Sick of feeling like a tightly wound spring...

[TightlyWoundSpring]

I'm new here... Diagnosed 4 and a half years ago when I started my degree in social work. I have always been emotionally unstable and would go from 0 to murderous in 0.3 seconds, I have managed to get a handle on the murderous part of that in recent years thankfully!! But I still feel tightly wound, all of the time... I was born into a very stressful house and then raised by grandparents until they couldn't cope any more... Through the care system, homeless, drugs, alcohol, prison... All before 18. Fast forward approximately 15 years and 1 diagnosis and a degree later I finally understand why I was such a mess. I can't seem to shake the feelings of not belonging, not being good enough, not being able to manage my emotions like a normal person, not being worthy of experiencing life in a normal way... During my degree I lost my dad, who I'd spent the last few years rebuilding a relationship with, I was dragged through the family courts by an ex, who won 50/50 care despite my child's heartbreaking protests, I experienced psoriasis covering 80% of my body, which nearly resulted in me failing my final placement, and then when I'd actually managed to pass and took a little time to mentally deal with it all I lost my Grandma who was more of a mother then I ever deserved... I know its a lot to have come through but I just feel so empty, so broken... And I don't know how to fix myself, or where to even begin to try...

[SCR4MBLES]

You sound like a very resilient person. Sorry to hear that you're struggling, I saw a few positive things in that post that I think you should be proud of. Keep doing your best mate!

[TightlyWoundSpring in reply to SCR4MBLES]

Thank you for you kind words. 🥰

[Hidden]

I think by coming here and getting support was a big start I'm in same boat. Wondering how to restart.

[TightlyWoundSpring in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I hope you manage to figure it out too... It's hard restarting again and again... 🥰

[Hidden in reply to TightlyWoundSpring]

Yes it is i always worry bout the kids but they are grown now. My daughter just gave me my first Grandson and I have 1 more year with my son. I'm really trying to get him together before he leaves home he suffers with this as bad as i do.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forums!

If the emotional instability is due to ADHD, then it might be what's called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RDS).

Not everybody with ADHD experiences this. I don't. (Even though I do feel a form of rejection sensitivity, it doesn't make me respond in anger, but to withdraw and feel sadness or shame, depending on the circumstances.)

RSD is documented in research, but is not yet included in the diagnostic manuals. Some clinicians (doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, or therapists) may acknowledge it. Others might simply refer to what you experience as "emotional disregulation" (which is what I think RSD is one form of), or something else.

Whether it's RSD or something else, I don't know if there's any medication that's effective at treating it. (Check with your doctor or psychiatrist.) Certain kinds of therapy might help. I'm thinking of the likes of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and exposure therapy. (Check with a mental health care provider.)

I'm not a medical or mental health professional, so I couldn't really recommend anything. I'm just sharing about some of the things that I've learned about. I have had issues with recurring anxiety, and definitely went through a period of depression (about 6 weeks long last Spring), and I was helped with counseling, mindfulness meditation, and CBT. Then again, my issues were from dealing with work and relationship strife (event and environmental causes). I don't deal with anxiety or depression all the time.

I do live with the rejection sensitivity all the time, but as I have grown more confident in my skills, and more self-assured in my judgement, I'm less deeply affected by it. It still flashes up in the moment that I feel the rejection, but after a free moments I'm usually able to self-soothe my bruised ego. (After I went through a few years of being misjudged by a manager and director ina previous job, I eventually realized that some people who get into management have a lot worse judgement about people and situations than I do. I would do better in their positions, but I don't want to deal with all the politicking that is required at that level.)

[TightlyWoundSpring in reply to STEM_Dad]

RSD is something I'm familiar with and definitely something I think is link to my ADHD. It wouldn't be that surprising tbf, whatever predisposition I may have had being kick started thanks to my home life from an early age.CBT I've tried, bits have helped but it can be a struggle to keep on top of it. Meditation is a massive no-no as my brain just goes into overdrive and becomes louder, however I've found music is a big help instead! DBT, isn't something I have tried but always something I've wondered if it might help, think I'll follow that up with my specialist.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. 😊

[STEM_Dad in reply to TightlyWoundSpring]

DBT is a form of CBT, but more specialized. From what I've read about it, DBT is helpful in addressing emotional triggers and the behaviors that result from them.

I think I can describe CBT as REACTIVE, while DBT is PROACTIVE.

My counselor taught me some CBT skills to use when I get emotionally flooded. It works for me, but my flooding doesn't happen in an instant. (Of course, due to my ADHD inattentiveness, I forget to practice. But I remember the techniques, at least. Note to self: practice!)

From the Wikipedia article about DBT, I believe it includes learning to recognize what triggers you, and rehearsing the way you want to respond to those.

Meditation is much easier for some people, much harder for others. Mindfulness meditation (if I understand the difference) is more focused on real world things. The first type I learned, way before I ever heard the word "mindfulness" was to focus on one muscle group at a time, tense up a little for 5-10 seconds, then relax that part of the body; working one part at a time through the whole body. Now, I understand it better, so that if I'm too much "in my head", I'll focus on things in my body or in the physical space around me (including the music in listening to). If I feel tense or uneasy in some part of my body, I focus on why I feel that way (it's usually a response to an emotion), and I sift through my thoughts to find what is bothering me, and why... Then I can challenge the thoughts by focusing on some counterpoint. An improv comedy technique, to keep the flow of a routine going, is to say "yes, and..." then insert something new (related or unrelated to the last thing that was said. I use the same kind of idea when challenging negative thoughts about myself, someone else, or a situation.

I'm recently divorced, my wife cheated on me and chose to divorce me. I have feelings of rejection hit me at random times, usually feeling inadequate. I'll acknowledge these AS feelings by saying "YES, I *feel* that way, AND..." then insert some positive truth I know. (I'd give an example, but the only ones I can think of right now are inappropriate or too personal.)