How do you really know you are adhd when soooo many things can look like it?

[emiL1234]

2 different experts said I am / am not, as one said I scored 4/9 and the other 5/9 . You're officially adhd at 5/9 in Canada. Still, both experts had the same written "quizzes" from the same 2 people and had the same conversations with me. I even decided to try medication from my own will, I though maybe it could make me see that I have a problem, but it does nothing at all. Plus a pharmacist made me realize it's a stupid plan and won't make me "see". And that this plan could make me take medication for my whole life without being sick or taking it my whole life and not seeing the benefits of it.

The more I read, the more I think I am, and then I read even more and start thinking I'm not at all. I'm starting to feel like I've been bullshited. and the process and diagnosis take forever to obtain. My doctor is asking me to see a third expert now. At this point, friends are telling me to just let it go, but I can't.

Everyone seems so relieved when they have a diagnosis, but when I had mine, I stayed obsessed about the fact that there is a mistake. I did not cry of relief, I cried cause I really feel like I've been pushed in the wrong basket. At work, I started asking people about stuff and habits that seem ADHD from me, and I find out that everyone has the same habits than I do and thought was . The more I ask questions to others, even if it makes me look ridiculous, the more I find that I'm completely normal. Despite very long days of work, I find myself still searching every time I have a few minutes to search more and I have new conclusions everyday. I go to bed and wake up everyday reading about it and other possibilities. ( By the way I sleep like a baby at night, most ADHD people have problems shutting their thoughts) .

Some friends say I might be gifted, others anxious, others a bit autistic, I say I m a mix of several little things that make me LOOK adhd. When I hear a neuropsychologist telling me about "how hard it was in school" for me, it rhymed to nothing. It wasn't hard for me in school, and my mom just confirmed to me, school was easy, even in high school, I would be lazy and just make my exams one shot, never using time to review, and always obtain grades between 65% and 85%) I was this lazy student that has no desire of impressing anyone and who wasn't competitive at all, not even with myself. I answered the same way to every test at the neuropsychologists, and I wonder if the results would have been different if I had made more efforts, but it seemed to me that I had to reflect as accurate as possible the way my brain works. I also became completely down before impulsivity tests, I started thinking that I'm only a dumbfuck and that there is not point. I knew AM impulsive, but the state of mind I was in really made me so down down suddenly, that I started to just "push the button" on an automatically mode, thinking there is no point at all.

When they the neuropsychologist that when I travel I do excursions more than museums because I'm hyperactive, I failed telling him that I make sports when I travel because I can easily do 360 days without making any sports and it's not good at all. And also I travel with a friend that has social anxiety and who likes mountains, of COURSE I will not ask her to go to bars and museums. It made me think about all the hyperactive friends who NEED to bike and run before work and after or everything turns wrong for them , it's not like that for me. I'm a potato couch. ButI live in a 20 feet by 28 feet house, so Yes, I wake up a lot during a film otherwise it becomes really messy in here. When he said :" you are hyperactive, you cannot sit" I missed my occasion to let him know this detail : I live in a mini house. I then called an ex boyfriend who said : " when you lived with me, you were spending hours, hours and hours on the couch. All the time. So many misunderstandings.

I start to feel like some medium is telling me my past more than a professional doctor, but I completely blocked, I could not speak anymore while he was telling me I'm adhd, it was like when I learned that Santa Clauss doesn't exist again, I kind of passed out in another dimension and did not participate to the conversation. And this kind of attitude is probably what makes me cut people while they speak: If I don't tell them as quick as possible that what they are saying is wrong, I could say nothing and lose. I felt misunderstood in every every every conversation I ever had with anyone, and since over the last year I started looking at these things more, it changed me and made me feel like I never want to talk to anyone anymore, since everything turns so wrong.

The main reasons that made me believe I'm adhd are that I talk a lot and I cut people's sentences. They are probably the 2 strongest sings of ADHD. But I also fell on my head pretty strongly years ago, no one ever looked at that, and I also went in a high altitude mountain, which can create brain damage, and I also worked 10 years in an industry where you have to watch your stuff 7 days seven nights, with a psychopath narcissistic boss and workaholic and Asperger. Those years are when I thought I was adhd the most, or crazy, and even though I changed environments to do the same job in a more relaxed environment, I still feel like I 've been at war, that I am damaged, and I still fear to meet this boss in the streets that emptied me of all my strength, confidence and energy several times, until burnout. ( By the way I know I need therapy) Some experts say stress can make you look adhd.

I try to keep my mind open and to admit that maybe I just don't want to look at me in the face, but I cannot help doing lists of stuff adhd people do that I don't and it makes no sense to me. The simplest example I can find is how many accidents adhd people have on the road, I never do even though I drive 120 000 km a year for my job on the road. I can find hundreds of stuff adhd people do and I don't. When I meet some people who clearly look adhd to me, I'm completely completely surprised of "how come they can manage living like this" It seems so tough and I don't feel those difficulties. Some say it's because I adapted my life so well to my condition that I don't feel sick, but I still am. I don't know who to believe anymore.

P.S. I did not review this text.

[Rodster]

It sounds like the "experts" you went to are not truly experts at all. Its better to find someone who specializes in adhd and has been doing it for years. I went to someone who finally gave me a solid diagnosis but it wasn't based on whether I got a 5 out of 9 score on a test. I also went to one of those so called "experts" who sat me down in front of a computer and gave me an adhd test that was software based. The conclusion after that was that I needed 8 months worth of therapy because I hadnt dealt with my childhood and that I did not have ADHD. What a waist of time.

[emiL1234 in reply to Rodster]

A neuropsychologist said I have impulsive ADHD. other neuropsychologists said I don't but I have serious self-esteem and depression problems. Psychiatrist said we'll never know if I have ADHD. Expert on ADHD said no, as well. If I have this, it's low, and I want to change jobs, but I'm afraid to go somewhere where adhd would be a problem and then lose my job.

[75ADHDgal]

First off all I would not rely on what friends say. rely on the psychiatrist and neuropsychologist. Do not overthink yourseof. And You might have co-morbid conditions meaning more than one diagnosis at the same time. For example I wa told that depression/anxiety aree commonly associated with ADHD. there are several differbt trypes of adhd - hyperactive and inattentive and mixed- I have primariy inattentive- but I can be hyperfouused too!

And yes "regular folsk" exhibit some of the same symptoms as those of us with ADHD - but never to the same extent. And those who do not have ADHD do not understand it - and as a Health Care Professional with ADHD that has been my experience.

Sounds like you have been listening to too many folks , not sharing everything with the Neuropsycholgists - I would ask for another session- go over your concerns and asked to be retested. Also see a psychiatrist and discuss duel or triple diagnosis with them.

As for interrupting folks- I do that - but I am alsofrom New York and I hear it a New york trait especially New York City! .

Make sure the Neuro- pychologist you see has your entire history and is well versed in ADHD and the associated diagnosis . Oh and Bi polar disorder also can co- exist with ADHD .

Do not try and self diagnose - do not depend on non medical friends . And get daily exercise - I frankly would refrain from spending time with anyone who has anxiety disorder like social anxiety myself- we have enough to deal with - Keep a routine - meditate daily and see a Psychiatrit- Yes experts can be wrong - but more often they are RIGHT !

[BatWoman87]

Hey emiL,

I can sympathize with a lot of the "am I, am I not?" thoughts. That was me for a number of years. My family dr referred me to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist said it was "too difficult to tell". It was only when I paid out of pocket to see a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and received an evaluation for adult ADHD from her (which was a whole suite of questionnaires and input from parents and other adults who knew me well as a child e.g. my figure skating coach, plus my current partner, my best friends, and she also reviewed all my report cards that my mom so wonderfully organized and kept for me) that I received a diagnosis of mild inattentive ADHD (she said "very mild" to me in our conversation but "very mild" isn't an official category).

It sounds like you've got a lot of thoughts swirling around in that head of yours. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist / psychologist to talk about all that stuff swirling around in there, if you haven't already (or start again if you stopped in the past). CBT with a therapist, and mindfulness meditation, can do wonders for that swirling, and bring clarity for your next steps.

Where are you located? I'm in Ontario and might be able to provide some more guidance or recommendations, if you'd like and are in ON.

Best of luck!

[emiL1234 in reply to BatWoman87]

I'm in Quebec. I have a psychologist now, recommended by the psychiatrist who said we'll never know. Unfortunately, he is great and it's cool to talk to someone, but he is not specialized in adhd. He would be the third specialist telling me problems are somewhere else. I'm still trying medication like a dumbass, trying to see a difference.

[ZimmyZimmy]

I’m 45. I’ve been in the untreatable depression and crippling anxiety brackets for 25 years of counseling and meds. I wish I had known about adhd with I was little. I’m inattentive and daydreamy…and was as a little girl. Back then, I was just sensitive and shy. So I am now discovering I can check all the boxes for adhd, and I have many examples of all of it since I was little! I also was in the fence of “do I? Don’t I?” Am I faking it?

So I started seeing a new actual psychologist and he asked questions at length and did confirm the adhd…and he said also high functioning autism!

I was relieved and angry that this could be missed for so many decades. his response is “you hide it really well.”

So I read there is something called “masking.” And I am apparently a superstar masker. But what is a drag, is all of the energy I have put into trying to appear normal, and struggle with it.

So I’m on this forum to seek words of wisdom from the relief of knowing there are others out there who feel the same, and maybe I’m not as weird as I though. *whew!*

[UhNonImus]

If you’re constantly thinking about 100 things at once, creative ideas, thoughts, inventions, and never following through with any of them, you’re add af

[emiL1234]

Yearly update: (sorry everyone if I’m annoying.

- The neuropsychologist who said I have adhd said it’s an opinion and I will never find someone else with the same opinion. I have this tendency of not believing what a doctor says if I cannot find a second doctor saying the same

- the psychiatrist who said we will never know if I have adhd accepted to meet me in order to prescribe a new medication ( would be the fourth kind I would try) and asked me 3 questions to kind of « double check » if I have adhd. The 3 questions, and only 3 made me realize he knows FUCKALL about adhd and my knowledge surpasses his. It is crazy to find out that a professional with 10 years or more of school and about 25 years of experience ( or more) knows less than you, the patient, about a mental illness or disorder or whatever we want to call it. At this moment I lost confidence in the best health system in the world.

- The expert on adhd who first said, back in 2019 that I don’t have adhd but might have other problems refused to see me again when I called through a website dedicated to her AESTHETIC SURGERY CLINIC ( how gifted are you, when as a family doctor you are ALSO a surgeon AND a specialist on ADHD and you look about 40 years old, did you start studying at 2 years old and why are you not working only for the richer people on the planet if you know so much stuff, how many years before you will also be a psychiatrist? 2? At that moment I thought I was hallucinating and it’s fun to notice that the receptionist at her clinic had NO IDEA she also takes private consultations on ADHD.

- The group of students and their supervisor at the neuropsychology clinic that evaluated me said I have no adhd but other problems . So far my favourite people

I called them 6 months after to let them know that I was already tested a year before by a neuropsychologist who said I HAVE adhd. I asked them if I could pay them to review my case and be back to me. The supervisor called me 2 months after ro promise that they still believe I don’t have adhd but other problems. What they « first saw as impulsivity could be anxiety, for instance »

- The psychologist I saw 10 times since May ( FOUND BY THE PSYCHIATRIST that I don’t trust anymore) accepted to read and listen ro my story and refused to give an opinion about do I or don’t I. I wondered why this charming psychiatrist who offered to find a psychologist for me ( FREE, THANKS TO A SPECIAL PROGRAM, thanks at least for that) I wondered why it did not occured to him to find a psychologist who knows something about adhd, since my main peoblem is to be obsessed with adhd, but hey, we can’t have everything…

So I feel like Im back to square one except that the psychiatrist who said we will never know if I have adhd is fine with prescribing me other pills for adhd. I finally understood how « fine tuning » works. BY LOOKING ON YOUTUBE so I am certain what I need is 30 mg of vyvanse ( I tried 3 kinds, on wrong doses for about a year with no one ever to check if I was doing the right thing, My family doctor was happy to prescribe stuff and completwly absent when I needed his help. I left him.

Nobody knew I was overdosing for a month on Vyvanse since I thought what it felt like was horrible, but normal.

I marked on my calendar that today is the day I give up thinking about this during all my free time and doing nothing else than going to work and reading on adhd. At least, my work weeks are about 70 hours so I am positive that rhose 70 hours are 70 hours less obsessing.

The famous psychiatrist also said my best bet is ro give up, a month ago, before agreeing to prescribe. higher dose of Concerta, no lower dose of Vyvanse ( even if I said I took it once and it was perfect, and a revelation) and in the end changed his mind for Zoloft.

I am completely aware that I look like a total bitch bitchin. My real goal is just to know if I live in a bubble and ruined my life, and if there is some kind of second chance, with what pill.

I adore each and every one of you, strangers. I think you are more useful than all the professionals I have met. This website is amazing.

don’t give up!

FUN FACT: the neuropsychologist who said I have adhd recommended to look everything from Russel Barkley. I did, until I have found an article from Russel Barkley saying that neurological testing for adhd ain't worth shit. HAPPY SATURDAY NIGHT EVERYONE!!!