give up.
He needs treatment. He needs meds. I also have adhd and with my tools I still struggle but am able to be normal at times. Some times I get over my head on here and actually looking for friends to talk to but sometimes I know I can be overwhelming or too blunt at times. At least get him some therapy sessions. Should help if he wants it
Thank you. I also agree. He is just refusing treatment right now as he feels it is not a problem. He did mention that he is willing to get a doctors checkup. I just hope he would follow through. I’m here to support him as I always have since we been together. I just feel overwhelmed as my son also is exhibiting the similar behaviors. I am glad to find this support group. I am learning more about ADHD. I wish I had knew more about it when I was still dating my husband, so I can be more prepared.
Never too late. But if you tippy toe around it. They won’t be any solution. I don’t want to sound discouraging but you have to force it or give it a ultimatum
Shame was a root issue on a lot of my ADD impacts. I believe cognitive therapy is vital for positive outcomes.
There is a bunch of new understandings that need to be learned, regarding, what ADD means for your family. Attempting to normalize destructive behavior won't reduce impacts on you or your husband.
My wife has been in a relationship since ages twelve and thirteen, ”talk about baggage.
Every time I emotionally deregulate, I feel the shame I soaked in for years, a lifetime.
Meds take time to lock-in on, find the best ADD counselor in your area and start on healing your family.
When he is unregulated emotionally he isn't angry, he's most probably overwhelmed, and yes it's hard to hug a yelling spouse, love can conquer most hurdles.
Thank you so much. Working on healing. I also had noticed that he feels overwhelmed. He just started working 5 months ago after being out of work for years and going through school. The current pandemic isn’t helping with our hobbies we used to enjoy together currently unavailable. We are working on finding hobbies we enjoy together and working on our communication.
I know he isn’t ready for therapy, but I decided to receive therapy to allow myself better coping and reaction to his adhd. I have also issues that I was in denial as well, so working on healing myself and my family. I’m not one that gives up easily and I’m very patient so I just have to keep pushing forward.
It’s nice to hear that long term relationships can survive with this with work, empathy, and patience.
Until your husband feels he needs help, he will not get help. I received help because my wife told me i wasn't acting like myself and everything she said about me was true. Always wanted to be alone, confused, trouble thinking, bad attitude and more, but I love my wife so much and our kids I felt a trip to the doctors was worth it. I pray that he feels the same and get help! I feel like a brand new person and I thank my wife each and everyday. You know the first thing the doctor told me is to pray about it. I pray everything will get better soon.
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