ADHD or something else?

[Oh-gawd]

My ADHD spouse will eat everything in the refrigerator, even if it belongs to someone else or was for a group. He eats dozens of cookies baked as gifts, an entire tray of meat balls cooked for shared dinner. I at one point had a locked food cage to keep him off of other peoples things. When asked about it he goes "what. Huh? I didn't know! Sorry:... and then cries

He says its his adhd. Im not convinced because he keeps doing it in spite of talking about it and I. Spite of counseling and in spite of medications.

Ideas? I just can't deal with waking up to see everything that has been prepared is gone.

[GabyLaw]

If he's crying that's...emotional. What does his therapist say? It has to be CBT to work on us. Plus has he tried different meds? He could be on the wrong ones....He seems to have impulse issues!

[pragman]

We are prone to compulsive behavior, so I still think its ADHD though it needs addressing. I've done all kinds of compulsive stuff from smoking way too many cigarettes a day to drinking too much. I've learnt to control it over time. I dont smoke any more and drinking is down to a couple of glasses a month but it was a tough journey that took more than a decade to achieve and a lot of support/intervention from my spouse. One thing to be glad about though it might sound ironic is that thankfully his compulsive behavior is related to food which is less harmful than substances or alcohol.

[MTA-]

Simply put, ADHD is a dopamine deficiency. Dopamine is that hit of good feeling hormones you get when you eat something delicious. Impulsively issues are common, because we're craving dopamine hits. I have impulse issues around food too. I have a dairy allergy, amd a gluten intolerance. Sugar increases my anxiety too. But given the amount of chocolate surrounding me this time of year, I am just helpless.

So much so that it's effecting my health. If you pushed me, I might cry about it too. It's hard being so helpless to your cravings that your health declines. It feels like you lack the will power. It feels like you could get in shape if you just stopped being a greedy slob, but you can't.

Just another way ADHD can make you feel lazy amd useless.

Therapy and CBT sound like the plan. But also try replacement behaviors. Healthier snacks like low-cal ice cream. Or a peanuts in a big bulk pack can be real cheap, and divide them up into little baggies for small quick snacks.

The cage sounds like a solid idea too. But if you don't have a good handle on the issue, that could be shaming. Once you accept that it's the ADHD, just think of it like how someone trying to lose weight might ask their partner to hide the snacks.

(On that note, I can't sit here on the other side of the internet, and tell you it's definitely ADHD, regardless of how much I relate. So maybe you're right to be skeptical. But still, it's clearly an impulsively issue he has diminished control over. So, still treat it with compassion. Don't let compassion depend on whether or not it's an ADHD symptom).

[Gettingittogether]

Sounds like a food and eating compulsion/addiction ... ADHD are prone to addictions. But he needs to get help for it. There's tons of help out there. The goal in his case isnt' for him to lose weight, but to just develop a more orderly and healthy pattern of eating.

[OliveWill]

There are some great mindful and intuitive eating resources that could help if your husband is open to reading- if not, it might be interesting for you to check out and get some ideas. Check out Christyharrison.com, an “ antidiet dietitian”- she also has a grest podcast, FoodPsych. Also, Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole. I feel for both of you. There is so much shame and guilt around this issue that he is probably feeling. It’s understandable that you are angry.

I’ve had periods in my life where i have binged and overate. It’s complicated, in my case, not just bec of ADD and dopamine def but stuff away painful feelings. I dont do anything extreme any more but still am not perfectly compliant with foods I have to stay away from as I’m prediabetic- like I have a rebellious side that doesnt want to “ obey”. This is a work in progress for me. Good luck—-

[artnmusic]

I have ADD since childhood and I identify as being a food addict, and it's actually liberated me in very profound ways (since I accepted it and took action in 12 steps).

I no longer graze or binge, though I'm not perfect and at times I do still overeat (usually at restaurants). I have found 12 step programs to address my need for extreme structure when it comes to food (having BOUNDARIES)!

I also had let go of smoking and drinking as "life cushions" which I was also addictive with esp smoking, but I still was totally out of control with food. I would actually argue that it's just as destructive as drugs because you can get very sleepy with food (food coma?) especially if you can't control your quantities. If your body becomes obese and difficult to move, you can develop all kinds of problems with your heart and other organs (liver, etc) which are too taxed to function well. It's an extremely painful addiction to have bc food is everywhere and yet the beauty standards are completely exclusive to thin people. (ok, thin women with curves are also acceptable ,and men can 'get away with' being bigger). But the pain is real. I lived it from about age 10 -35, and it robbed me of my youthful joy. I also had trauma which kept me in a lot of fear and I ate over that too. You can try foodaddicts.org or oa.org. if this interests you or your spouse. Grateful for recovery and know that I'm vulnerable to all kinds of addictive behavior! Best of luck to your spouse, I really feel for them.

[harriet09]

ADHD and eating disorders do have some correlation, I've read. It sounds like it is extremely emotional for him and likely shame inducing. I identify with having binge eating disorder, or at least disordered eating. Maybe you can research it before talking to him about it so that you are able to come from more of a place of understanding and have some context for what he is going through. For me, the shame around it was so bad that I couldn't even handle bringing it up with my regular therapist. I had to get workbooks to address it on my own (but never finished them). I've been told that when I was a kid, my family members found hidden snack wrappers around. I think it's trauma related for me. But all this to say, he probably does need help, but it's a sensitive topic. I am sure it's very hard for you too! When we live with people and choose them for relationships, we don't always know what else we are taking on. Having to live with other people's issues can really wear someone down! Perhaps you can find a similar online support group like this, but for partners of people with eating disorders. I am sure a Google search would bring up some info, or you could discuss with a therapist. He may not be ready to face it, admit it or do the work to heal.