I was in line for months to get ADHD therapy, and its not what I expected. She is a social worker and it's much more like what I imagine the stereotype of normal therapy, like Monk if you ever watched that. Don't get me wrong, I'm plenty full of emotional problems, but I was looking for more of an occupational therapy, executive function sort of experience. When I was a kid, that was my experience with ADHD therapy. Lots of my emotional problems stem from not getting stuff done, communication deficits, time management, work/life balance, no room for recreation.
When I ask her about ADHD management, she talks about mindfulness, trying harder, being responsible, general advice about creating a routine schedule with no concrete tools. Then we go back to how F'ed my head is. I get the impression she doesn't know that much about ADHD. If I could do that stuff I wouldn't have sought out her help!
Am I expecting the wrong things? should I ask for a new therapist? I feel awkward asking her for more life coach sort of tools cuz I suspect she will draw a blank and awkwardly make up stuff I will feel obligated to smile and nod to. Even with the emotional stuff, it doesn't seem to go anywhere. I vent, she understands... I don't need someone to understand me, I want to organize my life better! My life was fine before I had a job/kids. My misery is a direct product of losing that life as I got imprisoned behind my white picket fence. I feel like I'm putting off life until my 60's so I can pay my mortgage and she just wants to talk about coping with that reality.
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it sounds like you are looking for a coach rather than a therapist? I have a coach (adhd and autism specific) who provides really practical support taking through issues or challenges I have.
I feel you. Every experience I have had with conventional therapy has been underwhelming and almost exclusively focused on emotional issues, as if they know nothing about executive functioning. An ADHD coach was far more helpful as was neurofeedback therapy, which helped me way more than any treatment ever, but it’s pricey
Make a switch. However, you may be confusing terminology. There's a difference both in education credentials and treatment modality, depending on the type of therapist you are seeing. If it's a social worker with no training in ADHD, obviously request a different one who has taken classes on it. From what I've learned in my own personal journey though, emotional issues and ADHD can't simply be broken into two separate and unique buckets. There is usually some past situation you were in where ADHD caused the situation to be especially challenging, and emotional repercussions from many of these events through time can even be considered by some as one type of trauma. I'm learning more about myself and my history and making progress through seeing an LMFT who specializes in EMDR and somatic sensing, and although I was seeking an ADHD coach at the same time as when I chose my current therapist, I decided the value I was getting from emotional discussions surpassed what I could get from only executive functioning coaching
What you need is not a therapist but and ADHD Coach they are the ones who worked with daily executive functions. LIke keeping on track, managing multitasking , keeping order in your environment not getting distracted and time management . Check this out on line . I found it helpful
I know how you feel. I've seen A LOT of different types of counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists, but none really seemed to know about ADHD. Even less about the unique relationship of ADHD and emotions. I believe that mental health pros have a long way to go to figure out how these affect one another in us. And even less how to teach us how to deal with this.
hi, there are over 8 main counseling theories and within them come corresponding counseling techniques. in social work, we graze over all of them. it sounds to me that your social worker’s theory/ technique is not what you are wanting. unless a counselor knows the clients goal, ( yours is skill training) then i think its impossible for them to know what techniques to use. a GOOD therapist will ask ya. it doesnt sound like she did. yikes!
you, the client get to pick what is helpful. some people loooove that Monk style, some people like brief solution based therapy. its such a broad field. and bc its broad- it attracts many diff types of people. so not all counselors are created equal. im in grad school right now at age 48, ive been in the field since 1997. i honestly hate grad school. its mainly a bunch of children who have never even had their cell phone bill in their own name or had a mortgage, yet they think they have all the answers lifes problems. 😂
there are obviously exceptions -but in general:
psychiatrist generally do not do therapy- they learn how to treat with medication. they are really not qualified to do counseling.
psychologist study the “ why” of how a brain works. they are great at explaining your brains wiring- and change your brains wiring- but not helping folks navigate life.
LMFT focus on relationships n the art of human interactions.
general mental health counselors n master level social workers are a mixed bag. thats why its impt to know what u are looking for when choosing a professional.
honestly, i agree with the others- it seems like at least for right now- u arent looking for counseling- u are looking for a coach to give you strategies.
I agree with lots of the comments above, also feel your frustration, but bottom line, if my mailman had a handle on time management and executive function I'd hire him! I have had lots of different types of therapy. I'm also a social worker. I know a ton about adhd, as an aging club member, but the psychiatrists, nurses and psychologiststs I work with? Not so much. In my experience with other disciplines, btw, the Psychiatrist teaches you about the brain wiring and Psychologists (sorry to generalize) want to know how you FEEL about your life being a mess due to executive dysfunction. Aaaaagh. But I recently lucked out...listened to a webinar from Additude about CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) showing real results with ADHD. I found a therapist, an MFT (LMFT) who subscribes to it fully. And when an issue provokes anxiety as many of ours do, we look at it through the CBT lens and continue working on practical strategies to deal with all of it. He also turned me on to the Stoics to benefit from their ancient wisdom. Coaching is good but can get expensive. I do hope you find someone who helps soon. It often takes time to get the right fit. I am greatly helped using colorcodng and time-timers and all the rest, but our condition is complex. I'd grab education and guidance from everyone.
Is there any sort of license for "coach" that could bill insurance? I'm currently giving up on idealism and getting a crappy job for the $, but multiple $50 bills each week is not something I can do ATM.
Not to my knowledge (but there should be). Coaching has made a significant difference in my life. I understand not needing the bill, but if/when you're able to afford it, it'll have a significant impact on your executive functioning - assuming you get a good coach. They address behavioral issues, not simply emotional ones.
in the US coaches are not licensed and cannot bill for insurance. Some therapists also get certified for coaching and can be accessed while using insurance that way.
Trust your gut. If you’re not getting the help you need, see the excellent advice already given in this thread and switch to a different kind of provider.
Go on, and give yourself permission to take the best care of yourself you can!
I wonder if what you need is a coach - someone who can guide you through practical ways of mitigating the effects of ADHD in both the work context (where the issues really come under the spotlight) and more broadly. It may be that you would still benefit from therapy but my experience has been that the better I'm copy with the essential aspects of my life the less pressing the need for therapy becomes. I also find that just raking over the midden - which happens a lot in therapy - can make me despondent. I now question if I have ever been depressed as I once believed, but just distressed by the pain and frustration of living with ADHD.
as a therapist who’s a social worker and recently diagnosed with adhd, I can attest that I have ZERO idea how to treat people with adhd. With my clients who have adhd, we don’t focus a lot on that but on their trauma instead. However, the more I’m going to learn about my own adhd, I hope to bring that into my work. I totally recommend finding a therapist who either has adhd and can empathize or one who specializes in it more. Because a therapist telling someone with adhd to try harder? Ha. Get someone else!
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